Families of SOs Community Group
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Hi everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been on here much. I feel bad that everyone was so supportive when I first joined this group, and I am still not in a place to return the favor. I basically decided that I needed to not talk about my misery constantly. I've been meditating, exercising, doing creative projects, seeing a therapist, and socializing a few times a week (as per my therapist's recommendation). And all of it is helping, but I think you all know that there's only so much you can do before the reality of the situation sucks you back in.
My husband has been in a California reception center for more than 60 days now. I've yet to be approved for a visit, and there is no word on when his counselor is going to get around to seeing him (I've called the counselor 4 times, but naturally, never get a return call). We write each other every day, and that is soothing for both of us, but all it takes is one frantic letter to catapult me back into a spiral of anxiety and depression. Today I received one of those letters.
My husband is sharing a cell with a guy who's been in prison EIGHT times (It seems for drug/gang-related offenses). All he talks about is killing and beating up rapists and child molesters. While this can't possibly be true (I mean, wouldn't he be in for life for one of these alleged murders? Or is he so smart that he could get away with murder but not selling drugs? Ha! I don't think so), the fact that my husband has to constantly hear about it has him paranoid and anxious. The cell mate's been in there for over 100 days without seeing a counselor. My husband is worried that if he receives his transfer before his cell mate and it's to a prison specifically for low-level sex offenders, the cell mate will beat him up or stab him.
I don't even know what I'm expecting anyone to say. I think I just need someone to share my feelings with. I don't want to worry family with this. And most of our friends don't even ask anymore. It's the elephant in the room.
Anyway, today is a bad day. Hope you're all seeing a better one.
My husband has been in a California reception center for more than 60 days now. I've yet to be approved for a visit, and there is no word on when his counselor is going to get around to seeing him (I've called the counselor 4 times, but naturally, never get a return call). We write each other every day, and that is soothing for both of us, but all it takes is one frantic letter to catapult me back into a spiral of anxiety and depression. Today I received one of those letters.
My husband is sharing a cell with a guy who's been in prison EIGHT times (It seems for drug/gang-related offenses). All he talks about is killing and beating up rapists and child molesters. While this can't possibly be true (I mean, wouldn't he be in for life for one of these alleged murders? Or is he so smart that he could get away with murder but not selling drugs? Ha! I don't think so), the fact that my husband has to constantly hear about it has him paranoid and anxious. The cell mate's been in there for over 100 days without seeing a counselor. My husband is worried that if he receives his transfer before his cell mate and it's to a prison specifically for low-level sex offenders, the cell mate will beat him up or stab him.
I don't even know what I'm expecting anyone to say. I think I just need someone to share my feelings with. I don't want to worry family with this. And most of our friends don't even ask anymore. It's the elephant in the room.
Anyway, today is a bad day. Hope you're all seeing a better one.
I've heard that some have their inmate send them a signed form, and the family makes copies of the form Nd sends a new one every week until they are approved so they can't claim it was misplaced or lost.
I know how nerve racking it it to be in a cell who spouts violence against SO's. Just make sure he has a cover story and as I tell everyone - hang out with the Christians (even if not a believer) as there is safety there. If he hangs with the right people, he will make it through.
I think hubby spent at least 6 months in reception before he was transfered. Don't recall when he saw his councillor, but I think they have 90 days to see them.
Feel free to PM for questions regarding CA reception or prisons. I'd be happy to share info that I have.
As a family member I would write a letter asking WHY I haven't been approved yet for visitation.
It's a matter of getting everything memorialized so that if the eventuality ever comes up that I have a right to fight it....at least i have proof that I tried.
It's all BS and we all know it. Put the pressure on from your perspective. STAY out of the cellmate thing but press the issue of visitation.
As long as he has a cover story, like in there for drugs, he'll be ok.