I am sure that most here are aware of the 5 stages of grief when losing a loved one. Well, here is my own take on the grieving process when faced with a major change in your life when your loved one loses their freedom due to incarceration and being a sex offender. For the last two years, my life, along with my husband's, has permanently changed as we know it. We both are experiencing a loss-loss of freedom, loss of job, and separation for a period of time. Today is All Saint's Day in my church. So, loss and grief are at the forefront of my mind. Starting this Friday, I will have to stand on my own two feet and maintain a home and manage bills, take care of our 11 year old dog, and keep both of my jobs so that my husband will have a semblance of familiarity when is out on parole, hopefully in 20 months. What I have discovered in the last two years, while my husband has been in legal limbo, is that I am a much stronger woman now than I was the night of October 3. These next two years, while they will be challenging without my husband, I am better equipped to handle both physically and emotionally. That's thanks to God, our families, my church community and employers, and my music. God, violin, and supportive communities such as my church, friends, and this site, have been the glue holding me together. I would love to hear from other's here how they have coped with their own grief and loss while their loved ones are/were incarcerated. I am scared but also empowered. My family has sheltered me and tried to protect me from the harshness of this world. When I married 11 years ago, I was ill equipped mentally and emotionally to deal with life. My 85 year old mother keeps telling me that she hates that I am having to suffer like this, that I don't deserve to carry this burden and that I will always be unhappy as long as remain married to my sex offender husband-POPPYCOCK!!!! I know that the crime my husband committed doesn't have to determine my own happiness and my own self worth. What I do and what I accomplish and how I see myself determines my own self worth and my own happiness. The big challenge here is to persevere through the pain, the loss, and the sentence and maintain our dignity. So, while our corrupt judicial system can take away our freedoms, they cannot take away our dignity and self respect. That's what my husband has realized, as have I.
May the peace of God, which passes all understanding, keep our hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of Him, and of his son, Jesus. Amen.
Love to all of you. Thank you.