Families of SOs Community Group

WE HAVE MOVED!!! ............................. ............................... ......................... ............................ ............................. .......................... HERE: http://support-for-families.boards.net ............. ................ ............... ................ ............................... .................Please create a profile...

1,307 Members

11,281 Posts

0 Online

corvuscorax 02/04/2016

Today is the first day towards the beginning of the price I pay for a terrible mistake I made.

I stand outside of my Lawyers office, as I got here early, waiting to go in to discuss the terms of my Plea Deal.

I feel ill. I feel sick and I feel scared.

From 0 days up to 71 months, although I have been told that most likely the judge will just go with the 71 months as suggested.

I don't know why this scares me so much. The prison level I am supposed to be sent to is Low. All of that panic and suicidal fear was based on those higher level prisons.

But here I am, deserately and physically trembling.

I am supposed to take this one day at a time. This situation could be so much worse.

I just want the strength to deal with this.
The strength to forgive myself and to forgive others.

I don't want to stand in judgement. Of myself. Of others.

I want to be forgiven and to forgive.

I am scared and I just want peace.

peace2all 02/04/2016

CC, I know you are scared, but we are all standing with you in spirit.

mtbfan 02/04/2016

It is normal to be scared, and somehow it will actually act as some sort of protection. What does your layer think? They usually have a pretty good idea as to what the Judge will decide. Will he fight for you and a lesser sentence? Let's hope.

joehillsghost 02/04/2016

CC, I am thinking of you and hoping the best for you.

frgvnss 02/04/2016

Forgiveness starts with you. Forgive yourself, forgive others. This fight is not one you face alone. My hope for you is you find the strength in the courage you have to be at that lawyers office, to surrender yourself to the law, and solider on. As the saying goes, a journey starts with one single step. This may not be journey you want to make, but know it's necessary to move on. Even though it may not seem like it, you are in control of what happens. Find faith in yourself, forgive yourself, and remember you are not alone.

JustAnotherNobody 02/04/2016

Prison terrified me so much that I took a plea bargain and said I did something I didn't do just to avoid it. Then, I realized the repercussions of that decision and probation became more bleak than prison. I ended up asking for my suspended sentence to be reversed, and I served 16 months in prison - for a crime I did not commit. I can say that prison was nothing like I expected. I never want to do it again, but I could if I had to. It will not be easy, it will be very hard - but you can do hard things. All of us have to do hard things every day because of our situations.

Best of luck

bsmom14 02/04/2016

Corvus, may I offer a few words. I am the mother of a young man in prison for possession of cp. We have been in your shoes and it is terrifying! My son went from a military hero to........sex offender. He was sentenced to 3 years and sent to a "low" prison. He is doing fine! He has "friends" even though others who have been there should explain that a little further. He minds his own business, he is his normal comical self and all races like him! He is taking carpentry classes and is in a book club. He watches football with the guys and trades snack recipes. He gets Maxum, Time and National Georgaphic in the mail and downloads music. Now granted it isn't all hugs and high fives but he has learned the rules and is doing well! Of course, he would rather be home with family but he has adapted and I am sure you will to if you use your brain and not your mouth! Take care!!!

ThoughtAsWeak 02/05/2016

Corvus, as Frgvnss stated, you need to forgive yourself. Remorse says a lot, it says that you won't ever do it again. I hope you get a light sentence, and just let you know we are all here for you.

corvuscorax 02/07/2016

Hello everyone!

Once again, thank you all for your kind words of support and advice. I TRULY do appreciate it and I feel like an ass for not being more proactive in my efforts to say so.

I have posted several times and each time you all have been so positive and accepting, thank you all for that.

I only hope that I can, in someway, take my life experiences and show support in turn!

Thank you All!

Independent2014 02/07/2016

Keep your nose to the grindstone, is the best advice that was given to me. What I learned from going through my case was that you must live in the moment AND in the hope that is to come but you cannot reflect on the past. The past is who you were and what you did back then, that doesn't shape who you can become! I was always hoping that when it is all over I can do something with my life. By then it may be too late, you cannot afford to give up those 71 months. Thankfully I had some amazing family that kept me from falling into that trap. So I say this having been in a similar dark place myself, do whatever you can to improve yourself so that when it's over you can move on with your life. Get an education, or learn a trade that will help you when you end your sentence. Volunteer for therapy in prison if you can so that you can be ahead of the game on that front, do all of the above!

I remember the same day my lawyer called me to come meet in their office and tell me the bad news of what I was basically being forced to plead to. I will never forget that day. But it doesn't define who I am now and what I have become. That marked the day I was punished for my terrible choices but it also marked the day I decided to move on to something better.

Your past cannot define who you are, but how you deal with your past will.

There is hope.

Join the Conversation