Families of SOs Community Group
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Hello all,
I am a RSO but I do not live like one. I have done my time, (almost 7 years) and am a Christian. (I still have my bible that a Christian ministry gave to me and did not "throw it in the barrel" on the way out.)
I met a "Christian" woman on Craigslist. Other dating sites will not allow RSO's to be on there. (depressing but true). I was enthralled by what she wrote. I responded back to her. She revealed to me that she never had anyone respond like that before and she was in "awe" for the first hour after reading my reply to her.
We have exchanged texts and have even talked on the phone less than 5 times. (We mostly text right now)
She has sent pictures not only of her but also of her two sons. Right now she does not know of my RSO status.
She did live in Arizona but now lives roughly two hours away from me.
She is a wonderful woman so far. After all our discussions, she has stated to me that it's crossed her mind that she thinks she loves me. I haven't returned the sentiment because I still hardly know her to be honest. Back in the day when I was more immature I would have jumped in like Gilligan and said, "HOW COOOOL...I LOVE YOU TOOO"...lol.
It was her idea first to come up and visit me in a previous discussion. Then as it has gotten closer to Valentine's Day more or less, she mentioned it again. I mentioned to her, "...that I was thinking the same but only in reverse." I asked her if she had plans on Saturday Feb. 14th and she said no. I told her that I would like to take her out on that night and she has agreed.
We have sooo much in common. She even knew who Craig Chaquiso is!!!!! [She is only 29](me I am 17 years older than her. So far she knows my age and hasn't cared.) I love the way she thinks... really on everything.
I truly believe that she has fallen "head over heels" with me. She even said last night in a text of how adorable I was after responding to a concern that she had that she felt like she didn't want to "bother me". I responded that she is never bothering me and that she should never think that way. Because that is how a man should act.
I want to rent a car because even though I have a nice truck so-to-speak it is really not something I feel that I should drive around in on Valentine's Day with sandbags in the back bed of the truck....lol. So I am renting a nicer 4 door sedan. I plan on giving her a single red rose to begin with when I first see her. I have a fine dining reservation (thankfully I had the guts to tell here where it was going to be. I have never really been to too many fine dining places and the menu was definitely for a higher palate. She looked at the menu and gave the go ahead... lol... thank God... now I don't have to cancel my 1/2 dozen roses to be at the table when we get there to another business..lol.... seeeeee I am not a sap right?... the guy that took my reservations told me that anything larger than a 1/2 dozen will overcrowd the table) After dinner at the fine dining Jazz entertainment establishment I have plans to take her to a Jazz concert with a renowned female Jazz singer who can SANG...lol.
After that it's up in the air if we do another activity. Trust me it will not be sex because I want to wait for marriage like I should have the first time. We have even had sex discussions that were proper... however when things were getting a little too hot and heavy I explained to her (which comes from the bottom of my heart anyway) that she is God's daughter and I am going to be judged on whether I treated "His" daughter right or not. She stated that she will keep her fantasies to herself. I told her that I am all about sexy...but you know... we have to be careful. At least I think she agrees. It's never come up.
Sorry for the novel... but my problem boils down to this. In treatment class it was suggested that you tell them either on the 1st or 2nd date. After reading some of the posts on here, guys have waited wayyyy longer than would have been comfortable for me to say anything.
Since we are long distance right now... When should I tell her that I have to register as an RSO? I can't just take her to a coffee house. Do I tell her over the phone? In person? An email? Wait until she comes to visit me? (I have actually had ill thoughts...well what happens when she finds out and she was over my place... what kind of person is she... will she try to get revenge somehow by saying I did something that I did not do? Will she just simply leave and that's that?... I dunno.)
The other caveat is that her father is a former felon too. She mentioned that there is a difference in someone who continues to want to be a knucklehead and those that learned their lesson.
Will have empathy? Will she not want to deal with someone because of all the heartache she has had to deal with her dad on? I know...those are unanswerable questions right now.
Adding to the mix. This would be an interracial relationship if it were to flourish. Dating a black woman was never my first choice. I am pleasantly surprised in how cute she is. So not only would she have the RSO thing to deal with, she would have to deal with the trouble that an interracial relationship would bring. Now she has told me that she doesn't care what other people think about that.. whomever she is with is whomever she is with...
Sorry...things keep popping up as I type...lol. In a past conversation she had asked me if I had ever prayed to "find the one" and I told her yes of course. And within a few minutes of that conversation she mentioned out of the blue that she didn't care about my past. But this was after I told her that I have a maternal 1/2 brother who is incarcerated based on his schizophrenia, and has been cleared of all charges, but would be released and clear once he starts taking medication.
I did explain to her my relationship with my mother which it is non-existent at this present time only in part. It is true that my mom won't hardly have anything to do with me because I told her that I had found my biological mother haven't spoken to her in quite some time now. But I didn't reveal my incarceration was the final straw for my mom.
I am sorry... my mind is all over the place on paper so please bear with me.
So what do you all think?
-In His steps
I am a RSO but I do not live like one. I have done my time, (almost 7 years) and am a Christian. (I still have my bible that a Christian ministry gave to me and did not "throw it in the barrel" on the way out.)
I met a "Christian" woman on Craigslist. Other dating sites will not allow RSO's to be on there. (depressing but true). I was enthralled by what she wrote. I responded back to her. She revealed to me that she never had anyone respond like that before and she was in "awe" for the first hour after reading my reply to her.
We have exchanged texts and have even talked on the phone less than 5 times. (We mostly text right now)
She has sent pictures not only of her but also of her two sons. Right now she does not know of my RSO status.
She did live in Arizona but now lives roughly two hours away from me.
She is a wonderful woman so far. After all our discussions, she has stated to me that it's crossed her mind that she thinks she loves me. I haven't returned the sentiment because I still hardly know her to be honest. Back in the day when I was more immature I would have jumped in like Gilligan and said, "HOW COOOOL...I LOVE YOU TOOO"...lol.
It was her idea first to come up and visit me in a previous discussion. Then as it has gotten closer to Valentine's Day more or less, she mentioned it again. I mentioned to her, "...that I was thinking the same but only in reverse." I asked her if she had plans on Saturday Feb. 14th and she said no. I told her that I would like to take her out on that night and she has agreed.
We have sooo much in common. She even knew who Craig Chaquiso is!!!!! [She is only 29](me I am 17 years older than her. So far she knows my age and hasn't cared.) I love the way she thinks... really on everything.
I truly believe that she has fallen "head over heels" with me. She even said last night in a text of how adorable I was after responding to a concern that she had that she felt like she didn't want to "bother me". I responded that she is never bothering me and that she should never think that way. Because that is how a man should act.
I want to rent a car because even though I have a nice truck so-to-speak it is really not something I feel that I should drive around in on Valentine's Day with sandbags in the back bed of the truck....lol. So I am renting a nicer 4 door sedan. I plan on giving her a single red rose to begin with when I first see her. I have a fine dining reservation (thankfully I had the guts to tell here where it was going to be. I have never really been to too many fine dining places and the menu was definitely for a higher palate. She looked at the menu and gave the go ahead... lol... thank God... now I don't have to cancel my 1/2 dozen roses to be at the table when we get there to another business..lol.... seeeeee I am not a sap right?... the guy that took my reservations told me that anything larger than a 1/2 dozen will overcrowd the table) After dinner at the fine dining Jazz entertainment establishment I have plans to take her to a Jazz concert with a renowned female Jazz singer who can SANG...lol.
After that it's up in the air if we do another activity. Trust me it will not be sex because I want to wait for marriage like I should have the first time. We have even had sex discussions that were proper... however when things were getting a little too hot and heavy I explained to her (which comes from the bottom of my heart anyway) that she is God's daughter and I am going to be judged on whether I treated "His" daughter right or not. She stated that she will keep her fantasies to herself. I told her that I am all about sexy...but you know... we have to be careful. At least I think she agrees. It's never come up.
Sorry for the novel... but my problem boils down to this. In treatment class it was suggested that you tell them either on the 1st or 2nd date. After reading some of the posts on here, guys have waited wayyyy longer than would have been comfortable for me to say anything.
Since we are long distance right now... When should I tell her that I have to register as an RSO? I can't just take her to a coffee house. Do I tell her over the phone? In person? An email? Wait until she comes to visit me? (I have actually had ill thoughts...well what happens when she finds out and she was over my place... what kind of person is she... will she try to get revenge somehow by saying I did something that I did not do? Will she just simply leave and that's that?... I dunno.)
The other caveat is that her father is a former felon too. She mentioned that there is a difference in someone who continues to want to be a knucklehead and those that learned their lesson.
Will have empathy? Will she not want to deal with someone because of all the heartache she has had to deal with her dad on? I know...those are unanswerable questions right now.
Adding to the mix. This would be an interracial relationship if it were to flourish. Dating a black woman was never my first choice. I am pleasantly surprised in how cute she is. So not only would she have the RSO thing to deal with, she would have to deal with the trouble that an interracial relationship would bring. Now she has told me that she doesn't care what other people think about that.. whomever she is with is whomever she is with...
Sorry...things keep popping up as I type...lol. In a past conversation she had asked me if I had ever prayed to "find the one" and I told her yes of course. And within a few minutes of that conversation she mentioned out of the blue that she didn't care about my past. But this was after I told her that I have a maternal 1/2 brother who is incarcerated based on his schizophrenia, and has been cleared of all charges, but would be released and clear once he starts taking medication.
I did explain to her my relationship with my mother which it is non-existent at this present time only in part. It is true that my mom won't hardly have anything to do with me because I told her that I had found my biological mother haven't spoken to her in quite some time now. But I didn't reveal my incarceration was the final straw for my mom.
I am sorry... my mind is all over the place on paper so please bear with me.
So what do you all think?
-In His steps
@ Advocate I have personally talked with her on the phone. And yes... she sounds like a female. And no... she hasn't brought up the sex topic. It appears that she is honoring my request.
And tell me everyone... do you think that 17 years difference is a problem?...Just the fact that we have a lot of ideals in common... age shouldn't be to great apart....Anyone have suggestions on finding out for sure without being un-romantic?
Trying to get "Hangouts" installed from Gmail to face to face chat perhaps.
Or if anyone else has any comments criticism or tomatoes... definitely appreciated.
And thank you all so far for helping me. Again...greatly appreciated.
As far as the age gap, you are both adults. My hubby is several years older than me, and I'm actually attracted to older men, always have been. Dated guys a couple years older than I when I was in high school and college, but after that, I felt that guys near my age were not mature enough for me, so I started dating guys who were several years older.
As far as when you come forward with your past, I say it is best to do it in person. Communication is mostly based in body language, then tone, then what words were used. When you tell her in person, she can see how upset you are about your previous actions, and that you never want to repeat that mistake again.
From some of what you have shared so far, it seems as if she may be accepting, and willing to overlook your past.
Whatever you decide and whenever you decide to share this information, please share with us how it went. Welcome to the group.
Your Sister in Christ, Thought
Was it through my phone number and somehow she did a little detective work? I dunno.
Thank you my sister-in-Christ... you are appreciated more than you know. Just want this all to go right. :0)
Whether they are right or wrong reasons I still have decided not to tell her yet. (One reason coming up shortly)
The date? Went phenomenally well. I rented a car (2014 White Toyota Avalon nice car!). Picked her up and gave her a single dressed up red rose at her apartment, and because it was a rental car and I wasn't used to it it was beeping at me because I didn't put the car into "Park"..lol (thought I had....embarrassing moment #1) took her to dinner when I actually found the right place. Turns out there was another restaurant with the word "BIstro" on the end. (embarrassing moment #2) Dinner was exquisite. I didn't feel that any part of the dinner was uncomfy conversations wise. We left to go to a Jazz concert. I forgot the 1/2 dozen roses that originally were there for her at the table when we first arrived at the restaurant and the sever staff had to rush behind us (thankfully we were still inside the restaurant) to catch up. (embarrassing moment #3). We had a great time at the Jazz concert and because she reached out to hold my hand on the way out of the restaurant but was interrupted by the flower incident, I decided to take a chance and offer my hand while we were enjoying the concert. She reciprocated.
Because she hired a sitter, I then took her home. On the way, because it's been many many years since I had been to that area and it was night to my defense, I ended up driving on the wrong side of the street because I thought it was a one-way street. Thankfully there was no traffic around for blocks. (embarrassing moment #4... I think that's the last of those) I was able to correct my error without incident.
On the way to her apartment I said that I had a lovely evening with her and was wondering if she would like to join me for a 2nd date to the Harlem Globetrotters. She said yes.
Finally comes the end of the evening and I tipped the sitter some extra money (because without her we wouldn't have had an evening) We talked outside with the door closed to her apartment and we exchanged the big hug that she had been waiting for. On the second hug I did feel comfortable giving her a slight peck on the cheek as we embraced for one more time and I drove off for the 3 or so hour drive home that evening.
We have still kept in communication and was planning the date for the Harlem Globetrotters. She even discussed with me coming up for a weekend (I was relieved that she said she was going to pay for a hotel) in the beginning of April.
Things deteriorated quickly and a s#$!storm happened as we were planning the Harlem Globetrotters date. There was some miscommunication about her thinking that I went behind her back to hire a sitter when she hadn't heard from the sitter that she had been in contact with. That was further from the truth and things blew up exponentially like a nuclear weapon went off. She also thought I gave away the tickets that I did have for us. I had two sets. One for the show that I had gotten for free through my work in my town, and tickets for her end of town because she couldn't make it up to my neck of the woods.
So just as quickly as it started it ended (I deleted all of her texts at that time because i was hurt and mad) and then she sent an email a little later apologizing for getting upset but wasn't apologizing for what she said etc. I exchanged an e-mail back trying to explain to her that there was some miscommunications on both of our parts and that she was assuming my intentions as well. I thoroughly explained to her that I did not have a lot of experience with dating someone with kids and don't know a lot of the do's and dont's.
I made the decision that I was going to tell her at the end of our second date originally when I take her home and sit in the parking lot for a minute or have coffee after the game. Reasons being, I wanted her to get to know me for me... not have stupid stuff swirling in her head during a date. 1st dates are nerve wracking anyway. There is no need for further complications...lol.
I sent a hopeful e-mail to her this morning, after she I "think" sent me an open-ended email after my response to her yesterday, fully explaining myself and my original and truthful intentions.
I guess we will see if the 2nd date even happens. I have still yet to hear from my email response this morning.
Thank you all for letting me bend your ear,
InHisSteps