Time will never heal the wounds, but it does add perspective. I mean that in the way of people judging us, RSOs. I committed my crime as a young teenager, and now given that information people can see that was a long time ago and I haven't been charged with any other crime since.

That was enough to convince my wife that I'm not a dangerous person. That I am worthy of being her husband. That was enough to convince some employers, at the same time I have been shot down quite a bit even by other new potential employers.

The longer your brother can put the conviction behind him the better chance he has of been treated with fairness and dignity. It also helps to live in an area that is more liberal, in general the northeast and northwest parts of the country are better off for RSOs to live.

Don't give up hope, my life has turned out better then I would've ever thought at the time I was convicted. I have a wife who is amazing, a job (not my dream job but it pays the bills), I have friends and family that have stood by me, and if you live in a good state after you are off probation you are relatively free to live a normal life. You still have the scarlet A on your chest, but life could be much worse.

That is a very hard question to answer - for one thing every state, every case, and every person is different, of course. It is hard to learn to live in the system. It is hard to realize that in many ways you can never live a "normal" life until some of these laws are abolished. My son has been a marvel to me - he spent a couple of years frightened and afraid to get out there - but then he found an employer willing to give him a chance and since then he has blossomed. I know he has bouts of depression (even though he tries to hide them from me) but for the most part he is trying his best to get on with life. About people - myself and my son have been lucky, folks in my family (my side) loved him before this happened and never missed a beat loving him. He has many friends that he has made since his arrest that are great friends but most (there are one or 2 exceptions) of his friends from before have moved on.... I think it scares them because it is a reminder of how easy it is for your life to change in a heartbeat ...

Okay, well, this is good to hear. From your stories, it sounds like there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. Well, he's about a year and a half away from getting out, (1 year done) so I guess it's silly to fret over things I have no control over. I'm in control freak hell. I give "codependent" new meaning! Anyway, he's from NJ but I guess he doesn't have to stay in NJ when he gets out? I just hope he can find housing, a job, etc., but one obstacle at a time. First goal, get free. Deep breaths, deep breaths, one day at a time...

If your brothers looses friends from before then they weren't really his friends. I have started looking at our circumstances as a new life. Nothing is the way it was, everything is different from our living conditions to friends to activities we do. Yes take a deep breath then embrace the new life he will have, the new friends he will make. It will be challenging but look at it in a positive way.

Yes, I think he'll just have to accept that his old life is over and he'll have to make a new life for himself. It's good to hear others have made a new life for themselves and are surviving with a new "normal." I think he's struggling with the realization that his wife will probably move on and his adult children have lost all respect and are traumatized by all of this. I wonder when he gets out and as the time passes, whether they will ever forgive him or want to be a part of his life? Anyway, time will tell. Thank you for your comments.