Families of SOs Community Group
WE HAVE MOVED!!! ............................. ............................... ......................... ............................ ............................. .......................... HERE: http://support-for-families.boards.net ............. ................ ............... ................ ............................... .................Please create a profile...
Took a step back for a little while the past couple months, but I try to follow some of the conversations. Lots going these days. Finally have a date for sentencing in a few months and recently had the federal plea hearing. The news did not go well with the town, however considering his story hit TV, newspapers, and the internet, it wasn't anything new. The only "new" part is that he has now plead guilty in federal court. Which, there was no other obvious way this was going, so again should not be shocking.
What I wish people understood is that he is a son, a brother, a friend, a co-worker. He once was a little boy with big dreams and aspirations. Unfortunately, he made some choices that were not the best, and no one can tell you why. He is deeply sorry for what he has done and wants to make a change in his life. But that may have to wait 15-20 years. And will not happen easily.
In the mean time, we get to hear and see all the horrific things people wish to see happen to him. For one second, I wish people would just STOP and look at their families. Their sons, fathers, husbands, boyfriends... Look at them...hard...and ask themselves if this was their loved one, how would they deal with this? All of it. The anger, hatred, rude comments, judgement, loss of friends/family ....
Could they handle hearing things about what their loved one did, that people want them castrated, killed, tortured. Could they sleep at night? Do they think that as days pass it just gets "easier"? Those things people say/said, the way people feel towards anyone with the label "sex offender", all of it you cannot change. I do believe in time laws may get better. In time, people may be able to come to sort of peace with the justice system handling things (and I will not say how well). Maybe in time, the registry will stop showing the addresses of the offenders and their families. Lots of maybe's....
I don't understand how/why those that make these laws, that are supposed to protect EVERYONE, fail to see how it actually keeps innocent children, wives, girlfriends and the like safe. It keeps no one safe!!! It's not right. None of it.
We are trying our best to make every day matter, make every day a little better than the day before. But it is hard knowing that the person you raised, grew up with, became the best of friends with... is now in federal prison and might as well be marked as the worlds most hated man. No one understands how soul crushing that is. No one. (except most of you on DS)
What I wish people understood is that he is a son, a brother, a friend, a co-worker. He once was a little boy with big dreams and aspirations. Unfortunately, he made some choices that were not the best, and no one can tell you why. He is deeply sorry for what he has done and wants to make a change in his life. But that may have to wait 15-20 years. And will not happen easily.
In the mean time, we get to hear and see all the horrific things people wish to see happen to him. For one second, I wish people would just STOP and look at their families. Their sons, fathers, husbands, boyfriends... Look at them...hard...and ask themselves if this was their loved one, how would they deal with this? All of it. The anger, hatred, rude comments, judgement, loss of friends/family ....
Could they handle hearing things about what their loved one did, that people want them castrated, killed, tortured. Could they sleep at night? Do they think that as days pass it just gets "easier"? Those things people say/said, the way people feel towards anyone with the label "sex offender", all of it you cannot change. I do believe in time laws may get better. In time, people may be able to come to sort of peace with the justice system handling things (and I will not say how well). Maybe in time, the registry will stop showing the addresses of the offenders and their families. Lots of maybe's....
I don't understand how/why those that make these laws, that are supposed to protect EVERYONE, fail to see how it actually keeps innocent children, wives, girlfriends and the like safe. It keeps no one safe!!! It's not right. None of it.
We are trying our best to make every day matter, make every day a little better than the day before. But it is hard knowing that the person you raised, grew up with, became the best of friends with... is now in federal prison and might as well be marked as the worlds most hated man. No one understands how soul crushing that is. No one. (except most of you on DS)
Poet's PagePoemsCommentsStatsShare on FacebookShare on Twitter
Poems by Rama Muthukrishnan : 10 / 16 « prev. poem next poem »
Pray Don'T Find Fault - Poem by Rama Muthukrishnan
Pray don't find fault with the man who limps
or stumbles along the road,
unless you have worn the shoes he wears
or struggled beneath his load.
There may be tacks in his shoes that hurt,
though hidden away from view,
or the burden he bears, placed on your back
might cause you to stumble too.
Don't sneer at the man who's down today
unless you have felt the blow
that caused his fall or felt the shame
that only the fallen know.
You may be strong, but still the blows
that were his if dealt to you,
in the selfsame way, at the selfsame time,
might cause you to stagger too.
Don't be too harsh with the man who sins
or pelt him with word or stone,
unless you are sure, yea, doubly sure,
that you have no sins of your own
for you know perhaps if the tempter's voice
should whisper as softly to you
as it did to him when he went astray,
it might cause you to stumble too.
Thanks for you post
I hate that you have to deal with this. People don't understand but I doubt there be so quick to judge if it as on their doorstep! As they say those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I've found its always those with secrets that cause the most aggravation.
Thank you SallyBlue. The media is not anyone's friend, ever. A week prior to his plea hearing, a well known newspaper posted an article with half truths which just annoyed me and got people stirring. However, a week later and more of the local papers picked up the plea hearing info, with slightly more accurate information. But still causing a small firestorm. And for what? Everything is out there. Nothing changed. No trial, plead guilty, and waived his right to practically everything. Move along people, move along.
And this is what I mean about the registry listing addresses. Not only is it putting the RSO at risk of being harassed or worse, but it makes new victims by harassing the wives/GF, children, and other family members. With the amount of RSO's constantly on the rise, how long before each of us are impacted by this epidemic? And yes, it is an epidemic.
When news first hit and we had to tell other immediate family, one of us already has a friend who is an RSO. Came as a shock to me. I think within the next 10-20 years, the number of RSO's will triple. And then what? How many laws will be written or re-written to appease those in LE or politics? And we won't even talk about the upcoming presidential elections. What a joke. My dog could do a better job than the ass hats that are running. But I digress.
I'm so sorry that you are having to go down this road. Just know that you have understanding and support from this group.
This road is not easy and although we have a few friends/family that have stuck by I know they don't want to hear about all that goes on. It's hard to deal with sometimes. As far as media, we live in the home that has been all over the news. I look at that as a blessing and a curse. We have installed security cameras but, I still have my fears.
I am so sorry Feeling GuiltyMom for all you and your loved ones have been through. We keep hoping once he is sentenced, maybe the shock and awe of our home will calm down. It actually was going along fairly well this last month. Actually quiet. But the recent guilty plea in the news has us almost back to square one. However, slowly I think people are realizing he is still in custody. We just want our normal back. I know that is impossible, but something close to it would be very welcomed.
Thankfully there is DS for those days I just need to know I'm not alone in my thoughts or feelings. Thank you all again so very much. Be strong, be safe. God bless.