For many, what they did was a huge mistake and getting caught is the best thing for them. They learn from their mistakes and do what it takes to never reoffend. Your husband can turn his life around, and if you want to be there to help him do that, then he will be more successful. You will have to defend him when speaking to friends, family, church members, but someday they may see more than just his mistake and see the man who he turns out to be.

My guy was arrested the day before he was to go to Iraq. I wonder if God saved him from ending up on the casualty list, and I can't help but be grateful that he's still alive and we have more life to look forward to.

ThoughAsWeak is absolutely correct, for many it was a huge mistake and complete lapse in judgment. And you will find yourself defending your husband when it comes to small minded individuals. I have already encountered this several times, myself. Luckily, for us, my parents are a huge support system to both of us and for that, I am very grateful and blessed! People will always see what they want to see, we just have to prove them wrong! :-) Hang in there.

Thank you I so surrounded by negativity about it its nice to have encouragement sometimes

I'm with you, Beachchange. Sometimes people do horrible things. There are people who do them out of the intent to harm others and take things from them. I have encountered people like that. There are others who do horrible things, but without that intent. They get caught in something. They may lie and betray but not with the intent to do harm. Often it is more out of fear.

You have the right to make the determination for yourself which one of these your guy is.

I know my guy did something really horrible, but he is not a horrible person. If there were truly an opportunity to make things better, he would be doing everything he could. That opportunity, however, was taken away by the our so-called justice system.

The justice system steals people's humanity. There is not an opportunity to re-form or change or forgive. Too many people think that, just because the system is set-up that way, that they have to act that way, too.

If more people chose to have loving, forgiving attitudes, the system would change because that kind of hatred cannot stand when people approach even difficult situations like ours with love.

We cannot change others. Only ourselves. Keep loving and believing in your guy and I pray for the best outcome for all involved.

I am very sorry you and your family are having to go through this. Sometimes we don't even know what were doing or why until its too late. My ex threw me to the wolves and cheered at my demise, but it was her way of coping and a way for her to try to forget me and start over. She thought she new me so well but she really didn't know me at all as i had great fears and secrets that i couldn't tell anyone, or so i thought. I wish she would have stood by me but i understood as i destroyed her and all the memories. In a way it might have been better for my son as i was a lousy father at the time and my son now is an incredible person. If i can be of any help please let me know.

Scooby I felt like your ex at first but not for.long im a VERY empathetic person and while im disgusted and feel extremely betrayed I know he was depressed and secretive I didnt know that it was to this extent but I realize he obviously has his own issues going on I hope he can take responsibility as you seem to have done and I hope he gets the help he needs

I too was angry and felt betrayed when my hub's crimes were revealed. However, after I had time to reflect, and with God's help was able to forgive and be there to support him.

Scooby, my hub regrets not being as good of a father as he could have, and wishes he could change the past, but can't. All you can do now is to be the best father to your son now. You can still work on your relationship with him.

Yeah definitely scooby its not too late to try to be part of your sons life

Thank you, i am trying to reconnect with him but i have been a mess. I have been in a self imposed exile for years now out of shame and fear and bad meds because of depression. Seven years now in my new home and i have not made one friend or talked to any neighbors, and no family close by. I'm off the meds finally and starting to realize that i have to try to reach out, but it's scary because of my anxieties and past. Hopefully my son has not given up on me.

Scooby, as much as society wants to define you by your past, you ARE NOT your past. You are a different person. Those who get to know you will look past your conviction. It may take time but you can reconnect with your son.