I can't imagine how empty it must feel for you, kathismom201. Even though two out of three of my children are in prison with very long sentences, at least they're all still alive.

I spent Christmas day with my husband's family and they're all good people. However, hubby is the stepdad to all my children and so his relatives are not related to my children. So, I felt kind of alone, today, too.

My one son that is NOT in prison lives in Oregon, over 1000 miles away from me. (I'm in the Kansas City area right now.) So, I could only be with him by email and text messages today.

My middle son is in year 3 of a 4-yrs-to-life sentence in Colorado. I visited him in September, but won't be able to do so again until spring. I'm just not willing to take a chance on driving in winter weather.

I went to the mailbox today and found a card from my eldest son, who's in year 4 of a 20-yr sentence in Iowa. I visited him last August, but I probably won't get to do so again until after the threat of icy roads has long past, because he's so far away. Here's what my son wrote inside the card.

"Momma,

"It's hard to come up with new ways to express how integral and positive is your presence in my life.

"Oddly, like you've said before, we communicate now more than we did before I got mixed up with the law.

"That is more than a silver lining. It is a spectacular sunrise, brilliant and breathtaking.

"I'm definitely hugging your right now."

Then he drew a smiley face and signed his name and DOC number.

When my double nightmare started about five years ago, I got a prescription for anti-depressant meds. I took them for two years. But, once my sons got “settled” in prison and I had visited them a few times, I decided to get off the meds. I weaned myself off very slowly and have been doing fine ever since then. But holidays are hard.

I do have a prescription for anti-anxiety meds that I take only occasionally. Tomorrow, I plan to take a pill, before I go visit my own family. We’re having a big get-together with around 30 people.

I will be in the same room with my niece, who is the one that accused my Colorado son of raping her. I went to the trial and watched as she sat on the witness stand and basically put him away for life. My son insists that she lied and my son’s lawyer told me she believed my son 100%. But the jury believed my niece. So, now my son sits in prison, possibly for the rest of his life. Colorado’s laws are some of the harshest in the country.

However, my son has told me that he wants me to forgive her…and my brother for supporting her throughout the trial. My son believes God wants him in prison for a reason and he intends to fulfill God’s purpose for him, until God performs some kind of miracle and gets my son out.

Both of my incarcerated sons call and write me often. Every single call or letter contains sincere words of gratitude to me for supporting them with my time, efforts, and money. Every time they call, they make me laugh by saying some funny or silly thing. I think it’s amazing they can do that, even though they’re locked up in cages.

So, take courage, if you can. We on this forum know some of what you’re feeling at this difficult time of year.

kathismom201: My grown daughter died after a long struggle with ovarian cancer a year before your daughter died. She always loved going to the beach and so did my mom and my grandmother. To get over sometimes feeling so lost and alone after she died, I imagine that she's just gone to then at the sea shore and is there running along the edge as the waves come in looking for shells and laughing with my mom and my grandmother, both of whom certainly love her as much as I did and who, I am certain, were there to welcome her home with them. They were women who also loved me and all three of them will be there to welcome me someday, not tomorrow but someday. It eases the pain. If you are a Christian maybe you think of meeting your daughter "in the company of all the angels and saints" who have gone before? Not soon but someday? Just like you know that right now you plan to meet your husband if not New Years weekend, then soon. Take care.. You aren't alone.

Thank you honest witness and janetmackie. Your words have helped. I too live in the Kansas City area. I'm new to this group. I'd like to know how to tag you as friends.

I sent you a friend request.

please explain in detail just how to "friend" someone? I know how to reply to an email but I don't know how t initiate one myself to someone on Daily Strength.

Janet, you can click on the person's name, it's a hyperlink to their profile page. At the top right corner, you can send them a message or you can send them a friend request.

Kathismom, it's hard, that's for sure. My husband is in his 4th yr of a 30 yr sentence. I miss him greatly. It try to focus on my next visit, my next phone call, my next letter to get my through this times. The holidays are hard when you can't be with your family.

alone for christmas? oh yeah.... my daughter is serving time in AL. i live with my son but he decided to spend the night at a friend's house christmas eve then christmas morning to his girlfriend's house. by time he did that, went to work and picked up his son they got home at about 9:30 christmas night.

christmas eve and christmas morning i sat here and bawled.

This was my second christmas without my youngest son (he is a year and a half into a 15 year sentence). I did have my other 2 sons, daughter in law, and some grandkids here for dinner, but it's still hard having my baby gone.
My heart goes out to all of you. This is not an easy life, but we will survive it.