Bless your heart. It is so sad. Hugs to you!

I can't offer much other than sympathy, as I've had a v similar day (although I feel bad comparing as mine isn't in prison).

I can only say that you *will* get through it. The days and weeks after my husband's arrest were a living nightmare, I have never felt so awful. I had buried my Dad six weeks previously and then my world collapsed. I was on diazepam which just numbed everything, when I wasn't on that I just cried. But three little people needed me, so I got on with things, slowly and steadily. You will cope and life will go on & stabilise. Hugs to you x

Thankyou for your kind words... Its just hard to see it getting easier at the moment. It kills me seeing everyone around me living their lives, happy with their partners and children and I'm just stuck. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Its a HUGE change not having him here, we literally were inseperable to the point of looking into starting our own business so we could work together because we hated being apart whilst he was at work!
I think I need some help, maybe talking things through with a therapist or something but I'm scared that they will judge me and tell me I should walk away or that they will think I'm not able to look after my children, which isn't the case at all, they are the reason I'm able to get through each day all together. I'm getting paranoid over everything, thinking my every action is being watched and second guessed.

It is so hard - my son was not in prison and I am thankful for that every single say - but the holidays and outings while he was on paper were very hard ... there was always part of my heart missing ... unfortunately I cannot tell you it will get easier but you will make it and one day be together again ...

Aw my love you are doing great. You will get emotional from time to time, I used to go places with the kids and the inlaws. I'd mope about missing my husband, like you we were inseparable and suddenly I was a single mum. The kids would buy a postcard to send to their daddy at "work" so he would feel included and promised to do it again when he came home and we have.

As for therapy, yes! You NEED someone impartial, like the says you just was to moan about him you need someone to talk through it with that's not going to form a hatred for him. You said you spoke to Stop It Now have you asked them for a list of therapists? They referred me to a relationship counsellor that I saw before he was released then as a couple after release. She is amazing and has seen couples in a similar situation. Not once has she told me what to do. I had a bad day and was saying how social work told me I should leave him as its easier for us all, why do I want to be with a sex offender anyway, she replied with "but he is your husband not JUST an offender". The first meeting was terrifying but after 6 months she's like a friend to us that we respect. They really want to help, they were so keen to help me I jumped the waiting list and told all sessions were of no cost to me.

My husband has been away for 3 and a half years now and it does get easier as time goes on. The beginning is the worst. You have to accept all the new way things are and it is not easy. I used to cry going to the grocery store and while there as it was something we always did together and it hurt so much to go alone. I still have my days that it hits me and i cry a lot, feel alone, and feel sorry for myself. it is a lot less now then i was.
Just take it one day at a time, take care of yourself. Give yourself permission to cry if you need to. It is ok. NO ONE can tell you how you are supposed to feel as they are not in your shoes.
Be there for the kids and try to keep their lives as normal as possible - yes it will hurt.
Good luck

I think I'll call them again tomorrow Sally and ask for a list. I was considering going to the doctors to be referred but then again paranoia set in that they would inform social services that im struggling. I havnt told them that I'm still with the childrens dad as I'm terrified they will question me as a mother, I've read so many bad stories online.

That's exactly how I feel tsmom! I remember bursting into tears at the checkout just because I'd bought alot of stuff and picking up all the bags reminded me again that he werent there as he never let me carry lots of shopping bags. Silly little things like that seem like huge problems now.

It helps so much just putting my honest feelings out to someone, even if I don't personally know you guys, you are the only people I feel I can talk to

Only the bad stories get written, never the good one. I freaked out and phoned Stop It Now, like you I panicked that they would see I was struggling and make life harder. They were so kind (I always spoke to the same advisor) saying that the gp was a good idea as it showed I was strong seeking out support. My gp was lovely, she said she would have put me on strong sleep aids and anti depressants but as I am sole carer and social work would have something to say about it. I'm on a mild serotonin that helps, social work haven't asked so I haven't told. At the moment your husband is away, the risk to your kids are pretty much nil so they'd have to build up a decent case against you which is very unlikely.

You've made a few good points there actually Sally. I just need to have a word with myself and snap out of this mood. Im not too bad most days, and unlike in the beginning, I dont cry everyday so it obviously is getting better, it's just hard to see it sometimes as my world feels like it has been consumed by the current situation. My children are still doing fab at school and have only missed 3 days during this whole nightmare and that was only the day after the arrest and then 2 days after a story went around social media, so despite everything, I am trying to keep things as normal for them as possible. I was already prescribed Amitriptyline before all this for anxiety and to help me sleep but they make me drowsy so I'm on my own I don't take them, so maybe dicussing a change in meds may be a big help to my mood too.

It's so hard to read these posts of people's struggles. My heart really truly aches to you. I wish those in control of this witch hunt could see what they do to families.
God Bless all of you.

oops...aches for you.

Just a word of caution re not telling social services you're with dad. If they find out you've concealed the relationship, I know (as I was told precisely this) that they will be more concerned by that than if you're up front. I was told that if they discovered I was in a relationship with my husband when I'd denied it, they would be concerned that I was prioritising that over the kids' safety. So I've always been very clear that we're together. They don't like it & we've been met with varying degrees of confusion & downright suspicion from different social workers, but it's the only way really. My experience, having now been assessed by 2 different authorities, is that being scrupulously honest with them and co-operating fully means they work with you, not against you. I'm extremely doubtful about the horror stories you read online - you only hear the biased perspective of the parent. I was paranoid about losing the kids, but there are a massive number of interventions they put in place before that point comes.

I would contact them & say you've had time to consider your relationship with your husband & want to maintain it, and you'd like support from them in doing it safely.

Hiya Pheonix, I can see your point, I'm just terrified of what will happen and didnt know what to do for the best. My childrens safety will always be my priority, no matter what, but Ive heard that they can make you chose between your partner and children, threatening to take them into care if you remain in a relationship, even if the partner lives away from the home. There's not much online that outlines any procedures that are set in stone as I guess each case is assessed individually. I dont want to keep anything hidden, but I also dont want to lose my children. Everything that could go wrong has done so far so Ive got it in my head that the worst outcome will happen.

They will not take your children away unless they think they are going to be harmed. There are a significant number of stages they go through before you get to that stage anyway. But as long as they can see you are protective & that you're taking steps to keep the kids safe, it just won't get to that stage. The only time someone would be forced to choose between their children & their partner, would be if the partner was actively dangerous & the other parent was in total denial & therefore unable to protect the children adequately.

They will find out at some point, all the agencies talk/work together. Better to pre-empt things? I've had five different social workers over the last year, none have been unreasonable.