Families of SOs Community Group
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I'm divorced and was a single parent for a few years, however we made seven children together during our marriage and that many children ranging from now 18yrs to 9yrs and me with a mental illness was too much for me and I lost custody. My fiance now is on the sex offenders registry as you well now and he has 5 months left before he comes off. I've always known he was on it as he was upfront from the start from when we met when he was first charged, we started off as friends and it grew, I was there during his divorce and he was there during my divorce and last year we decided to take it to the next level and become engaged.
The problem now is that my ex (my kids father) knows all about my fiance and always has and has made it court ordered that my children have nothing to do with my fiance. This is very difficult for me as my ex has fed my children with so much drama about the conviction of my fiance they are now scared of him. I want my children to get to know my fiance as I do (he used to be a teacher). I know my fiance to be a very kind man and he made a mistake and has accepted responsibility for it.
I feel i am also being punished by the judge in our custody/access case. I am not allowed to talk to my children on the phone unless it is on speaker and their father is listening and then it is only allowed three times a week. I can not talk to them on facebook or instant message them. I am only allowed 2 hours on saturday with one child and four hours on sunday with the four youngest as they are all under 14yrs. If my fiance and I try and take the three that are off the orders out my ex emotionally blackmails them saying they live under his roof for free so they should respect his wishes and have nothing to do with us.
Now with Christmas so close I really miss my children. I can see them for an hour and a half on christmas day, that is something but that's it. The judge in the custody case is so against us I feel, all we are going for is for my fiance to be allowed around the children but on days like this I feel it will never come. we are getting married next year and I want all of my children there and our barrister was so blunt and snapped me into reality. "either they will be allowed around my fiance or they won't'. So I face the real possibility that my children will not be at my wedding.
I feel I'm being made to choose between my children and my fiance. I am a woman and I have a life, but I am also a mother and I feel the role of being a mother has been taken away from me completely. I am no longer a mum, I'm just some one they see on the weekend and talk to on the phone.
The problem now is that my ex (my kids father) knows all about my fiance and always has and has made it court ordered that my children have nothing to do with my fiance. This is very difficult for me as my ex has fed my children with so much drama about the conviction of my fiance they are now scared of him. I want my children to get to know my fiance as I do (he used to be a teacher). I know my fiance to be a very kind man and he made a mistake and has accepted responsibility for it.
I feel i am also being punished by the judge in our custody/access case. I am not allowed to talk to my children on the phone unless it is on speaker and their father is listening and then it is only allowed three times a week. I can not talk to them on facebook or instant message them. I am only allowed 2 hours on saturday with one child and four hours on sunday with the four youngest as they are all under 14yrs. If my fiance and I try and take the three that are off the orders out my ex emotionally blackmails them saying they live under his roof for free so they should respect his wishes and have nothing to do with us.
Now with Christmas so close I really miss my children. I can see them for an hour and a half on christmas day, that is something but that's it. The judge in the custody case is so against us I feel, all we are going for is for my fiance to be allowed around the children but on days like this I feel it will never come. we are getting married next year and I want all of my children there and our barrister was so blunt and snapped me into reality. "either they will be allowed around my fiance or they won't'. So I face the real possibility that my children will not be at my wedding.
I feel I'm being made to choose between my children and my fiance. I am a woman and I have a life, but I am also a mother and I feel the role of being a mother has been taken away from me completely. I am no longer a mum, I'm just some one they see on the weekend and talk to on the phone.
peace2all
As a mother, too, I can feel your pain of not seeing your children as often as you would like. That is heart-breaking. This is a tough situation. They will always love their mother deep down so just love them and show your kind heart when you do see them. As they get older, they will make up their own minds and will always remember how you made them feel when you were together. No one can take that away from you, so cherish those moments. Make those times special, memorable and positive. Do not talk bad about their father so they don't have to choose and be put in the middle. Your fiancé will be off the registry in five months which is great. Their dad is just trying to protect them since many people out of ignorance fear all sex offenders. It's a tough label to live with in our society and hopefully he will never make the same mistake. As long as you and your fiancé show love toward each other and to the children, I'm hoping in time they will come around and see there's nothing to fear. Prayers and best wishes to you and your family.
ThoughtAsWeak
its tough being placed in a situation like that. You are not the only one who is being forced to choose a side. I am lucky, I don't have to choose a side.
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