Families of SOs Community Group

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Fear and Isolation

BCKITTY
BCKITTY

This seems like by now i should not have to deal with this issue. Our events happened 30 years ago went thru courts and counseling(we had an awesome counselor) and we as a family have worked on surviving. New laws go in affect and changes the way you are suppose to NOT EVER FEEL accepted that as a family we survived but pariah of society. Dont let anyone fool you they (society )blame eferyone the perpetrator, the victims, the spouse. They do not want you to remind them that they even failed you not showing you how to get help. They want it all put in a box and thrown away.  We are active christians and we know the church leaders know of our past. But what i do not understand is why ones want to always feel they have the power over you, that they put it upon themselves to remind us of our past. It revictimizes and victimizes. Just when you are feeling ok they remind you.  Our society watches these programs that show the worst case scenario and put you with them. We on our own are very alert to not put our selves in a posistion to be falsely accused, we always put ourselves on guard.


 People say such hurtful things. They make the woman who stayed like we are weak,not educated on what happened. They isolate us feeling like something might rub off on them. The stigma that hangs over you. And you are so beneath them, but if they want something from you, you feel so bad about yourself that you put yourself out emotionally and financially all the time, just a sign of freindship or acceptance. Dont dare stand up and say no because if you do they then find a way to remind you that you and your family are only here because we allowed you. I know that is not what scripture says but that doesnt mean anything to your emotions. I know I cannot change anyone but myself I just need direction of what and how to implement something that will make me let what they do not bother me. 

Tetris
Tetris
I understand, I have a 25 year old sex offense. A single event that took place when I was black out drunk and which I have no memory of. I have done 4 years in prison, went to years of counseling and never even came close to reoffending. I since met a woman whom I later married and we have 3 wonderful kids. Two boys and a little girl. My boys are 16 and 12 and my girl is 10. My oldest suffers from depression but takes medication and copes pretty well most of tine. My two younger ones have a rare spectrum disorder causing learning disability and speech delay and a whole Gambit of problems. It is a real struggle. My 10 year old girl while being fairly intelligent considering all her problems is incontinent and still wears diapers. She is very small for her age and wears pull-ups. She often has accidents at school and gets diaper changes there. My past is well known throughout my area and of course at her school. CPS is called often and we are under constant investigation by police and CPS workers. That slightest redness that may be found in her diaper area or the smallest injury elsewhere which probably was caused by a rough and tumble 10 year old gets reported immediately. Because of her disabilities she cannot communicate very effectively if asked what happened. It's hard to know now how many CPS cases have been opened up against this family only to be closed and discovered unfounded. Maybe 20? 25? But we are a good family and we all stick together and love each other. My dear wife loves me unconditionally and I'm feel the same. And I would move heaven and Earth for my kids. I adore them and I do my best to shield then from the uglier side of things. But I cannot totally do that. All this questioning and visiting and official company every other week is affecting them. Especially my 16 year old. I feel my whole family is being punished for my past. I never wanted it to be this way. When you said pariah I so so understand that people in the neighborhood definitely treat us as such. We try to hold our heads up and have some pride but it's so hard. As for the future it looks like we'll just keep getting investigated...
BCKITTY
BCKITTY
I am so sorry that your family has to go thru this. I do appreciate to hear of your resolve it is strengthening to me!