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Getting nervous

frgvnss
frgvnss
Our family member has been gone 3 months, has been arraigned on state charges, but now soon to be arraigned on federal charges. When he was first arraigned, within 24 hours of the arrest, the media came on like a firestorm! TV, newspapers, social media....they were even at our front door. UGH!

So, as we approach this 2nd arraignment for federal charges, I am getting close to petrified that there will be a 2nd coming with the news, all over again. But what then? Will it happen again when sentencing occurs? Just wish this could happen all within one day. Just be done with it.

We have made progress with finding our normal. But we have a long way to go. I've had and still have some issues with people. Never really been "approached" but had awkward moments in the driveway, walking the dogs, or in a store. I know as time passes, things should get easier. But how does it get easier with the media there every time something happens?

Neighbors, some any ways, have been nice and conversational. Church friends/acquaintances also have been nice. Small town, when you mention your name to other townies, people know. But again, no one is confrontational, yet. This has just been a nightmare.

To any ladies on the feed, has anyone sought out self defense classes? It's thought that rolls in and out of my head from time to time. Just to be prepared or safe, I guess. Feel so vulnerable. Not sure what, if anything, will make me more comfortable.
Sam66
Sam66
Unfortunately there's no good "news" for you. It will hit the media again.....and again. And there will be time in between for it to somewhat blow over. Federal may or may not publish it when he is arraigned, but you can bet they will when he is either convicted or takes a plea and then again several months later at sentencing. I'm also from a small town and the only thing I can say is that while "everyone" knows, most have been forgiving to me at least. I have kept my head high and I have refused to acknowledge it to only but a few friends. I have left it in everyone else's hands. If they bring it up then I will discuss it, but THEY will need to be the one to have the nerve to bring it up. I don't know if the time in between is good or bad. Ours was nearly 5 years between state and federal charges and then nearly 4 years from arraignment to plea and then 8 months from plea to sentencing. So my only advice is to take one day at a time and don't forget to enjoy life and spend some time smiling. Stressing over it won't help. I had to limit myself on even "researching" it because I would get worked up.

Feel free to message me if you need someone to vent to! I'm usually on here every few days or so.
tears4son3
tears4son3
I am sorry you have to go through this. I will keep your family in my prayers.
janetmackie
janetmackie
frgvnss: I'm not sure that self defense classes will keep you "safe" but they might give you more self confidence, mentally and physically. Sam66 is right (I think) keep your head high, make them have the nerve to bring it up. If what they bring up is not a comment but an 'attack' just look ate them and says," I can't believe you said that." and then just look at them. (It will remind them to mind their manners) Another verbal "self defense' maneuver: When they make a derogatory remarks, Having a few select responses (or just looking at them and turning away. Or asking them about the weather) anyway, memorizing a few verbal self defense 'moves' never hurts all well. Even if you never actually have to use them, I think it helps to know that in a pinch you won't be caught flat footed. Maybe others have a few moves that worked for them. (Like long hot baths and chocolate and...? ) you probably know a few already. A little self confidence always helps to re-frame a frightening situation into something unpleasant but manageable. Take care of yourself it's not only him that's going through the ca-ca. Anyway, Sam66 has good advice. Janet Mackie
frgvnss
frgvnss
Thank you so much. Some days I'm mentally and/or emotionally stronger. Just the closer we get to court dates, the more my nervous I get. I try to think logically that once all the hearings, court appearances, and the like are over, and he is moved to where he will serve the majority of his sentence, then perhaps things will go from being at the edge of my seat, to actually being able to relax. Which is why I'm that "fight or flight" mentality almost all the time.

And I want to know I can have family and friends over. We aren't the real social gathering type. But, we do have family and friends who would visit to hep us get through things. My issue with this is people making themselves a target just by being here. Especially men. No one really knows who our family member is other than what they saw on tv or news headlines - lovely mug shot, and I'm afraid any man in our home or on our property would be subject to harassment - to say the very least.

Am I wrong or irrational to think this, or is it best to play it safe? And if I should play it safe, for how long?
janetmackie
janetmackie
Frgvnss: Probably shouldn't have supportive people/ family bring their children over with them when they visit. Other than that adults (men) can make there own minds up about whether to visit but I think it's probably important not to have kids (even teenagers) over because some nosey parker might take a cell phone picture / might report that. And at this stage better safe than give the reporters something else to 'report'. Try not to be too scared. Just do sensible things and don't worry about l the rest. Whatever unexpected happens won't be something you thought to worry about anyway! Take care Janet Mackie.