Oh, Justin, I'm so sorry to hear you being so sad and frustrated. I know that feeling! Even though I am the wife of an SO, not someone caught in the center of this, I go through many of the same feelings. Guilt, frustration, anger, lots and lots of sadness. There is no end to this and no going back. The only thing you can do is re-invent yourself into something new. Really! There is no going back, only forward. They say that happiness is a choice and that may seem trite in your situation, but when you learn to look on the bright side things have a way of getting brighter. Perhaps you could pick one thing to feel grateful about every day. Even something very small or mundane like, "I was able to walk today." Now, that is not small but it is definately something to feel grateful for. After a while you will find more things to be grateful for. While these may not take away the guilt and regret, the times you are feeling gratitude will allow you to put those other feelings on the shelf for a while.

So, when we get involved in SO issues, there is no going back. There is no getting back to normal. But there can be a new normal and you get to choose if you will move forward or not. Best wishes to you and you are truly in my prayers.

Please hang on. Praying for strength for you to carry on. GOD B W/U.

H.O.P.E. = Hang on - pain ends. I will pray for you - my son has lost everything, too - everyone he loved, his life, his career, his home, his freedom, his self-worth and his self esteem - all lost to mental illness and to state felony C.P. charges. - but as we have continuely told him since he was first accused and arrested HE HAS US, 1000%. He has us, his parents. "You are not alone -- you are loved and cherished - we will get through this together. This shall not define you. YOU are a good man."
Hang in there Justin, this is not the end.
"We are not defined by our circumstances. Whatever situation you might find yourself in, it's easy to allow it to become the lens through which you define yourself. You are stronger than whatever circumstances you're facing. Potential is the one power you always have. The mind-set that propelled me forward came from having nothing to lose."

Try to remember that no matter what people or the system says you are, it only matters what God says you are. He says you are forgiven and perfectly formed. He sees you as whole and as His child. Nobody can take that away from you! He hears your prayers and ours. Try to look up, trust God and hang on. He is holding your tears in his His hand and has not forgotten you!

Thank you all. It's very hard somedays to get up and do anything.
I'm trying to get supervised visits with my daughter but my
ex spouse has basically said no to every option. I've completed
All my programs I was requested to do by our ministry of child and family development here in bc
But they still say I need more programs etc. I get very fustrated and upset when I'm
doing what they want but it's never enough. I am tired of crying over missing my wife and child. I just want
the pain to go away so I can live whatever life I have left. I have my mother but everyone else who was in my life prior to my child porn conviction has labeled me as a monster etc and have done nothing
but bully me. I cry because my daughter won't have her father in her life and she will
likely grow up brainwashed to hate me because of her mother and parents views on me.
Sigh.

The thought of ending my life fills my head and occupies my thoughts almost every moment I live on.
I get so sad with the thought of my daughter without her father in her life
I don't want to cry and feel like this anymore. Please hear my prayers oh Lord.
I don't have any social supports so coming on here helps a little. And I thank you
For being understanding and not choosing to judge and exile me like the rest of my family has done.
God bless you all

Everytime I hear someone tell me that I need to put big boy pants on, get over it you did it to yourself etc
I want to scream. Nobody understands that I've dealt with this illness since I can remember.
Being attracted to children is not my choice. It makes me very depressed and hurts knowing that
Nobody has been wiling to understand my situation. They just see my conviction and write me off.
What a wonderful world we live in.....

No one chooses to be a pedophile. No one! And by pedophile, I simply mean someone who is attracted to children. It is very painful to be someone who's interests go counter to what is considered acceptable by society. You really need help, Justin. Message me. I have an idea for you!

Like I said darlin', keep on keeping on. I once read/heard somewhere this quote that stuck with me: "Dying is the easy part; it's living that's hard," and that's so true. Life isn't fair, and only God or the higher powers know you are trying your hardest, and I like to think keeping your head up helps.
I am sorry you're having to deal with your feelings, complications in life, and society going against you, but you've gotta believe that you can make it, no matter what! Message me anytime; I'm pretty quick to respond, esp since I've found this site! Lots of support and prayer going your way