hello from snowy ohio,

I'm very glad I found this page as I have been searching the internet for support forums for loved ones of RSOs with little luck.

I am in a relatively new, serious relationship with a tier III RSO. I am very scared about the compliance checks, laws, and stigma,.. I have never encountered a sex offender, although I am used to the burden of having a family member in "the system" as my brother is a felon (drug related).

I care very deeply for this man and also feel that I am equipt from my own life experiences and personality to share his burden and hopefully be a support to him. (in a healthy way, not a codependent way) He has little to no family support. My family has basically disowned me from finding out about his SO, and I am not welcome around my family with him by my side.

From what I've gathered from very little court records I've seen of his, and what he says, he was coerced into a false guilty plea to avoid serving more time due to having a prior criminal record with outstanding warrents, etc, although they were all misdemeanors (non sexual or violent) It was a he said/she said with no character witness,physical evidence, or psych evals to support the claim (, and what sounds like null effort on the public appointed defense lawyer. He has a son with this woman, but has until now had a protection order although the charges were for her older daughter with (cha-ching) another man. She has a third child, with yet another man, whom she recently divorced this year. She is now in a serious relationship with and living with (cha-ching) another man. Him and his ex were together for 7 years, but he left her when she became a stripper. They had what sounds like a pretty volitile relationship and there were drugs involved until his son was born. he was 21 when he was put away. He has been out of prison 5 years now and his parole is ending this coming winter. His son's protection order recently expired @ the 5 yr mark and I am assuming this is now why she is pursuing him for (cha ching) custody and child support.

He is terrified , as am I, of attending court for this, and he is considering not showing. His son will be 18 in 5 years. and he is considering not showing for the custody hearing just to avoid facing the trauma all over again. I don't know the first step to take. He is in a very dark place right now, and very unhealthy psychologically. He managed pretty well for the first 2-3 years out of prison, and was in a steady relationship with someone, and held a job, however the physical demands of the job forced him to seek other work, and has now been unable to find work due to being RSO. He has been staying with me because his father is a raging alcoholic and unable to maintain a steady roof over his own head.

I have read a little bit about wrongful convictions/coerced pleas and I know it may be a stretch, but could it be a possibility, given the time, effort, and money, to attempt exoneration? It's probably my Freudian denial defense mechanism kicking in, maybe Im not yet ready to face the full spectrum of what it means to be with an RSO an share that burden, but recently he has been faced hard with the reality and burden his RSO status has, and I am painfully aware as well. I try my best to listen empathetically and be supportive, but I am scared for him, what a future together might be without (steady)work for him, the battle with this ex who sounds like the "fatal attraction" type,(and what she could to draw me into trouble) and the toll it will take to pursue or not pursue shared custody or at least, visitation rights with his son. it is extremely painful for him to talk about, and he has forced himself to "out of sight, out of mind' his son to survive prison and try not to be absolutely heart broken about his child being ripped from him. As a result, when the topic of his felony and past comes up, its very difficult for me to ask questions rather than to listen supportively, but I am then left in the dark about many things.

I would think the first step would be to gather all the court papers he has and consult a laywer on simply the next step. he doesn't trust laywers after his was worthless to him during his legal process. We also cannot afford a laywer, as my income alone is only enough to maintain the roof over our head, food on the table, and bills paid.

Sorry for the long backround here, I don't even really know what questions to start asking! Did anyone when they first met an RSO struggle with questioning innocence vs. accepting if they were in fact guilty of the charge? I find myself asking myself that question, but I keep coming back to the same conclusion, that I would love him regardless because of how deeply I care about him, and the person that he is, now. But then I wonder, if he did commit that crime, what does that mean for a future with him, especially if we were to have our own children? I see people in here reference "triggers" and warning signs, recovery plans, etc for SOs who are guilty of having committed crimes, especially with children.. Where do I find out more information on this? everything I research regarding RSOs has to do mainly with simply laws regarding registration.

We both care very much about eachother, but I can see that this is a fragile point in our relationship, right now, and also how fragile he is at the moment.

Thanks for the support, if even simply an ear to listen