Hi, I hope you get some responses from this board. A lot of people who used to come here moved to another site at support-for-families.boards.net It is more active and they have a lot of experience and practical info for many states, as well as emotional support.

My son's case never went that far--he could have been labeled a sex offender for life but it's looking hopeful now that he won't. So I'm more help I guess with the emotions that a mom goes through but less with the nuts and bolts of living with the label. ((HUGS)) to you though, I'm sure you've been through an awful last few years.

brknhrt: Thank you so much for your reply. Every little bit helps.
The "new normal" those words popped into mind just the other day. I was not dealing with this very well. I was drowning in a pool of chaos, anger, confusion and much more. After 3 years, I decided to no longer hang my head in shame and turn this tragedy into a triumph. I will not let go to waste. Thank you for reaching out with encouraging words, the virtual hugs and the heads up on the other support group....much needed and appreciated Respect to you my friend and continued healing.

Wow, thanks for the reply and it is amazing that you shared about just deciding to move away from shame, because a couple weeks ago I made a conscious choice to do the same. Even though I already knew he probably won't be officially charged I still feel the sting of what he did but in secret. Most people don't know and several times in the last year someone has come up and told me what a great kid he is (he's 19) , how much they love him, what a great job I did raising him, and so far that has just sent arrows of shame into my heart. I think, "they don't know what he did, they wouldn't say that, they don't know what a failure I am." A couple weeks ago I went shopping at the grocery store where he works (I hardly ever do that when he's working) and met his supervisor there. She told me with him there that he was such a good worker and I raised a good kid, and I did the usual looking down and feeling ashamed.

The next day I realized I had no reason to be ashamed of him. He IS a good worker, he IS a good kid, his offense is in the past, and he has faced up to it quite courageously, more than the vast majority of men accused of that sort of thing who just deny it. I decided at that point to stop being ashamed of him for what he did in the past, and start being proud of who he is now. Sometimes the shame still creeps in but it's being a lot more outweighed by positive feelings. It has helped a lot in being able to remember good things in the past in a pleasant way again, rather than with all the sorrow and grief that the old sweet memories brought for awhile.

Maybe we can move forward like that together. I have the same screen name on the other site--I check both because I'm on another board here too.

I would love to move forward on this together. As a mother, I have nothing but unconditional love for my son. Society and family have not been so kind.
I get that he that this crime is the lowest of the lowest. I call his fear "The Modern Day Leprosy" He has been called a pervert and told "You should just kill yourself" by 2 of his cousins. Like your son, mine also took responsibility and never denied it. Yes, it was a very horrible choice he made and he his paying dearly for it. I know it will get better for me. I am more concerned about him than myself. Still, it a very tough road to walk. Your saving grace is that he was not charged, and in any way this does not minimize your feelings. Hopefully, this was an isolated incident for your son.

Can I ask how old your son is now/when it took place? Was it discovered/investigated right when it happened? My son did some stuff mostly between the ages of 11-13 and once when he was 15. It was revealed when he was 18 and now he's 19.

If you would like to share info in a more private way we could message each other (envelope at the top). I'll try sending you a message.

My son is 39 now. Yes, it was investigated almost as soon as it happened. It was a family related incident. It involved my granddaughter who was 14 years old at the time. He did 6 months in the County jail, released with informal probation. It was a very low risk sex offense, but destroyed my immediate family. It was more than shocking. It took a good year for me to accept it. Still I grieve for the loss of my little family. It had such a domino effect of destruction. We are moving forward as best as we can. My granddaughter, my daughter and myself have sought counselling. My son has not. The registry has made it so difficult to live a decent life.

I'm sorry I missed your call. Your number didn't show up when you called, went straight to voicemail. Please text me you're number.