as they say, "everything gets easier with practice". and so does bitterness and resentment, so be careful.

at the root i wonder if actually your feeling lonely and cut off. that is a normal reaction to now doing things solo where as they were once done as a family. and yeah it's gonna be hard. but like everything else it's just one more thing to overcome. and it's actually one of the easiest to over come.

but doing things solo after having done them as a family can happen whether he's home or not. i finally got fed up with my x-husband and started to take the kids out and about just the 3 of us. it really took some getting use to but we did it. we became accustomed to it and enjoyed ourselves. but in our case it turned out to be a relief doing things by ourselves, because he wasn't there to try run everything or be a downer. we found that we had more freedom to have fun and just be just us.

{{{Hugs}}} hun.

Hugs. I understand how hard that can be.

I've been there myself! I have my angry days, I don't give him specifics but let him know I'm angry. its understandable given the situation and will just take time. try to find the positives!

I'm sure we can all understand your anger and agree wholeheartedly with your thoughts but support has to start somewhere and you are the only one now that can offer it. while his words may not be enough that is what he can give you. your decision is the outcome from there. I hope you feel better about everything you are never truly alone unless that is your choice.
Bill

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling better. Still not home yet but I've been at my mother in laws for the last 2 days which is helpful. She's an amazing woman. The hard part is just having to just keep going no matter how tired I am or how stressed I am. Yes, I know there are a lot of single mom's who have been doing it forever, but after having help for the past 14 years its such a shock. I told this to someone and their reaction was "what if he was dead", but he's not, and that makes it worse because I'm reminded everyday what he did and that his selfish behaviour put us here. But the truth is I love him terribly and wouldn't abandon him. I wouldn't throw away 17 years and all the good for one mistake.

I'm just going to trudge on till he can come home. Thank you for all the support here, each and everyone of you are amazing!

I certainly know where you are coming from. Me, I was a single mother of two kids since the day they were born. I had to cook, clean, and work, work, work they lived at daycare. I dont know how it happened after 16 years of friendship with my male best friend we fell in love. He and his 2 kids moved in and I had someone to help me cook, clean, and I DID NOT have to work.

Although he maintains that he is innocent I still cry, dream of the good times, think of any bad times, and selfishly I may add secretly I blame him. so your not alone.