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The monster in their closet

BeautifullyBroken
BeautifullyBroken

For the first time, I am putting my experience into words. When I was 10 years old my niece (very close in age) admitted to my mother and I that my father was molesting her. My mother quickly shut her up and swept it under the rug and told me never to believe what she said because she liked to lie a lot. When I was 19 another niece (also close in age) confided to me in a game of truth or dare that my father had molested her as well. Over the years I had my suspicions that my first niece had been truthful all along and now I knew for sure. There are days when I don't think about it, but others, like today, weigh heavily on my heart and mind. How can I love somebody that destroyed the innocence of two (that I know of) little girls? I feel myself sinking into depression and I try my hardest to pull myself out but it's so difficult. How do I handle this? How do I deal with a father whom I love but feel like I should hate? My family has always been very hush-hush about "family affairs" and don't believe in mental health which lead me to severe teen depression and several suicide attempts. I feel like I'm sinking with no hope of salvation. 

martinkenney
martinkenney
Confront him about this. Explain your feelings to him. He will deny it I'm sure but he will know how you feel. If he becomes defensive and accused then explain to him that your only asking for you and no one else. If he is defensive then chances are he is guilty because he wants to fight the accusation which only you will know if he is telling the truth
coveredbyfeathers
coveredbyfeathers
Hello sweet girl. I am also the daughter of a sex offender.... he offended my niece. His granddaughter. I know how awful it feels and how much you feel like you're carrying a secret because you can't talk about it freely with people... and it's never a conversation that feels 'safe' to bring up. First- I would suggest that you speak to your cousins about it. Hearing how *they* (the offended) are dealing, and what counseling they've gone through to heal can help you gain perspective. Ask for the details that you are comfortable receiving- or ask them to share with you in general terms so that you get the idea. Being armed in the truth from THEM will help you when you confront your father. -- But before you do that- I agree with the earlier comments. Get Counseling. I know it can be costly- find something through your insurance, or on a sliding scale... And work with them through this. You have nothing to be ashamed of...

The dynamics of loving the person but hating the action are... some of the most complex and most frustrating to maneuver- and you'll go back and forth on your decisions/thoughts/wants all of the time. I hate to say this, but... welcome. This is the plight. It's.... part of the journey. I get it. It sucks. And nobody has written the book on how to handle this perfectly. You can't. You won't. - I went back and forth with my relationship with my dad (who is now in prison) - and after years finally decided that having him out of communication with me was best. But- that's MY decision- and he was an awful father to begin with. Your counselor will help walk you through the ins and outs of how to approach this with your father... It won't be easy. You'll wanna back out. You'll want to just 'move on' and not think about it... But it will always be there- and it will manifest itself in ugly ways if you DON'T address it.... Where you see something on TV about it- or someone jokes about it at a party- and you find yourself in a pool of tears in the women's restroom.

Move forward to the uncomfortable... And feel free to message me. It sucks- but it's not so hard when you have others to talk to about it. -Hang in there, hun-- you'll be OK.