Forgiveness is a choice. You can forgive someone but still be hurt by the person's actions. As far as healing from those actions is taken one step at a time.

Don't know if you are religious or not, but for me, I've had to pray that God help me with trusting and help with the hurt. It took awhile to no longer feel hurt, but I know we may deal with the reprocusions of his actions for years to come. But it's my choice to hold it against him, work work with him as we encounter each reprocusion.

time.... And there will be triggers along the way. but Forgiveness is for you not him... If you decide to stick around you deserve a life with love and happiness in it no matter what other situations happen. You have to decide to have that life... Forgiveness gives you the freedom to see the good... And release yourself to live.

There's a superficial forgiveness that's easy to say and easy to forget. And there's a heart-level forgiveness that takes some time and intentional thinking that can result in a life-changing awareness of who you are and who you want to be. Forgetting the offense and moving on, however, is a very difficult task. Some things aren't worth remembering, and others must be remembered so the offense isn't repeated.

I hope you find the peace that you're looking for.

This was very helpful. Thank you all so much!

May I also suggest that if you are going to forgive him (or anyone for anything for that matter) the first and last step in the entire thing has to be to leave it behind. You can't continue to bring it up to him or even to yourself. I'm not saying forget it but you cannot dwell on it even for short periods of time regularly....or you will never achieve forgiveness....and it'll eat away at you. And, only you know if you CAN forgive him....and you may not know that right now, that may come at some point later.

However, please don't say you forgive him unless you mean it.....it's not fair to either of you to pretend. And there's nothing wrong with saying "I'm going to try to forgive you, but I'm just not sure". When the hurt dies down you'll know if you can or not....and his actions from now til then may be a determining factor.

very good advise from Sam66