What state are you?

I can talk about SOR once I know your state.

But even before SOR is 'paper' - parole or probation. From what I gather they are much harder than they were 18 years ago.

Iowa

I pretty much know the regulations. I'm more curious on how hard mentally. The stress of it all. The obstacles and teasing from other kids. Etc. or if some of you haven't had any issues dealing with people or if your children haven't.

Let's see....my house was egged. My car was egged. My mailbox hit by a bat.

I had a threatening note with a 'we know what you did' message.

I was stopped for a traffic violation and dragged to the station (I was in college at the time) and made to re-register because they 'couldn't find my papers' . This was 1998? From then on I always kept a copy in my car.

And a county cop who lived around the corner came to check on me (unofficially) and said some nasty things.

My kids are young so no input there. But in IL I can't go to the park or school or celebrate holidays and that's the worst for me. :-(

Speaking ONLY for myself , i have 4 girls and 1 son , all of them are behind me 100 %, My girlfriends kids have not had any problems she has two boys . ( my wife passed away two years ago !) As far as i know any time anyone has brought up my conviction my daughter has come to my defense , and told them not to believe everything they read . that was the end of that . It will be hard for your husband because more than likely he will not be able to go to any school functions or take the kids to the park or places where there are children . If the people that do know you and your hubby are true friends then they will try to understand , if they shun you or him , then they are shallow any way ! As far as the stress and all that , it is only as hard as you make it out to be . . I know that i was innocent , so there for i do not try to hide any thing , if you ask i will tell you , you would be surprised how many people know some one in the same boat and understand .
I have quite a few friends almost all know my past and the ones who do not , it is none of their business anyway . you did nothing wrong and as far as what he did , jeesh , what can you say . yes i did it . understand it or do not come around any more !hope it gives you some comfort .

I have informed my 2 close neighbors and they are good with it. In fact, one of them was able to meet my son before they revoked his probation. I live in Louisiana and I can tell you that your loved one needs to abide by all the rules for probation. Don't give the probation officer any reason to have the probation revoked. Prison I think is tough on me and my family because we drive 5 hours to see son only once a month for 2 hours. The commute is expensive and sometimes we get a hotel so that the drive won't be so bad long in one day. Ten hours to drive in one day is very exhausting and I try to see him on Sundays because its at 1:30. If I go on a Saturday, I have to leave my daughter's house by 4:30 a.m. to get there by 8:30 a.m. She lives a little closer to where he is. Good Luck!!!

I highly recommend you install security cameras with a sign stating so. People are less inclined to do anything knowing that they would be recorded. Many of the cameras don't even have to be working (fake) but people would not know., It even helps with compliance checks as officers certainly become extremely professional knowing they are on camera...

As far as effects on children I don't have any so I can't provide any experiences. I tend to keep to myself waving only to those who wave to me. I don't decorate for any holidays and keep my place looking good.

It seems funny though that the only folks who talk to me are current or retired cops?

Well, this all doesn't surprise me. Thank you all for your honesty. And I have to say, I admire your strength.

My son was denied parole based simply on his charge. The parole board didn't care what he did or didn't do while he was locked up or out on bail. It took him 17 months after he got out to find a low paying, part time job.

He isn't married and doesn't have a girlfriend nor kids, so that part I can't tell you about. He lives with me and so far, we haven't had any problems with our neighbors. My family, his friends and the friends of mine that know are all OK with it. We're in MD, which is not the best but better than a lot of other states are.

I'm carrying the full financial burden and raising our kids alone. My credit has suffered as I am trying to pay all the bills that took both of us to make ends meet. Kids miss their dad but not allowed to visit until they are 18. They occasionally get to talk to him by phone and occassional letter, but that's about it. Don't have a lot of support from family and any friends who do know about hubby, have all deserted me but one.
I just take it one day at a time (he's serving 30 yrs).

My heart aches for all of you

My heart is aching too for everyone here.