Families of SOs Community Group

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chickabee31 04/02/2016

Last week my boyfriend had a hearing that was pushed to this Monday, and his lawyer told him the prosecutor would be making a decision that day by noon (last Monday). He hasn't heard anything, but he is feeling stressed out about the arriving Monday. He also has school to focus on, and this adds stress. In addition to all this, he works this weekend both evenings, all evening. Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can encourage him this weekend?
Thank you!

ThoughtAsWeak 04/02/2016

The only thing you can do is tell him how you feel and where you stand in your relationship regardless of best/worst case senario.

I have to keep telling hubby that I am in this "for richer or poorer, in sickness and heal, in good times and bad, till death do us part." I can tell you, it makes a world of difference for him!

phoenixmummy 04/02/2016

We were in this position a few weeks ago. Hubby and i spent the night before court in a hotel together (a rare treat as he's not been allowed to live with us for over a year now), which could have been his last night of freedom. I told him as clearly and gently as i could that he would survive, and that we would all be waiting for him on his release (Thankfully he received a suspended sentence). For me, it was important to recognise that I couldn't fix it, or make it go away, and that ultimately he *did* do it. Its very difficult to love someone, but accept that they need to be punished and proceed through the justice system without you.

chickabee31 04/03/2016

Thank you for your advice. I don't feel as nervous as I did before. I feel way more confident in him, myself, and our relationship. I started seeing a counselor a few weeks ago, and she offered some tools I could utilize to cope with conversations with others as they find out..that is my biggest fear. What are other people going to think? This is his biggest fear too. We've written letters to the prosecutor, we've been praying, we've been planning and imagining...tomorrow could be the day. Tomorrow may also not be the day...he would like to just get the sentencing and move on.

nsiclkeba 04/03/2016

I had major stress till my husband was sentenced. My husband was lucky and got a light sentence and I did break down at sentencing and still do at times but my husband knows I am hear to stay and I remind him of that everyday. It's hard. Seeing a counselor is good. Things will be tough for a little while but you'll get through it. This is a great group to talk to you. If anything it makes you realize you aren't alone.

chickabee31 04/04/2016

So he got his sentencing: registry, probation, and community service. What things can we expect?
I'm in the process of finding a good counselor, and he has a counselor.

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