Mama, my heart is there with you. My son's offense was different and he didn't get a conviction, but he did do something I never dreamed he would. He is also my son, my firstborn, my heart was broken in so many pieces too. It really is a kind of death, a grieving...and it's not something you can talk about, post on Facebook about, put a little ribbon on your car, etc...

There is another board that is more active and I've found other moms as well as other family members of sex offenders and that has been a big help for me. support-for-families.boards.net You can look around a bit but need to join with just your e-mail and a password to access the members area, which is where most of the support is. They have a ton of practical info on navigating life on the registry too.

Also there is a site called stopitnow.org that has a lot of info with research about child sexual abuse, who really is at risk for doing it, supporting them to not fall into it, etc. They have phone and chat lines as well as webinars and online links and brochures. When I called and used their chat they were very respectful and sensitive.

There is life after conviction, I am a testament to that. I made some horrible choices as a young teenager that landed me on probation for several years. And of course now I’m on the registry. Life is certainly not easy. Getting to the point where I am today took a lot of work. I finished my college degree, I have a decent job, I’m married. From the outside looking in I look like a normal guy.

Is your son going to go on to have a contact crime? No one knows for sure, but the social science on that says more than likely he won’t. There was a study done in New York where they looked at all the new people added to the sex offender registry for child sexual abuse or child rape/statutory rape. 95% of the people added to the registry for these crimes was not already previously on the sex offender registry. Which means that we as a society spend the vast amount of our budget tracking and looking after registered sex offenders when the real danger at least based on research is elsewhere.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232505213_Does_a_Watched_Pot_Boil_A_Time-Series_Analysis_of_New_York_State's_Sex_Offender_Registration_and_Notification_Law

Unlike what many think they know about sex offenders, we as a group have a very low recidivism rate. The lowest of all criminals besides murderers.

Your son has a good chance with your help to live a somewhat “normal” life. My parents were the thing that got me through it all. They kicked me in the butt to make sure I didn’t give up when I needed it. They were there for me when I got fired for being on the registry. They also nurtured independence even though I was in a horrible situation. Giving your son a place to stay and emotional support is the best thing you can do to make sure he doesn’t commit more crimes.

You will help your son more than you will ever know. Just being there and supporting him in the midst of the most embarrassing and horrible choice he has ever made is the lifeline he will need if he is going to survive and thrive on the registry.

Let me know if you have any questions,

-Independent

Thanks so much for your response, it brings me hope for the future. Can i ask you some questions? I would kindly appreciate it.
Thanks

Please know you are not alone. It's a very tough road to walk. I get where you are coming from. My son also is a RSO since @/2019. There will come a time that you'll learn how to breath again. I have, even if it's now at the shortness of breath,stage as I call it, but i'm breathing. Whatever questions you have, I'll try to answer, in a private message. I may not answer right away, but I will answer.

Thanks for the message, it cheers me up to think of a better outcome.
Does that liking of that kind of porn go away?
Can rsos have kids and treat them as they should? Are they in danger?
Thanks again

May i ask how this are going now? I am in your earlier spot. thank you

He is out but it has been tough. The fact that he is in another state makes it much harder to get him home. Housing is a big issue. He can't live with us so I'm paying hotel. Might have found a halfway house, not sure. It's hard.

What state do you live in?? My son is currently serving 7 years in a federal prison for distribution on a PTP download site. His psycho sexual eval showed low for being a pedophile or predator but he still got 7 years!

What about those who made it available to him? Porn is an addiction especially for those who are not social alpa males society makes it hard on them and he was probably not knowing that it was all under age or some thing plus you said he has mental problems then is it really right or fair to condem the boy? At least he didn't act on those thoughts he was home by him self. .next he's always your son. And life is rough in different ways on each of us this is his and your trial. Love covers a multitude of sin! Mabey just say to him I don't care what happened, but can you share with me what caused you to stray in that direction? Keep your wording as soft as your heart he needs you to be exceptionally understanding. And mabey share a unaccepted by society part of yourself to get the conversation moving in a compfortavle/ uncompfortable direction so he'll open up. Hope this helps. Keep forgiving good does.

This is exactly what I am going through right now. My other half was convicted in 2011 for possession of CP and is going to be released sometime this year, thank God. I'm trying to find housing for us and the only place I can find is in the heart of a college town. I'm checking the place out as an option for us, and I'm trying not to let this bring me down.