Families of SOs Community Group

WE HAVE MOVED!!! ............................. ............................... ......................... ............................ ............................. .......................... HERE: http://support-for-families.boards.net ............. ................ ............... ................ ............................... .................Please create a profile...

1,307 Members

11,281 Posts

0 Online

h3lpm3 02/12/2015

So Its been four months since I last saw my husband. And he looks greats..we were able to talk to each other with back to back visitations tonight...it was great! No fighting at all..it was as if we just picked up the from the last time we talked. But it broke my heart to say good bye to him..as soon as I told him that this would be that last time that I see him for awhile, he started to cry.. He hasn't gotten any visits from anyone since the family moved from CA 4 months ago. My dilemma is how do I tell him that I will always be there to support him and be there for him?

Long story short, is that I talked to his lawyer and she has said that the DA wil use our conversation against him in the court. That they will show that I am taking his side over my daughter. Which isn't the case. I talk to my husband twice a day and everyday I tell him that I love him...am I not supposed to do that?? Am I not supposed to give him hope? My husband along with my daughter (his victim/stepdaughter) both need me to support them, but his lawyer doesn't really want me to say that I am waiting for you or anything that can be conceived as me taking his side. How do people do it, if both the victim and the accused are in the same family??

Advocate2 02/12/2015

I have not gone through this so others that have may give you other advice. But if they are going to use your conversation against him and you (and freaking remember YOU are not the person on trial and I hate how they act like you are) I say use that knowledge to your advantage. What I mean by that is say things that show how you truly feel - tell him that you love and care for him and will support him as you promised in your marriage vows. I do not know your feelings but you can say things like that - I think it is abhorrent that that when a wife decides to support a husband that has done something wrong it makes her a freak of some sort. Just becasue you decide to support him as a wife should does not mean you support what he did (although if you say that last part that is an admittance of guilt so choose your words carefully) I guess you could say that does not mean you do not support your daughter - the love for your child is unconditional. I do not know just random thoughts here -

h3lpm3 02/12/2015

I truly hate the way I have to speak to him. How I have to always watch what I say. why can't I say that I love him and support him and will be there for him and her when this is over? Why must they twist our words and actions into what they believe is happening. I love and support them both and I am not giving up hope that our family can and will be healed from this.

ThoughtAsWeak 02/13/2015

Unless you stop speaking to him and visiting him, they will twist it to say you support him and not your daughter. They did the same to me, saying that I didn't care about her - yet, I was the one who turned him in. Even our daughter loves him and speaks to him, but they don't bring that out. No matter what you say in court, the DA will twist it into what they want it to look like. You don't have to testify against him, so nothing you say can be used.

Go ahead and tell him that you love him and will always be there to help him through all of this. Tell him you meant your vows. And they can all screw off when they say you can't support both your husband and daughter!

Join the Conversation