Families of SOs Community Group

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kathismom2011 04/30/2016

2 years ago today my husband was arrested. It happened about 6:30 am. I had just gotten to sleep. I suffer from insomnia. I heard my name called and was told to come into the living room. There were 4 FBI guys with guns and rifles. 2 more were on the front deck with my husband handcuffed sitting on the porch swing. He was crying. They checked the trailer for more people. It was only myself and my husband and the cats. I was instructed to gather his meds and get his glasses and shoes. Which I did. My husband had been sick for anout 2 days before with a stomach bug, so he was sleeping in the spare bedroom. He had heard them pound on the front door and answered it. I was told by the lead officer that he would be arraigned at 2 pm and the bond was $50,pop cash only.
I keep replaying it in my head and it's been worse this week. I am so depressed I really thought about hurting my self last week. I got through the night. Nights are worse for me. I don't sleep in a bed anymore due to anxiety. Top it all off my dad almost died 2 weeks ago. He's 82 and has been in the hospital and now he's in rehab. I've been staying with my mom at their place. She's 82 also. Neither one of them drive anymore. I'm also being forced to move out of my trailer by my sister and brother-in-law. They bought the trailer a year and a half ago. I've been living with them. I'm trying to get SSI disability. Still waiting. I feel like I am drowning. I should know in 30-60 says if I get a section 8 voucher.
Worst of all my husband called and told me that he was moved from the minimum building back to the medium building. He said they told him that he was red flaged for his depression and that today was the anniversary of his arrest and his birthday is tomorrow May 1st and I can't go visit him like I was planning to. Also he's still having trouble adjusting.
Thanks for letting me vent. My friends and family don't understand how I feel and what I'm dealing with. I sure found out who my friends were through this experience.

honestwitness 04/30/2016

Hugs to you, dear. We're here for you, whatever your mood. We do understand. My son, my oldest, who's in prison, told me he has learned two techniques that help him to cope...take deep, slow breaths and force yourself to smile. This works for him as well as the antidepression meds he's been taking for 5 years.

Advocate2 04/30/2016

Wish we could help more - I understand completely. It was my son and not my husband but the lasting effects are the same. I still wake up startled during the night thinking I heard pounding on the door. When the phone rings or someone knocks on the door I jump half way out of my skin every time. We are here for you and understand.

nsiclkeba 04/30/2016

Hugs to you. Our knock at the door came at 7am and they took my husband away. Just remember you are not alone. Meditation really helps. I also get nervous whenever someone knocks on my door. Major anxiety but I am learning how to cope and deal. Deep breathing, positive thinking, and meditation. As my husband says, keep smiling.

tsmom2012 04/30/2016

I understand as anniversary dates are always hard for me too. All i can tell you is to keep you head up, take one day at a time and most important take care of yourself.
Most family and friends do not know what you are dealing with, some will try. It is hard not having someone to talk to about how you feel. Please make sure you come here and vent when needed.

westdenali 04/30/2016

I feel for you. There are good days, bad days, angry days, sad days........

And you are right about figuring out who really cares.

So many friends and family do not understand. They say move on and get over it. So easy to say when they are not affected.

I will continue to support, love, and forgive.

We are here for you.

peace2all 05/01/2016

You have so much on your plate, it is overwhelming at times. Leave the past where it belongs, in the past. Try playing some soothing music at bedtime and practice deep breathing and meditation to help you relax. Lack of sleep can really negatively affect your mood and state of mind.

Dealing with your husband's situation is tough enough, plus helping aging parents, you are really carrying a heavy cross. Life is just so hard sometimes. You have to take care of yourself, number one, so you have something left to give to others. I hope you are seeing a doctor about your feelings of depression and wanting to hurt yourself. At the very least, find a good friend who will listen and understand what you are going through. I know, they are rare. When you feel like you are drowning, remember we are always here to throw you a "life preserver" of understanding. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

klw9653 05/07/2016

you've got a lot on your plate! I'll be praying for both you and hubby.

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