Families of SOs Community Group
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I am struggling with whether bringing a child into our household would be a good idea....my husband is currently serving 90 days in county for "solicitation of a minor" and will be on probation for 5 years and must register as a S.O. For life. Never been in trouble with law before, psych evaluation showed no strange tendencies, just bad choices made.
Before sentencing we were talking about me stopping my birth control and starting a family, but I am not so sure....what restrictions are there?
How do you handle the kids questions when they are older?
What about having your child's friends over?
School functions-can he attend or will I basically be a single parent?
HELP!
I know we would be a loving home, but I don't want to have my husbands mistakes affect this child negatively for life.
However...there are other considerations as well. My history is very embarrassing for my kids. They are fine when we're together...but tend to get fidgety and nervous when friends who know about my past are around. It's definitely an emotional weight on the kids...but I'm hoping it's not too bad.
Study the SO laws in your locality and find out what restrictions there are. Then make your decision wisely. Hopefully your husband gets the therapy he needs. Regardless if he has an attraction to children, he's not coping well with some stressors in his life if he's reaching out to minor children for sex. I'd want to make sure that's addressed before bringing kids into the equation first.
I hope your children continue to thrive!
I'm not trying to burst any bubbles...seriously...but I want to fully prepare you for what to expect. While I don't know what rules your state has, I believe most of them follow the same structure.
When your husband is released, he will likely have to go to court-mandated Sex Offender therapy. This is enforced using the polygraph to make sure he is being honest with therapists, group members, his family, and probation officer. Not to be cynical, but it's easy to fool a therapist when you don't have a polygraph to hold you accountable. I'm not saying that's the case...and I hope it's not...but be prepared for surprises. Almost everyone I've met in prison and therapy lied about their actions and minimized their issues. While it may not be best for him to open up to a therapist who could give a report to the judge...at some point, he will have to be 100% honest and accountable. It sounds like a normal thing for most people...but for those of us with a history of keeping secrets and poor coping skills, it's not the easiest thing.
I'm more than happy to talk to you about my experience. It's a long road...but hopefully he will be a better person on the other side!