Effie... I commend you! Standing by your man it's the most support he could ever ask for! It's during a time of persecution that you find out who your real friends are. Most of my lifelong friends have just stopped responding to emails or phone calls. I don't press the issue knowing that they are probably uncomfortable and don't know what they want to do.. I've been lucking having the resources to totally relocate my life 1,000 miles away from where I was charged and am able to retire on my own resources. I know many do not have this ability and are homeless and on the street.

It seems every day I see more and more articles about taking away more capabilities from RSOLs denying them the ability to obtain honest work to support themselves. Society shuns them doing everything they can to driving them underground thinking that everyone of them is waiting on a street corner looking for a child to attack. This couldn't be further from the truth. Any other convicted citizen of crime other than a sex crime has a path to redemption but not RSOLs. It seems everyday we see another news article denouncing a path to self sustenance being denied. If the job allows a single glance of a child during the course of the day then that job is taboo! Blasphemy!

Somehow this must be deemed cruel and unusual punishment! No other crime has this stigma. A repeat drunk driver is many times more likely to re-offend and kill someone yet do we prevent them from reentering bars or liquor stores? Nope! Convicted drug dealers will return to the street selling again the same drugs they were arrested for. Do we paste their picture on a website? Of course not. It'd hurt thier business!

EffieSteffie, good for you for making your decision. Only you could have made it and none of us here would have condemned you for making it either for or against staying with your man, because none of us really know all the circumstances involved. You have our admiration and our support going forward. Keep coming here and inspiring us all with your insights.

I hope someday my son finds a woman that loves him as much as you obviously love yours! :-)

I want to bridge the gap. Let's talk about the taboo subject of loving someone with their face on a registry. No one should be marred forever. Show then how to love and be loved.

And show others that your past mistakes should never dictate who you are today. We have the liberty of moving on... So should they.

I applaud you EffieSteffie, and I agree with Advovate2.

Amen! I'm standing by my husband no matter what. We've had 17 years together and 3 children. People are cruel. I've lost family members and people I thought were really good friends but I have moved on. My brother has chosen to not speak to me or my children because of what my husband had done. Even after everything we have done for him. When he was having hard times we were the ones to help him but once what my husband did got out he was cruel to not only my husband to to me too (even to my mother to a small extent). But, like you said, you have to weigh the good with the bad. My husband was lucky enough to be able to retire from his job. Unfortunately it wasn't full retirement and wet can't live off that money so after being a stay at home mom for the past 14 years I'm getting employment training so I can get a good job so we can try to move on when he comes home. I know I've become bitter towards people since this all came out, but I know that God brought my husband and I together and leaving him is not an option. I love him too much and our bond is too strong.

Good for you for standing by him. These people who are stuck on the registry need a stronger person standing behind them to help them be able to hold their heads up. Most of them aren't monsters, just loving husbands, sons, and brothers (or the female equivalent) who made bad decisions at one time.

My other 2 sons have stood by me along with their wives, but the still refuse to write to their youngest brother. As for friends, never had very many to begin with, so losing any of them, not that big a deal. As far as the rest of my family, I guess there is one good thing about not having them in my life in the last 20 years.
I will never turn my back on my son no matter what. I pray that if he lives long enough to get released that he meets someone like the women on this board. I applaud all of you for standing by your husband/boyfriend/wife/ significant other/ son/daughter/father/brother/ sister/friend.

The love of a good woman heals many wounds. You are truly a blessing effiesteffie in your man' life.

Effie,

I completely understand! I chose to stand by my man through this whole thing. It is a decision I have not regretted but I have definitely lost friends along the way - even had one of them say "if you're going to stay with him, then I can't be your friend anymore"! That was an easy decision - don't really need a bunch of fair weather friends to weigh me down!

My guy is still in prison so he has not had the added stress of living under the registry yet. Part of my decision to join this board as well as a local support group was to educate myself so that we could plan ahead and so I would know what to expect when the time comes for him to be released. There are some days that I am encouraged by the posts on this board and other days that I can become discouraged in seeing the difficulties that families go through with someone on the registry. Regardless, I am committed to my decision to stand by my boyfriend through all of this.

Just like you, we had some mutual friends that we spent time with in the weeks and months leading up to the trial. They knew what was going on and they are now my new friends that are there for me when I start to feel down. They, along with the people that I have met on this board, are the ones that get me through difficult days or times when I am afraid for the future.

Anyway, I am there with you! I know what it is like to love someone and make a conscious decision to stand by them. I also understand when your friend asks you if you are sure - especially worrying about whether or not you will lose family members. My boyfriend asks me all the time if I am worried about my children (who are adults) or my grandchildren. He worries that my choice to stay with him will affect my life with them. I have told him that I have been honest with them. They know where he is and the know the charges against him. Right now they are supportive of my decision to stay with him. Will they stand by me in the future when he is released and we make plans for our life together? I don't know that right now. I hope that they will respect who they know me to be and respect my decision and support me. All I know right now is that I am building friendships with people who know my situation and accept me anyway. They will be the people that I can rely on and who will remain our friends when he gets out.

Hang in there! It won't always be easy but know that you have friends here when you have bad days.
Iris

We all applaud you! I also chose to stand by my man and have lost many family and so called friends but I do not care. Ultimately the decision is yours and I am glad to hear that you made it on your own and was not pressured into something you would regret later on. My husband is also still incarcerated so we have not dealt with the registry yet but I chose to support him through the accusation,sentence, and I will stand by him when he comes home and starts on the registry! and congratulations to you too.