Families of SOs Community Group

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/ Families of SOs Support Group

hi...im new...wife of so

beachangel83
beachangel83
So ive been reading this board fir a couple months and for some reason been scared to post but heres my story. 5 months ago I went on a job interview while my husband watched the kids when I got back I found a video on his phone of him "playing a game" with my daughter. I turned him in to police and hes been in jail since then. I havent talked to him because they put a no contact order on him. I am so confused and disgusted by what he did ...the deception...manipulation and betrayal it takes to do something like that and tear our while family apart....taking innocence of children....and I dont even know what else he may or may not have done in the 4 years before this that ive been with him....now heres the kicker...I still love him...pray for him and believe if he wants to he can change. Im a Christian and believe God can change people. The problem is I have no idea what his thoughts and feelings are on thus since we cant communicate...he lied to me about it the day I found out but I saw the video and the kids dont realize what happened cause of how it happened dont want to get into.details but one of them did see what happened but the others dont know.
Anyway...I wonder...does he feel any remorse...any regret? Im just so confused...love him and hate him and want him to get better and thats my rambling for now
Group Founderwisconsinrsol
wisconsinrsol
I am so sorry the circumstances in which you have had to face this. Welcome to the group.

I wish I had answers to the questions you have, unfortunately the only one with the answers that you are seeking is currently under a no contact with you an your children.

Jail usually give a person so much time to think that remorse and regret are prominent companions there. not to say that there aren't deviants that just use the time to plan a better crime or figure out where they screwed up so they don't make 'that' mistake again.

I am sorry I do not know how to deal with the emotions that you are going through as I have never experienced what you have, but there are ladies on here that have, they will be popping on here to give their welcomes any time now and I am sure will be able to lend their insight.
ThoughtAsWeak
ThoughtAsWeak
It's hard when you are placed in the middle. I'm curious as to why they placed a no contact order on him. You have valid questions, and if he shows remorse about the events, then he deserves forgiveness. I stayed with my hub when she showed remorse for his actions.
This is going to be a hard road, with so many twists and turns. If you decide to stay with him and support him during his rehabilitation, you will be seen as weak and your closest friends who know what happened will abandon you. You may have family try to convince you to leave, but if you know he's sorry for what he's done and wants to get help so he doesn't do it again, then you standing by him will help him from reoffending.

I pray that you make the right decision for you and your family. Either way, we are here for you, Welcome.
beachangel83
beachangel83
I have no idea what he feels cause I cant communicate with him but I hope he regrets what he did and I already know for a fact id lose everyone if I stayed they all hate him (family and friends) and so did I at first until websites like these got me thinking in a different direction because before I knew about this I knew my husband who was a sweet affectionate thoughtful silly guy who I truly felt was my soul mate I hope it wasnt all just manipualtion on his part thank you for welcoming me its good to have places like this where you wont be judged
ThoughtAsWeak
ThoughtAsWeak
Only time will tell regarding his remorse. Maybe if you show up at his court dates, look at his demeanor, that may help you figure out where he's at.
I'm glad we made you at least do a second look at SO's. Most make a mistake and when they account for their actions and realize the impact of those actions, they will never reoffend.
Maybe use thus time to educate those around you with what you learned. Maybe help them to see what you are now starting to see (regardless if you stay with hub or not).

This is very difficult time..come back as often as you need to. Vent, cry, share, whatever you need. We'll be here to listen and help.
tsmom2012
tsmom2012
I too have stayed with husband. He admitted everything when he was arrested and showed remorse. It's not an easy thing but hang in there. They had a no contact order on my husband and me at first, once they bond him over to the higher court it was lifted, he could have contact with but not the kids (which is understandable).
I agree with Thoughtasweak more people need to be educated on this matter as most do not understand and have their own opinion. God help them if this ever happens to them.
Just be strong, come here and vent when ever you need as we understand.
lwayne
lwayne
Welcome, this is a wonderful group with very caring, knowledgeable individuals! You will find strength here! I can't say that I relate to your situation, as I do not have any children. But...I can relate to the heartache and feelings you are going thru. My husband was involved in an online sex sting and there was a minor involved. I didn't know him at that time, but he was very honest and upfront with me in the beginning. We eventually married and then he was sentenced to 2 years along with being registered for life.

I agree with the other ladies, if he shows remorse for his actions and is able to seek help, then maybe you can work through this together. Your state of mind and emotions are completely normal right now. Give it some time, I am sure you will make the right decision for your family, one way or another.