Just talk and listen. He needs you, more than ever. He's in a prison of sorts. Call him, visit him, send him letters, cards, etc. Be thankful if you are close enouh to hug him now and then.

i try to talk to him e very day even if its on the phone but i think hes closing him self off i know when he got out of jail he spent a year in his room thank you for you kind words i will tell him about this group hes passed every poly and was out of the group they told him he had to be in less then a year of the plea . how is that for a person that every one thinks is a monster .

As more and more people are affected by the sex offense laws in this country, fewer and fewer people will think your brother is a monster.

I've been a member of this forum since Feb, 2010, which was right after my son was expelled from his home by the police and DHS. He's now in prison, in year 4 of a 20-year sentence. In 2011, my second son was arrested and he's also now in prison, in year 3 of a 4-yrs-to-life sentence.

Every single day since the day I joined, I have received at least one email announcing another person has joined this forum. Some days, there are two or three who have joined in one day. That's a LOT of people who are being affected by this nightmare.

Many of us and our friends and family members formerly viewed sex offenders as monsters. Now, we know differently. They are people we love and appreciate for their good qualities.

Please tell your brother there are lots of people on this forum who would welcome him with open minds and open hearts.

do to his restriction of his probation hes n ot allowed on the net .but he lives less the 1000 feet from a school . i have see where he lives cause he has sent me a video of where he live he is afraid to go any where and do anything how can i tell him that its ok to live his life ? hes bi poler so he has his days they tried to kill him in jail once the other inmates found out what he was charged with . and the lawyer got him a really bad deal but hes out and no one wantds to even get close to him hes tryed to have a relationshipp but once he tells them that hes a sex offender they tell him by and if they have kids he fells that hes putting their kids at drisk from CPS and he feel like he will never be loved by a woman .

There there when he needs you is the best way you can help him. Sorry for all you and your family are going through, but glad you found us.

Having hen through probation I can tell you first hand it sucks! I didn't have the internet restrictions but I think if I was convicted now u probably would have had it even though my crime had nothing to do with the Internet.

The trick to beating probation to better yourself. You cannot sit around in pity, as hard as it is and unfair as it is, you just cannot afford to do it. Find a job, any job and be the best at it. Get to community/jr college and get on track to get a degree or learn a trade. Find friends with similar common interests that is within the guidelines of your probation. I played a lot of darts and pool while I went through probation. There aren't many kids in bars at night, my PO was happy I was meeting people and staying out areas where kids congregate.

My family encouraged me to get a job and get out and be active. My father flat out asked me where do you want to be in 5 years? And I said I don't know, and he told me I was doing a pretty damn good job of making sure I would still be miserable in 5 years. That was the best thing anyone has ever done for me. I didn't need coddling or someone to tell me how unfair it was and still is, i needed someone to kick my butt in a loving way and make me into who I am today. If you looked at my life from the outside now, you would never know the registry affected me. I owe that to my family and my dad. It was a lot of hard work, but it's possible.

Independent, thanks for this encouraging message. Neither of my sons is out of prison yet, but I hope they will be one day. This is the kind of thing I need to do for them, once they get out, like your dad has done for you.

My husband, a bonafide introvert, has taken just under 3 years to make any new friends. And trying to force your friend to get out and about, will only cause them anxiety, I know it did with my hubby. It frustrated me to no end, because of my personality.

It sounds like your friend has a big giving, type of heart.... Has he thought about animal rescue? Volunteering at shelters, dog rescues, cat rescues, horse rescues, etc... If he has the ability to foster, fostering an animal that needs you can be pretty enriching and give him a purpose in life. While also being able to help another being which it sounds like he enjoys. Yeah they won't be the teens and hard cases he is used to dealing with, but they won't be easy either. Animals might help him heal as much as he helps them too... Added bonus in my opinion.

Just be there for him, offer him unconditional love and support.

Yeah for me honestwitness it made all the difference in the world. I talked to my mother about it, and she had told me that they (my parents) had several arguments on how to help me move forward. Their goal was to make me self sufficient. My mom wanted that for me, but she wanted to do it a bit differently, more nurturing I guess. I think the tough love approach worked out better for me. I still remember my dad saying like it was yesterday, "What's your plan? How are you going to beat this? Because if you allow yourself to wallow in self pity it will eat you alive. What you do right now will speak volumes to the man you will become. You need to grow up and put together a plan and figure it out." That was the tough part of the 'tough love'. I also had unlimited support from my parents. They helped me when I lost my job because of the registry, they provided me a PO approved place to live while on probation.

I agree with the comment saying just be there for them but I think the help they need goes beyond that. I think to be successful as a registered citizen it takes incredible intestinal fortitude. You will most likely be fired at one time or another for being on the registry, I did. I lost friends and lost romantic interests. The best thing you can do is help them put together plans to better their life. When I got down on myself, my parents always asked the question, "you know we love you and will help anyway we can, but what are you going to do about it?"

What are you going to do about it changed my life.

thank you all for you input im trying to get intouch with a lawyer to look in to his case it seem that there are things that could get his charges over turned . he has never been in trouble other then this and some speedingtickets or suspened di . but who knows i know its a up hill battle for him he lives in a small town and every one knows his name since hes not from there .but god willing he will get out of this even if .it takes years i want him to have his life back where he can walk with his head high but im standing by him . and thank you al for the support hugs