Families of SOs Community Group
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My fiance was arrested this time last year for possession of inappropriate images and videos of minors from a sharing site he was using to get adult pictures from. His search words of choice were "found" and "stolen" which he said would get him a lot of homemade pics and videos from computers that were either found by people or the guy behind the counter at the repair shop would rip the pics from their customers computers and post them on the site for uploading. He told me that he left the computer downloading on the search often when he was doing other things so there would be times when it was gathering search result for days at a time. He did not deny knowing that the pictures and videos were showing up periodically but he was just deleting them and sorting what he wanted into a folder. He was caught by the local cyber unit for having an open sharing folder in which they uploaded images and videos on several different occasions from his IP address. He was convicted of two counts of felony possession with intent to distribute (In this case the open sharing folder allowing others to access his content so that he could use the site to download content as well) and one aggravated charge for the video images in his possession which won him lifetime on the registry and six years of community correction after he serves 85% of a three year prison sentence. He left a two year old son and a son he has never met as I was 7 months pregnant at the time. I struggle everyday to understand how this could have happened to us. Worse yet we had been in the process of adopting his five year old daughter at the time and there was already an open cps case so my sons now have a guardian ad litem and a protective order brought by cps that states he cannot have any contact either directly or indirectly with his sons, his daughter, and his minor sister until they are 18 years of age. I wonder daily if I will ever wake up from this nightmare. I ask myself hard questions like what kind of person uses a site like that after they know that those kinds of pictures populate...and if they do how callous do you have to be to ignore that? So even if he wasn't using them for some sick reason what if those had been our kids someone was sorting through? I ask myself what I want to do everyday and the truth is I want to be backl with him and have our family be a family. I do not believe that he did this out of some illness but rather because he thought that he could get what he wanted and not pay the consequences for knowing the other content was there. I want to fight the protective order so that my sons can know their father but I ask myself what if I am wrong? I love my chldren more than life itself and I cannot imagine putting them in harms way simply because I love their father. How do I justify wanting to live together and being a family when he gets out? I often tell people this is similar to the police coming to your house and telling you that your husband is dead.....except there is no good memories that you can take away from a situation like this. You know what the cps worker told me....She said that when my boys currently 2 and nine months ask me about their father it would be easier if I just told them that he is dead cause after all they are so little they won't remember him anyway. Can anyone in a similar situation shed some light on this process for me before I drive myself crazy?
First of all, just want to say welcome here---I know it sounds weird, because this site was created to help people like you & I who never, ever wanted any part of this, but because of stupidity of our loved ones, we now find ourselves in this nightmare--and I am sorry you have to deal with this.
My case is different, but similar--in my case it was my 26 yr.old son, who was charged with 1 count of cp possession.
Also, I know it dosen't sound like a victory, but reading as to what your fiance did, and his prison sentence, you should consider your family lucky. 3yrs of prison? I'm m
making a BIG assumption, but guessing you don't live in the USA? My son was given a 15yr sentence ....
If you do reside in the USA, that sentence he received sounds like a reasonable sentence.
Anyway, like your fiance, my son also used a file-sharing software (Limewire), and because of the nature of that service, this is where the trouble begins ( open or shared file for downloads/uploads).
Also, this is gonna sound harsh, but when I hear that an accused states " oh, i was only using it to mass download pics & videos, AND I didn't know they had child porn on there, and, oh, I deleted it, blah,blah,blah.." No, I think he knew EXACTLY what was on there. But, again, giving him the benfit of the doubt, let's say he didn't know until he started looking at the files he d/loaded. Well, as soon as he saw indeed there was some cp on there, he immediately should of changed his search parameters or stop using that service, but yet..he didn't??? Hmmm.. why not?
As much as you want to say you don't think he did it because of some kind of illness, growing evidence suggest differently. But even if he did it for the thrill and thought he wouldn't get caught, it is a moot point now.
Unfortunately, because of your children and adopting process of the other child ( my son had no children, and had been married about 1.5yrs before this happened), the CPS will be a driving force in all of this.
Obviously for you, you love the guy, and hopefully he feels the same for you. So, now you have to figure yourself a way to support his efforts to become well, serve his sentence and conform to his community obligations, and keep a very,very wary eye on his activities. I think most recently, some court cases have shown that just because he did THIS, dosen't mean he will do something else ( involving your children)--but, no one wants to make that assumption, so now all of the hoops must be jumped through.
There are many here who have been in your shoes, so don't despair. There is hope for your family.
For someone to tell you just tell the kids he is dead, needs to take a gun to themselves--they have no business giving advice or opinions on this matter. So, you lie to your children now--what happens in 10-15yrs when the find out the truth?? How does that EXACTLY help them? Don't do it!! I know they are young now, but as time goes on, you can reveal the whole truth in terms they can understand.
Follow your gut, and ask questions here---you will get the truth, unvarnished sometimes, yet still the truth from people here.
Good luck....and stay stay strong...we are here for you & your family--including your fiance.
I don't know how many of you realize how electronic our lives have become. Personally I believe the most dangerous thing you can carry with you is your smartphone. The cell towers never turn off your GPS, even if you do it directly on your phone, that GPS is still active, it just isn't being used by any of the applications on your phone.
Every digital thing you do is being recorded in some way shape or form, if you don't think the technology is good enough to do that, the government is about 3-4 generations ahead of the consumer/business market when it comes to technology. My uncle, in the 80's went to a near by military junk yard and pulled out a 486 processor. At that point in time the most advanced consumer PC was the Comodore 64. The 486 processor didn't come out to the public until the mid-90's, almost 10 years later. Imagine with what we have now, what we use on a daily basis and then think about what 10 years advancement would do to that tech. It is scary.... very very scary....
on a more personal note to seareth, dont be so harsh on your fiancée. my son spent a year in county coming to terms with how he let his morals degenerate to the point it got him where he is. he didnt blame it on anything or anyone but himself. though once he got away from the computer he started to realize the effect it had on his lack of apathy, and how it had helped desensitized him to others suffering.
another aspect is what Troy Stabenow has stated in his journal about the three a's availability, affordability and anonymity (though we know better),, all of which the internet provides. i would add that it is also the lack of public awareness about the severity of this crime as well. i can not tell you how many people were shocked when i told them my son was looking at 5-20 some where downright outraged that they would put him away for that long.
and yes, file sharing is the prosecutor's dream. most of the enhancements are bogus and does not portray the true activity of the user, while someone who is aggressively activite knows how to avoid them, they can often go undetected or gets a very low guideline for bypassing the enhancement traps.
for those of you who are fighting federal cases in court, i highly recommend you read this document. it is still the most up to date report (dec 2011) on child pornography laws i have come across, and a good place to start learning about them. i think it is close to 22 pages, cant remember.
A Method for Careful Study: A Proposal for Reforming the Child Pornography Guidelines
Troy K. Stabenow
http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1996664
Stay strong and good luck with cps. That person that said to tell your kids that their dad was dead - Don't Do That! You will find a way to deal with this situation. Your fiance is only going to be done 2.55 years. If you love your fiance you will find a way to make this all work out.