Bless her, and you too. Can you not take the other children to the party even though they're not invited? Maybe you could call the parent and ask if you could without explaining why, other than your daughter wants you there but you have two other children to care for.

Thank you. I shall see how my daughter is about it today & see if that's an option if needed. Trouble is that it's at a soft play & my eldest is quite a bit bigger so taking her isn't ideal. I'm also wary of other parents realising my husband is about as I don't want to raise questions as to why I need to bring the other two when he's around...

Have you thought about telling her a version of the truth? Something that doesn't have all the sharp edges of what you used as an example, possibly something more like, "Because right now Daddy and I both need to be there when he is visiting you, xxxxxx & yyyyyyy, which is why I need you to be the biggest girl right now, going to the birthday party for qqqqqq. I am so proud of you for being so brave and strong."

Yeah she could ask why, but she could ask why at any explanation and start that never ending conversation of statements followed by the question why. hehe

I have always believed that telling children the truth or some portion of it, omitting what isn't necessary for her to know right now as she'll have trouble understanding it anyway. I have always been of a mind that the child should hear things/news like this from their parents first, cause we all know that there will be plenty of other opinions out there about it all that it is best for them to hear the story first from the parents, it will be the most remembered since it was first heard and it came from the parents.

As for the other parents, if your daughter is of the understanding why you can't be there, it may never even come up.

We've told the kids that Daddy is poorly (not a lie as he has existing health conditions, which they knew about, and this is why he can't live with us). I said to her that Daddy isn't well enough to look after everyone on his own, which she accepted, although wasn't happy about it.

But...good news! I contacted the social worker yesterday and managed to get an adjustment to the safety plan - his parents can now supervise him as well. So I'm going to the party, and nana & grandad just happen to be visiting...:)

In so glad the safety plan was able to be adjusted for you. I know too well how much it sucks! We had the "but why cant I go here with daddy?" luckily its not as often. Daddy done something naughty on the computer so now there are rules to follow. Its really not easy is it?