I am sorry WorriedSick. I am sure this was a very emotional and hard day for you both. It is just so unfair how they sentence people. Especially putting people on a registry for that long or for life.

It is just sad to think about how old our children will be when they are off the registry. I have my own children and my boyfriend has his own children and we have toyed with the idea of having a child together. But not sure if that will ever happen or if it could happen. So many barriers in the way.

I was really concerned about my boyfriend when he first got his sentence a year or so ago and then once again this past summer. He made some comments about no hope etc. I just try to be as positive as possible and try to help him see what he has, not what he doesn't have.

Just be there for your husband(if that is what you truly want) and support him, help him during this really hopeless time in his life. If you are really concerned for your husband's safety then get him some help with a therapist or maybe just a medical doctor if you think he is getting depressed.

Also remember when helping your husband to keep taking care of yourself, have some support people that you can vent too, maybe see a therapist if needed and then remember you can always vent on here and know you are not alone in this. Oh and I know really hot bubble baths help me and my stress level. Just try to think of things that will help you with your stress and worries.

I know for myself, when I think about it as : I am dating and in love with a sex offender it makes me feel really bad and down. So then I get thinking about it and No, he doesn't deserve this label for the rest of his life, so when I think of him I get rid of that label and remember him as ,my boyfriend that I love.

I wish you the best in getting through these first really hard days.

I think therapy can help, depending on the therapist. Remember this is just another hurdle in life. Life is full of hurdles. They make us stronger, wiser and able to make a difference in this world. This is something your family can get through. You can prevail! We are here for you. Please vent, cry, scream, yell and laugh to us. We are all in different stages of the process but I think that is what really makes this group. There is always someone here that truly understands how you are feeling in your moment.

Don't think of it as being a single parent. There are other things he can take care of do, just not anything associated with the school. Don't forget you can video events at the school for him. Although its not the same as him being there he will still get to see it. No different if his job had him out of town all the time.

When someone puts up a mountain on your road, there is always a solution (i.e build a tunnel, build a road to go around and so on) Don't let the registry define who you are or your life. You guys are more than a label, more than the registry, you are a loving caring family use that as your strength.

I say all these things not just to encourage you but to also encourage myself LOL. I figure if I say it, I better try my hardest to live it! I am not denying that this is hard. I am just denying this the power to ruin my life. There are good days and bad days but life is too short to dwell on all the bad things. Keep your head up, know in your heart what is true. You and your husband both need each other more than ever.
:) :)

I know I am going to sound cold and harsh to some but I am what I believe is 'practical'. I try to make decisions on facts and logic because the emotional decisions never really did me much good. In fact those decisions set me back decades in some respects but pushed me forward decades at the same time.

I wouldn't look at your situation as something to hide from, I thought about that, before I married my husband. Am I going to care what people think? Will I look over my shoulder? I decided that I am the only one that has to live with the decisions that I make in my life. That all those people that are 'judging' me whether that be in my head or for real, don't have enough to do in their day, cause if they did, they would stop worrying about me. I won't say that there won't be days where it feels really lonely and 'hard' out there, but it is then when you think about why you chose what you did. It doesn't matter the reasons you chose him, just that you did. Who gives two shits about what the rest of the world thinks, we already know that 90% of them are already sex offenders that have offended against countless people that just haven't been caught, right? (that is some levity, but if you actually run some of the outlandish numbers they spew, it comes out to about that)

Choices will be made either by you or if you aren't careful, FOR you. Personally I would rather choose my own fate rather than someone try to dictate that for me. Been there done that with someone already, I won't let anyone dictate my life to me again, but I will share my life with someone, which also involves doing some things that are always 'in your plan'. Be grateful that he got a suspended sentence, many of us were not so lucky even after tons of proof, letters and a great PSI from our camp. Try to see things from the stand point that "it has been worse, maybe not entirely for us but for many". Be grateful, when you are about to scream that you just can't take it anymore, that you have him around to scream at. Be kind, when you are so frustrated you are about to take it out on the one person that society is going to beat up on continually for life regardless if you are there or not. But above all of that, be true to yourself, if you know you won't be able to live this life, if you believe that you just won't make it, if you think that there will be no healing that the person you loved and married isn't there any more, then walk away, better now than later after everyone has even more invested and the children are even older and could harbor their own resentments towards you both.

I live by just a few rules that to me have morally and ethically panned out for me over the years.

Never leave an opportunity wasted. (this keeps you trying new things, learning something, and expanding your understanding of the people and the world around you, even if it is scary, can't leave that opportunity wasted...)
Have no regrets. (if you attempt everything that you come across, make the best out of every situation, how can you have a regret, you experienced it all, the good the bad and the ugly and you survived, isn't that what they call 'living'?)
You are the only person that has to live with the decisions you make. (children, spouses, parents, friends are all excuses to not make any decisions at all, that is no way to have no regrets)

Hi, Worried, I, too, am the wife of an RSO just sentenced in September. Fortunately, for me, I am older and independent. My husband will be in jail another 3 1/2 years, on the registry and on probation into his 80's and will always have some kind of electronic device strapped to him. Because I don't have anyone else relying on me, my choices are simplier but still very challenging. I love my husband very much. I waited until I was almost 40 to get married because I didn't meet anyone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. When I finally did, it was wonderful. We have had a great marriage...until something went seriously wrong. I had nothing to do with it and went into shock for 2 1/2 months after it was revealed. I don't understand it, but I don't think anyone else does either. I do not judge him, but he needs live with the consequences of his actions. The question I have is, do I? I do not have to make any decisions about this now, but it is constantly on my mind. For you, Worried, it is a much more immediate story. Your life is dramatically changed, but you can go on and live a meaningful life. Love those children. And love that man. YOU know that he is a person and still the same man you married. Stay strong and remember to pat yourself on the back everyday for the courage it takes to move forward. You are in my prayers.

Hey, Worried, sorry to hear about his sentencing but at least it was a suspended sentence. In a way, he made out better than my son. He got 5 yr all suspended but 1 plus 5 yr probation plus 25 yr on the registry for a first time, nonviolent, noncontact offense. As far as ppl finding out, I wouldn't worry too much. There are ppl at my church & neighborhood that still don't seem to realize my son hasn't been around & he's been in jail since the end of April. Just goes to show how much some ppl pay attention.
I'm also in MD. If you ever want to talk, let me know. I'll keep you & your husband in my prayers.

Dear WorriedSick. I understand the hardships and frustration you are going through. Just a reminder that nothing is hopeless until you give up that hope. DON'T Give up that hope. Hope is what keeps us alive. I hope you read my message. Please take time to think about what could happen if you gave up hope now. Not only will you harm yourself, but your husband and your children. Don't you want your children to have a future and not have to be faced with the same problems we deal with today? I would hope so. Stand up and fight. Let your voice be heard. Stay positive and CHANGE will happen.

To all that read this, please take the time to read my article under the name if firefly84. It's about my non-profit organization and what we do and are going to do. Feedback, support, and action are welcomed.

WorriedSick, you are loved and supported here. Society is cruel, yes, but as I have found out there are a few who are supportive ... even outside of here. Those who know you all the best will love you regardless of labels. Don't let labels hold you back from love and support. Keep strong and know you are not alone.

If I said anything here it would be repeating what wisco kid has said. So I wont... ;) I would like to add that it will be spiritually healthy for your husband to start communicating his feelings to someone like me. Even though I was falsely accused, I have still be on the registry for 12 years and have moved through a hell of a lot of depression. I can provide hope for a future worth having just by chatting with him. Have him watch my video and ask him to contact me. I would love to hear from him. http://youtu.be/Q0cBZcc6FmI
Don't give up, don't hide, speak out about the injustice, there is a life worth having in front of you.
Mike

im sorry to hear bout ur situation worried, today i went to court for divorce and lost my kids cuz the man i chose to love is a sex offender. i dont get how he cn serve his time 17 flat and get out and be labeled a monster. so i right now am tryin to make sence of it all. almost half his life was taken and lost to the system but why when after thier time served they have to still be punished. we too are trying to deal with it and i had to tell him and myself exactly wat a few have told u here. but he has no restrictions, he can go to his neices schools, be around them, and his friends kids. he is not a threat to any one or anyones kids. so why is he being punished and i as well for a crime he served in full?? we r looking for help as of right now and answers. but the task ahead of u is never as great as the power behind you. keep yalls heads up for each other and the kids. they need yall to be strong.

Iwantmydadco, I couldn't get your links to work. I'd really be interested in the message of hope you have to share.

Wisco- THANK YOU for your words, and encouragement!

Worried-I am so sorry for what is happening to you, and I have the exact same fears and worries...Hugs to you.