I live in Texas.

One of my friends is on probation. His victim is his daughters mother and his daughter lives with him. (it is a very mixed up story that I believe plays a part in that) My friend is not allowed contact with his daughter's mother, so if his daughter wants to talk to her, his wife has to call her.

There are 5 guys in my fiance's group that have children. 2 of those men's children live with them. I am unsure why the third one's does not as they are young. I know he has been in a lot of trouble with probation since the beginning. The other two men's children are grown.

I know here that anyone convicted is not allowed contact with their victim. I am unsure how it would work if one sibling was a victim and the other was not. The man I mentioned in the previous paragraph is allowed contact with his children, they just don't live with him. I'm not sure who his victim is though.

I think in your situation it would depend on what the PO found to be ok, and if your son has to go through therapy, his therapist suggests. I do know that the one man has to have permission from his PO and talk to his group and therapist when he wants to see his children. If they say no, then he can not see them.

Actually, research has shown that the victims are able to receive healing when they are allowed to interact with the abuser. They can see the remorse the abuser has for their actions, and see they are taking accountability for their actions. My daughter has benefited from her interaction with her dad.

From my experience, unless their is a order from the courts that say he can't have any contact, then he is absolutely able to have contact with his children. Our children have been able to write to their dad, and he write back, and talk to him on the phone. The state will not allow contact visits for minors, unless I have money to fight them (which I don't). Daughter has benefitted from her contact with her dad. It has aided in her healing. She knows he isn't mad at her for telling, which was her biggest fear.

cmimi45 I think you might even need to see what the rules are at your son's prison. Some allow visits with children involved in the conviction under certain circumstances and others don't no matter who else gives their OK. As you know, prison visiting can be really devastating both to us and to children especially when it's time to leave and walk away and leave someone you love behind. Some prisons make an effort for parents and children's visits. Some make no effort to encourage any visitors because it's just easier on staff to discourage family from visiting at all.(For example, some prisons limit use of the bathrooms for visitors until visitors leave just to keep from having an accident etc. But guards do that claim they are afraid someone will sneak in and have sex in the bathroom etc. Good Luck!) ) If I remember your situation correctly, maybe you have legal custody of your grandchildren through the court? I would make certain that in arranging/ allowing the visiting (if you do) you don't endanger your continuing custody of the children. This goes for mothers also whose children are still under court supervision. Sometimes (if your grandson has a CASA for example) someone else might take your grandson to see his father on a special "therapeutic" visit and get the court to OK that. It's a start. (That might even be a way for your granddaughter to go visit when the time comes that a visit might help her. There is a program (and some information) called Restorative Justice and their representatives might help you make sure these visits could be good for everyone, including you and your son. As ThoughtAsWea says above maybe getting permission for exchanging letters/ crayon drawings etc and phone conversations (on speaker phone perhaps even in a therapists office with you also present) ) is the place to start then in-person visiting could progress from there? If you can get a CASA / social worker/therapist to start pushing for contact it will happen. I admire you for all the love and concern you are pouring into making the best of what is a heartbreaking situation for all concerned.

@ Janet Mackie you are right in that my grandchildren have been placed with us. I have been told by the state that as long as the state is involved with our family, I cannot let there by any contact whatsoever. However, the state also told me that once the adoption goes through and we become their legal parents, that would it be up to us if we allowed contact with their father before they turn 18.
@ ThoughtAsWeak, I'm on the same page with you as far as the research goes. When this situation occurs within the family, the entire family is affected and the entire family needs help in order to heal. The one thing that gave me hope in the beginning is that our family could heal from what had happened, all of us, my son included. I believe the only ones qualified to determine what is in the best interest of the victim, the offender and rest of the family, as far as treatment should be, is the mental health community, not law enforcement or the judicial system. Don't get me wrong, I know they have a role in this as there was a crime committed, but that needs to be their only role. And hopefully with a lot of families coming forward and speaking out, there will be changes to how the judicial system is handling these matters, so that one day there could be a positive change in the problem overall. I plan to do my part as I have been hit in every direction with the problem of sexual abuse.@Knownot, thank you for sharing that because it gave me a little hope. Maybe there is a chance if my grandson wanted to have some contact with his father before the age of 18 that it may be possible.

Since child protective services placed the kids with you, I would probably call them and ask if they would consider it endangering your grandson if he were to have contact. I wouldn't bother asking about your granddaughter unless you can first get the okay from her therapist.

The way I see it, several things must be considered and they all are separate which makes it really tough:

1. What the judge said during sentencing. If the judge outlawed contact then there you go. Would have to go back into court and get that changed.

2. CPS, would they see it as child endangerment? CPS is given s lot of power and can use however they see fit. Since you have custody it would be a bad idea to try something like getting your son and grandchildren especially your granddaughter together without their approval. Of course it helps having your granddaughter's therapist say it is okay first. That might get the ball rolling. But while they are under 18, and not living with a biological parent, CPS is extra tough on stuff like this.

3. Next would be about your son. If the prison allows visitors and visitors specifically for him or not. Once he gets out of prison this would depend on the PO. If you think CPS is bad, wait till you deal with his PO. The PO will most likely not grant contact for your granddaughter at all since she is the victim, but might consider it for your grandson. The best chance for contact is for your son to go through therapy in prison and when he gets out get a job right away, and doesn't do anything dumb while on parole/probation. Needs to keep a job, have a stable place to live, complete sex offender therapy, pass his polygraphs and stay out of trouble before the PO might even consider letting him see his kids. Again the best chance for him to have a relationship with his kids would be to have their therapist say it is needed then to have his therapist say it is okay and then you would need to get special classes from parole and probation or CPS to become a chaperone.

Very complicated situation :-(

I agree Independent. I've had to get something in writing from my children's counselor to say they approve contact with their dad. Especially with CPS on my back. Once I had everything documented, CPS left us alone.

My husband was accused of molesting my step-daughter (his daughter) but is still allowed to live with our sons. Also, once his daughter turned 18, and after he was probation, he was allowed contact. He doesn't want it, except through writing.
I'm in PA