I have been trying to get past the day of his arrest a few months ago. Still pending sentencing but he's holding his own. Thank God. The family and I have our moments. For me, being here in this home has been harder than anything I could imagine. Your hope is that people in your life, whether it's friends, neighbors, extended family, etc, your hope is these people will back you up. Make sure your safe and that your doing ok. But no. It's not that way at all. But to put some perspective into it, I can understand people may not want to get involved in the matter. But also don't want to write us off all together. So to me that says that they still care, but from a distance. OK, I can deal with that. What I cannot deal with, is the fake people that are only around to get the latest information, before the media or press. Here's the thing, we are not going to spread gossip about the very personal, intimate details of our lives just so others can in turn judge us and/or our situation without knowing the real story behind everything. Not to mention, that these people just don't care and just want gossip.

We understand what he did was wrong. We are angry, disappointed, and utterly confused on how he could do this. But, thing is is that it's done. No one can change anything about the circumstances or decisions made. Right now it feels like we're about to walk into a room with broken glass on the floor while blind folded. We have no idea what to expect, who to trust, or how this all works. Will the neighbors loose interest knowing he's in prison? Or will they haunt us because we refuse to move? Will friends come around again? Or should we fear them been targeted by association?

Some days I am so much stronger than others. Then, it just takes a moment of doubt, or fear, and I'm left thinking far too much. And I want answers! Good, bad or indifferent. Waiting is just torture. Even though knowing where he is, he is most likely safer there, for now at least. And in time, maybe things will get better. But, it's getting from here to there that is the hardest part.

Reaffirming my faith, finding strength in those that I can still call friends, and a good therapist have all been a great support system in this. I am not one to ask for help, religious or otherwise. But when you are faced with this, feeling your world implode, you have no choice. I am not giving up on life. I need to keep going. One small step at a time. Just wish I knew what life will be like for us a few months from now, a year from now...and so on. My life to this point was quiet and complacent. Humble, is the best way to describe it. Now...I struggle to find that inner peace which allows to me relax enough to enjoy the quiet and humble life I had. Some days it seems closer than others, but they are far and few between.

Thanks to you all on this page. This is one of those rare places i can go and just talk about things and not feel as though I've worn out my welcome. This is a lot to digest, and even though there are some pretty amazing people in my life, they don't need to be my constant sounding board regardless of how I'm feeling that day about the current situation. Here, we get it. We're living it and can share our experiences and encourage each other with own strength and resiliency. It's a pretty great page,