Families of SOs Community Group
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I am new and really feel the need to share my story. I will try to make this as brief as possible. I am a mother of 8 and back in 2004 my youngest son who was 19 at the time was convicted of 2nd degree sexual assault and sentenced to 6 and 1/2 yrs. in and 7 and 1/2 on parole. He was released in 2010. He was trying to move on with his life. He attended all group meetings for sex offenders and visited his PO every week. He became a christian at the age of 6 and got his certificates for ministry while he was locked up. He and his fiance just lost a baby 3 months ago. He just got hired on by a company he had been working for through an agency and was attending church regularly. My daughter called me 3 weeks ago and said she hit her 5 yr. old on her butt and she went to the bathroom and started bleeding and she did not know where the bleeding was coming from. I immediately took them to the emergency room and we found out she had vaginal warts and now the state is involved. All of her 6 kids were taken and they were with me for 3 wks. The 3 oldest girls ages 12,11,10 were diagnosed with Chlamydia so we know they have been sexually active....so my daughter asked her oldest and she said she has had some type of sex with her uncle (my son} and when CPS brought them down for an interview the oldest grand told her story and the next day when they got the results from the other two they had it too. Them the 2nd oldest told a story too and the youngest of them all has not said anything. My son went into hiding and he turned himself in a week ago. He has not been charged yet but they are building their case. This family is so torn! We are so divided and we have never been before. I tell all of my kids mt husband and I will not pick sides but we will be there to support the family. He has 3 children and one of them we have been taking care of since he was 4 because his mom has an abusive man an he poured hot water on his groin. He is 12 now and how do i tell him that his dad has abused his cousins? As far as the little one having the warts she has always stuck with the story that these boys followed her to the bathroom in school and assaulted her and that is where the state says it was peer to peer but they have not investigated those boys. We are just sick with this whole situation...we are so torn.
This is typically how things go. I hope and pray that your family does not follow the usual path and chooses peace instead. While having an angry response is understandable, the spite and hatefulness that follows these kinds of events probably causes 50% of the damage, especially to the kids!
For your grandkid's sakes, and for yours, I hope the adults involved can choose a higher path.
Best wishes to you and I am so glad you found us!
Your son is your son - you are capable of loving him but not condoning what he did, as others have said. With that being said, while he's in prison (which, from what I understand, it seems he will be) that's going to be accessible. You can visit him, write him, and support him while he's away without hurting the rest of your family. That's none of their business. But, in doing so, I would recommend making it clear to him AND the family members that have been hurt that you DO NOT condone what he did, but you are supporting him as your son. If they take issue with you supporting him, then they're not seeing your side of things as a mother, and that can't be your problem.
With all of this being said, expect some backlash. Some families demand that lines be drawn and sides be taken, and I hope for your sake that this is not the case. Some people interpret support as condoning of the behavior, so like I said before, I highly recommend that you make it clear you're not condoning anything. Make your feelings known, and stand your ground if you feel that this is right. Anger is going to be the main thing you're dealing with in a situation like this, just stay calm and stand your ground.
I hope you and your family can find some form of peace and solace in one another. This is such a difficult situation, you guys really need one another to stand strong and united.
it will probably be impossible to maintain peace in the family for now. but i hope with all my heart that peace can prevail when it is rebuilt.
Several things came to mind - first, has your son been tested for Chlamydia? He probably does have it becasue from what I read last night a large portion of the population does. Which brings me to the second point - I understand that the girls have indicated your son but the one girl does not so the dismiss that one - seems weird to me. Here is the thing - the presence of Chlamydia alone does not indict your son becasue I would be willing to bet if the rest of the adults in the family got tested they would probably have it too. I know you say that your son is hiding out but again to me that is not an indicator of guilt either - if I were an offender and knew that these children had pointed the finger at me I would hide out also - the outcome is clear - just the girls word is enough to convict him all over again. Re-offending not unheard of but it is very rare. One thing that comes to my mind is that if another adult int he family was abusing the children that person would have a perfect scapegoat in your son and that person would know that just one accusation is enough. We know that many times abusers will groom these kids and part of that could have been coaching to name your son or else ... fill in the blank ... will happen.
What I also learned about Chlamydia last night is that is is one of those illnesses that they know a lot about the virus and that it is contagious and that it is highly curable - becasue it is curable not a lot has been done to further study the actual transmission methods - of course they know that sexual activity is a certain way - but they also know that a pregnant mother can pass the virus to the infant. They also know that it is the exact same virus as conjunctivitis (pink eye) and that if an infected person touches their eyes after touching the Chlamydia infected areas they will contract pink eye. My question is if it can be passed one way why not the other?
Personally I think it is highly unusual that your son would abuse ALL the children - especially in one family. Unfortunately I do not think that these things can keep your son from being convicted given the sex offender fervor in our country but I do think it raises some questions. The absolute best scenario would be for your son to be tested and be Chlamydia free but becasue it is curable they will just say he got cured. Understand this though - suppose he does not have it and they try to say he was cured - then they cure the girls and the girls end up with it again - that would exonerate him.
I don;t know if he is the abuser or if there even is one - but I just think there is something strange about it.
The normal rules of talking to the police of course apply here, DON'T. Get a lawyer for your son to make sure his rights are being represented. But I think the circumstancally your son's goose is cooked. If you believe your son is innocent I definitely wouldn't mention that to your daughter and her family that is a way to make people take sides.
As Advocate said, if he is innocent, have him tested and allow his doctor to release any medical records to show he wasn't cured of chlamydia during the timeline of when the alleged abuse occurred. This can be useful to prove reasonable doubt.
Now if he is actually guilty, I pray he gets treatment while on prison. From your earlier post, I dont see anything indicating he was in treatment.
there is the fact that the kids could have caught it from one another easily enough by playing doctor or sexual experimenting. but they may be to afraid to say that.....
my heart breaks for you and your son dsoltau....