Families of SOs Community Group
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I haven’t been posting really since the beginning when all of this started but I’ve been checking in and reading posts. Even if I don’t always share, it helps to read what others have to say and are going through. My boyfriend’s trial is in three weeks and the anxiety I feel is rising each day we get closer. Even though his public defender truly believes his innocence and even thinks that the prosecutor will dismiss the case I can’t/won’t let myself get excited or hopeful. I still always expect the worst. I want so badly to be hopeful, but I know that if he ends up going to trial and being found guilty it will crush me all over again, the way it did when he was arrested in the first place. I’ve seen so many stories and and looked at all the statistics of people that have been convicted and spent decades on prison for these crimes and I’m terrified for him. How are you supposed to have any hope with a justice system that allows innocent people to be sent to prison because even though they aren’t guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, people don’t want to take the chance of letting someone go free and do it again. It makes it more difficult with everything in the media right now...seeing people I know talking about “presumption of innocence” when it comes to the whole Kavanaugh debacle but then these are the same people that are judging my boyfriend guilty when they know absolutely none of the facts of his case. I’m so terribly angry...angry with the public, the media, the police department, the DA, his accuser...so angry at everything right now. If I am this angry, I can only imagine how angry he is...sitting there waiting for everyone else to decide his fate. I know that he was a patient man and controlled his anger well before but this has tested his strength and stretched those tolerance levels so much. I worry that if/when he does get through this, he’s going to have changed so much. Who wouldn’t be changed by this? I certainly have been.
As for not being hopeful, I can tell you that I am the same way. I actually had my hopes up that he will get probation and was absolutely devastated that he ended up with a prison sentence. The thing I "learned" through this mess is that worrying does nothing. I had to keep myself preoccupied as much as possible with podcasts, our son, working and etc.
My fiance is the same way with being patient and controlling his anger. My niece was being touched by a neighbor boy and it somehow got twisted to it being him at night even though I was the one sleeping with her! My fiance has become pretty religious and tells me that he is meant to be there, if he wasn't there, something else "bad" could have happened. We are VERY lucky with where he was placed and he said that the officers actually treat him like a person and even joke around with them. Because of that, I have "faith" that he will come home the same man he was before, even better if that's possible.
PLEASE don't say "if" you guys get through this because you will. Love conquers all. Good luck and please feel free to reach out to me if you want to talk.
I can't turn my back on him, knowing he's innocent, but the future does scare me. When they offered a deal that would allow him to be out in 13 years, I can't say that I wasn't tempted to tell him to take it considering someone had just been sentenced to 140 years for similar charges...but neither of us wants him to plead guilty to something that he did not do.