Families of SOs Community Group
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Hi,
Although I do read some of your posts, I haven't posted myself for a very long time. This is going to be a long one.
My son, who was convicted last November for viewing cp over a period of three months, spent 5 months in jail and was released several months ago. He wears an ankle monitor and faces 16 years of probation. While I will be eternally grateful that he was not given a prison sentence, things are still very, very challenging.
The GPS continually causes problems. He must make a schedule each week of what he will do the next week, and if something comes up the next week and it is not on the schedule, he cannot do it. He was unable to attend a job interview because of this. He is not allowed to go anywhere except meetings, doctor's appointments and the grocery store once a week. He can go through a drive-thru but cannot go inside a restaurant. He is not allowed to come to my home so when he comes to town for a doctor's appointment, I go and sit with him in the parking lot. He is allowed to look for a job and was offered one, but the company's corporate office said no. There are endless fees to pay. And, if he violates probation, depending on the severity of the offense, he goes to prison for the remainder of his sentence (if not longer).
My son did break the law and I believe that he should be given a consequence. But to punish him and all of the others in his shoes for the rest of their lives is unspeakable. He is 21 years old and could live another 65 years.
I do not reveal this next bit to garner your sympathy but to make a point. I was recently diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. I am undergoing treatment and will be fine. It is not the worst thing that has ever happened. This is. I am sad for my son every single day but must not let him know it...
On to some information for others...I am beginning to see articles that speak to the harshness of sex offender laws. I pray that not only will changes be made, but that they will be retroactive. Below are three search terms that I used in google that produced a number of articles to this effect:
Are sex offender laws too harsh?
Are sex offender laws too strict?
Are sex offender laws changing?
I'm quite sure that I repeated information that many of you already know...thanks for reading.
J
J
Although I do read some of your posts, I haven't posted myself for a very long time. This is going to be a long one.
My son, who was convicted last November for viewing cp over a period of three months, spent 5 months in jail and was released several months ago. He wears an ankle monitor and faces 16 years of probation. While I will be eternally grateful that he was not given a prison sentence, things are still very, very challenging.
The GPS continually causes problems. He must make a schedule each week of what he will do the next week, and if something comes up the next week and it is not on the schedule, he cannot do it. He was unable to attend a job interview because of this. He is not allowed to go anywhere except meetings, doctor's appointments and the grocery store once a week. He can go through a drive-thru but cannot go inside a restaurant. He is not allowed to come to my home so when he comes to town for a doctor's appointment, I go and sit with him in the parking lot. He is allowed to look for a job and was offered one, but the company's corporate office said no. There are endless fees to pay. And, if he violates probation, depending on the severity of the offense, he goes to prison for the remainder of his sentence (if not longer).
My son did break the law and I believe that he should be given a consequence. But to punish him and all of the others in his shoes for the rest of their lives is unspeakable. He is 21 years old and could live another 65 years.
I do not reveal this next bit to garner your sympathy but to make a point. I was recently diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. I am undergoing treatment and will be fine. It is not the worst thing that has ever happened. This is. I am sad for my son every single day but must not let him know it...
On to some information for others...I am beginning to see articles that speak to the harshness of sex offender laws. I pray that not only will changes be made, but that they will be retroactive. Below are three search terms that I used in google that produced a number of articles to this effect:
Are sex offender laws too harsh?
Are sex offender laws too strict?
Are sex offender laws changing?
I'm quite sure that I repeated information that many of you already know...thanks for reading.
J
J
Yes the SO laws are way too harsh. I am going to the RSOL annual conference. I have no hope to improve my brothers situation, but I do have hope to change the laws.
We all agree on how bad the United States is with their Penal systems. The highest rate of incarceration in the world with the longest sentences, and the most non-violent people are incarcerated in the world as well.
Probation states that they want to keep society safer from violent criminals, and in the case of children from sexual offense. But isolating and individual from their family and making their day to day life a challenge does not make society safer. Just the opposite.
It is amazing to watch my brother interact with people outside the PO system. He is patient, kind, helpful, and funny. When he is in the presence of anyone related to the PO he is guarded, psychotic and behaves like a caged or hunted animal.
He is no angel. He knowingly breaks terms of his probation because he thinks they are bogus and fortunately he has not been caught. But sooner or later he will and when that happens he will return to jail. I am helpless in his case. I can only be there for emotional support and work my hardest to prevent him from killing himself before his probation term is over.
Thanks for listening.
I pray for your health and a speedy recovery.
Thanks for your reply. It is heartbreaking because we have no control. Not over the system or our loved ones. We cannot make them do what they are supposed to do-they have to make those decisions. Your description of your brother in the two different environments is interesting but not unexpected. We also do better where we feel safest.
My son lives with his grandmother out in the country and I worry how he will do when she passes away. Hopefully, he will make the right choices...
J
j
Best wishes to your family!
J
I'm glad your cancer was caught early--makes it easier to kick the tar out of it. I'm sending good, strong vibes your way for both you and your son. Keep us posted--
I am so happy to hear that you have stayed well! I am about halfway though my journey, as they call it...
My son's grandmother, his father and I all help my son to stay on track..but in the end, they have to learn to do it for themselves as we will not always be around. You're right when you say that the situation is punitive, crazy and destructive-the fact that my son is the target of all of that contributes to the sadness I feel..
Best of luck to your brother. Keep posting and reading-this is a very supportive group!
J