Families of SOs Community Group
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I don't post often, but I do read all the posts on here as time allows. At times it is difficult because I feel so much your pain.
Today, I am in pain. My granddaughter who will be turning 4 in a few weeks was abducted on Tuesday. I might be to blame.
She has been abducted by her mother who has been with our son for the past 7 years. They are engaged, not legally married although she uses our last name.
Last month in order to "help" our son (and his family) we loaned him money for real estate. He titled it in his name only, as we advised. Apparently, this may have cause resentment, as they had a fight over the issue after that. My husband and I have basically helped to support them for the past 7 years due to our son being listed on the registry and his job situation. When he was working, he bought her a Porsche SUV. She doesn't work unless you consider the following.
She joined on as a Beach Body coach, and he resented the time and money expended on the products, the body image, nails, tanning, and the 750.00 a month phone bill. She called me and complained. I really never bonded with her due to distance and age and they live 10 hours away. Yes, they come to visit a couple of times a year.
I wanted to bond with her, give her a break and I wanted to see my Granddaughter so...I offered her a vacation and she seemed happy and excited. I booked their flights and started planning the activities. They arrived May 4th. We went out to dinner to celebrate their arrival, we went to the Zoo, the movies, lunches out, dinners out, had planned a small cruise, had a slumber party with her 6 yr. old cousin and they spent the day at Chuck E Cheese. Went to a wonderful Mother's Day brunch with face painting, balloons etc. then headed to the Wild Animal Park and of course all the gifts. My house was destroyed and I didn't care. I just wanted this to be something to remember.
However, I do need to admit, by the 6th day, and after having back surgery, I was so exhausted that every bone in my body ached and my granddaughter never ever napped. Mom let her stay up til 10, and she awoke at 6 every morning. I was looking forward to their departure.
In my experience, a daughter-in-law is someone that I must tiptoe around. So, admitting their were times I bit my lip and practiced self talk, "Let it go, don't say a word, as she spent most of her time on Facebook and texting while my husband and I ran around, played, read etc. It did get irritating when I would find full cups of coffee sitting on the new carpet and not ever to lift a finger to help.
It was the morning of departure. We had to leave for the airport soon. Apparently, she called our son and he was angry over finding a 1,500 phone bill. So, she came to me and stated that she didn't want to go home.
I was in shock, and asked her "What happened, what's going on???
She started to cry and I said "If you were unhappy, why now? why didn't you mention anything this whole week?
In the car on the way to the airport she kept telling my husband and I that unless we did something she was going to call the sheriff and tell them that he was a "sex offender" and he would never see his daughter again.
After several threats, we turned and calmly said, "It feels like you are making threats against us, that unless we do what you want, you are going to teach us a lesson. I thought things had calmed down, I offered to let our granddaughter stay with us until she and our son could work things out but she refused and we arrived at the airport. I walked them to the luggage check in, when all of a sudden she grabbed my granddaughter and bailed. I was begging as I ran after them saying, p-l-e-a-se- don't do this and she disappeared. We really thought it was a bluff and she would be on that plane, but they never arrived.
My son is beside himself, we are devastated. Can't sleep, can't eat. My son refused to let me call the police, Since his arrest in 2004, he will not trust them and feels he has no recourse. I hate that! Because you're a registrant you have no recourse! I tried to explain that he still has rights!
Eventually, we found out that older friends of the family picked them up at the airport and they told her that she couldn't stay with them but they would make arraignment for her to go to a SAFE HOUSE. Our son has never been abusive just mad. He claims that facebook has become an addiction and that nothing ever gets done.
(My son had previously said he was excited for them to come, but she had spent too much money for the trip on spray tanning, fake nails, makeup, clothes and then a photo shoot.
They have no money and when they can't pay the rent, she calls me!) and earlier they had to sell her car.
All I know is that if a man had done this, he'd be in jail. This is so unfair that a women can use the registry to threaten and get away with this. I am beside myself right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for this awful and long post!
Today, I am in pain. My granddaughter who will be turning 4 in a few weeks was abducted on Tuesday. I might be to blame.
She has been abducted by her mother who has been with our son for the past 7 years. They are engaged, not legally married although she uses our last name.
Last month in order to "help" our son (and his family) we loaned him money for real estate. He titled it in his name only, as we advised. Apparently, this may have cause resentment, as they had a fight over the issue after that. My husband and I have basically helped to support them for the past 7 years due to our son being listed on the registry and his job situation. When he was working, he bought her a Porsche SUV. She doesn't work unless you consider the following.
She joined on as a Beach Body coach, and he resented the time and money expended on the products, the body image, nails, tanning, and the 750.00 a month phone bill. She called me and complained. I really never bonded with her due to distance and age and they live 10 hours away. Yes, they come to visit a couple of times a year.
I wanted to bond with her, give her a break and I wanted to see my Granddaughter so...I offered her a vacation and she seemed happy and excited. I booked their flights and started planning the activities. They arrived May 4th. We went out to dinner to celebrate their arrival, we went to the Zoo, the movies, lunches out, dinners out, had planned a small cruise, had a slumber party with her 6 yr. old cousin and they spent the day at Chuck E Cheese. Went to a wonderful Mother's Day brunch with face painting, balloons etc. then headed to the Wild Animal Park and of course all the gifts. My house was destroyed and I didn't care. I just wanted this to be something to remember.
However, I do need to admit, by the 6th day, and after having back surgery, I was so exhausted that every bone in my body ached and my granddaughter never ever napped. Mom let her stay up til 10, and she awoke at 6 every morning. I was looking forward to their departure.
In my experience, a daughter-in-law is someone that I must tiptoe around. So, admitting their were times I bit my lip and practiced self talk, "Let it go, don't say a word, as she spent most of her time on Facebook and texting while my husband and I ran around, played, read etc. It did get irritating when I would find full cups of coffee sitting on the new carpet and not ever to lift a finger to help.
It was the morning of departure. We had to leave for the airport soon. Apparently, she called our son and he was angry over finding a 1,500 phone bill. So, she came to me and stated that she didn't want to go home.
I was in shock, and asked her "What happened, what's going on???
She started to cry and I said "If you were unhappy, why now? why didn't you mention anything this whole week?
In the car on the way to the airport she kept telling my husband and I that unless we did something she was going to call the sheriff and tell them that he was a "sex offender" and he would never see his daughter again.
After several threats, we turned and calmly said, "It feels like you are making threats against us, that unless we do what you want, you are going to teach us a lesson. I thought things had calmed down, I offered to let our granddaughter stay with us until she and our son could work things out but she refused and we arrived at the airport. I walked them to the luggage check in, when all of a sudden she grabbed my granddaughter and bailed. I was begging as I ran after them saying, p-l-e-a-se- don't do this and she disappeared. We really thought it was a bluff and she would be on that plane, but they never arrived.
My son is beside himself, we are devastated. Can't sleep, can't eat. My son refused to let me call the police, Since his arrest in 2004, he will not trust them and feels he has no recourse. I hate that! Because you're a registrant you have no recourse! I tried to explain that he still has rights!
Eventually, we found out that older friends of the family picked them up at the airport and they told her that she couldn't stay with them but they would make arraignment for her to go to a SAFE HOUSE. Our son has never been abusive just mad. He claims that facebook has become an addiction and that nothing ever gets done.
(My son had previously said he was excited for them to come, but she had spent too much money for the trip on spray tanning, fake nails, makeup, clothes and then a photo shoot.
They have no money and when they can't pay the rent, she calls me!) and earlier they had to sell her car.
All I know is that if a man had done this, he'd be in jail. This is so unfair that a women can use the registry to threaten and get away with this. I am beside myself right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for this awful and long post!
I would be interested to know how she is going to support all those expensive tastes by herself - my guess is that she already has another man waiting in the wings. She sounds like a selfish and self-centered young lady.
Yes your son definitely has parental rights ...how did she use the registry to threaten?
I agree with peace2all. You are not to blame for this situation. You have shown them nothing but love and support. I think your daughter-in-law is angry and she has created this situation.
I will keep your family in my prayers.
I admit our son has trust and jealousy issues. He met his first wife in high school. After 5 years of dating, they were married. They bought a house and had a son. They let a (male) friend of her family stay with them "to help him out". Our son returned from work and found them together! They separated, and later he took her back. When it happened a second time, that was the end. She ran off and left him with a 5 yr. old. He was devastated. She sold the house and moved in with her boyfriend.
His self esteem was in the gutter, even though he is/was a very handsome man, and he eventually lost his job.
In 2003, while posting a flier at the small community bulletin board advertising the custom furniture he made, a young women approached and started a conversation. She later called him after retrieving his number off the flier. She said she was 19. She called several times and they met again. They did not have sex. Later, he found out the she was actually shy of her 16th birthday and told her never to contact him again! He changed his phone number.
A year later, apparently while she was at a discipline hearing, her mother searched her room. Her mother found a letter that the now almost 17 yr. old had written to our son a year earlier, but never sent, claiming she loved him, claiming that she was distraught over the fact that our son would not take her calls. (he had actually changed his number)
At the same exact time his now ex-wife had filed for custody of their son, and a custody battle began.
Our son was awarded final custody in court with not even visitation for the mom, Later that same day, he was arrested, Even though he was charged with molestation, he still kept custody. He refused the plea and it took over a year to get to court. Since he wouldn't plea guilty and take the plea, they stacked the charges. And of course the story is so long, I can't possibly go into details. We were forced to trial before the attorney was ready since this girl was turning 18. He was convicted and served 3 yrs. in prison.
So yea, he has trust issues. I spent all Tuesday afternoon on the phone convincing him not to take his own life.
Apparently, every time that they had a disagreement, she would remind him that if she were to ever leave, he would never see his daughter again due to the fact that he is a registrant.
I think this is the kind of threat that can lead anyone to depression when they fill hopeless and yes, to me it's a form of blackmail. You do everything I say or else!
My husband and I picked them up and paid over 500.00 to fly them back, since the flight was last minute. Not once did we get an apology or a Thank you. She even lied and said that she had canceled the earlier flight so that there should be a credit.
I know that this is not over, and if our son doesn't agree to give her everything she wants, it will happen again.
She says she loves him, but I wonder how she would have felt if he had followed through and killed himself.
Our son loves his daughter so much that he will do anything. She is his world.
Some people just know how to work others and work the system. She told us that her mother is expecting a huge disability check in July, and her mother lives in their home state. Her mother is 10 yrs younger than I and the only thing wrong with her is that she is apparently lazy, obese and didn't teach her daughter any manners, or how to be a mother. She was fired from both jobs that she had. (Sorry, that was mean, but can't help it)
We love our son and we love our granddaughter so much, but I feel hopeless/helpless and don't plan to get involved.
Again, thanks for your support!