Families of SOs Community Group
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Hey all. I'm new here and feeling very vulnerable. In March 2019, my son (then 16) was arrested for indecency with a child contact and exposure (3 separate felony counts) on my 11 and 6 year old daughters. We have a blended family. Son and oldest daughter are mine from previous relationships, youngest daughter is my husband's from a previous relationship, and we have a 3 year old son together. This has been a literal nightmare. I'm so angry and so sad. My son never ever got into trouble and we have found out that this had been going on for some time. He is currently at an adolescent sex offender rehabilitation center and has his adjudication hearing Thursday. The prosecutor is offering 5 years probation, no registry. I have not gone to visit him and he doesn't contact me because he doesn't want to discuss the situation. I miss my son, but I'm just not ready to face the person who hurt my little girls and ripped my family apart. I don't know that person. We are all in therapy now and although my therapist says it's understandable me not being ready, everyone, including the prosecutor, have chastised me for not allowing him to come home or participating in his treatment, saying I'm doing irreparable damage. What about my little girls? Anyone have experience in this type situation? Most of my family and friends don't know. It's so shameful. This was supposed to be his senior year of high school. He was supposed to go into the Air Force. I feel like my son has died. Is this normal?
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
He's getting help now as is the rest of your family.... Forgiveness is something that can help you all to heal....
Forgiveness doesn't make what he did okay at all....It's not saying that what he did was okay....
.It just means that you're willing to move past this towards healing and I know it isn't easy...… Forgiveness will mean that this event or series of events won't have the same control over you and your family
He hasn't died..... He's done something wrong that's hurt people a great deal... The people who you all love...…
Maybe pushing yourself to that first visit can be a good first step..... Being angry and sad is okay and I think it's to be expected
Another big hug.....xo
The one thing I can add is some context I guess. I find that a lot of people going through these situations don’t have a great grasp on the big picture because our media does a horrible job of explaining child sexual abuse.
The research shows 1 in 4 girls and 1-6 boys will be sexually abused before age 18. Research has also shown that between 1/3 and 1/2 of all abusers of children are children themselves. This is a very large problem and our response as a society has been to almost completely ignore these facts. Instead we focus almost all our time, money, and attention on the worst case scenarios. Do you think we could better spend our efforts to help the majority of children?
One last thing research has taught us is that the likelihood that someone like your son going on to become an adult sex offender is really low, like 3% low.. If you want to read more about this research, Elizabeth Letourneau is one of the leading people on prevention of childhood sexual violence.
http://www.njjn.org/uploads/digital-library/Letourneau%20Presentation_Summary.pdf