It's been a couple of months since he's been gone and the media circus has quieted down. Slowly I'm trying to find a new normal and make my way through my everyday. It's tough though to not listen to my irrational self. It's that part, no matter how irrational, I know is there to try to warn or protect me. But, this is where my rational self needs to step up and find it's voice. That, or I just need to learn to listen more.

Tonight the cars drive by the house, but I don't find my heart racing each time. It's starting to become back ground noise again. Not...every time, but slowly. There will be things I need to do this weekend to push myself out there into the public again. Having had generalized anxiety most of my adulthood, this situation has just made it 10x worse. However, I haven't been on meds since 2007?? I'm guessing. And although my doc gave me something to help relax me so I can sleep, he knows I won't take it. I'm at the point now that, I can sleep most nights. And I don't want to be foggy as I feel I need to be prepared for anything.

This week I have noticed some whispers and odd looks from people. But..I have to let it just roll of my back. We are not perfect beings. We are not our mistakes, nor those of our loved ones. We need to find strength in the shadows and learn to rise up and face whatever comes. We will become stronger, wiser, and better people for it. Every new day is another day forward. Do not let the judgements of others determine your worth.

Stay strong. We can do this!

God bless.