Families of SOs Community Group
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I've been searching for some place to try and understand what is happening to my family and I and I think this may be a good place to start.
I'm married, mom to 2 beautiful children. My daughter is 3.5 and my son will be 1 next week. When my son was 10 days old, I checked a message on our answering machine that had been blinking for a while. He was born a month early right before Christmas last year and spent a few days in the NICU. He came home on Christmas day! My parents were in town and some other extended family so checking messages was not on the top of my list. It was the local police department who had called on December 23, wanting to speak to my husband. 6 days later is when I checked, December 29. He went down and was gone about an hour and a half. He called me and I joked that I was glad he was calling from his cell and not a different number. Thats when he told me why the police wanted to speak to him.
He had met a woman (he thought) on an online dating site, met with her, there was some sexual activity (not intercourse). She turned out to be 13. He had been messaging who he thought was a 26 year old and when she told him right before he got to her house that she was 13, he evidently didn't believe her.
It took from January of this past year, when he first went to court till November 20 when he was sentenced to be complete. I had said that we needed to look at the legal part before we dealt with us as a couple. He stayed in the house. He ended up losing his job due to this when it hit the papers. It was a great time to be on maternity leave as I didn't have to face any coworkers until May. He stayed home with the kids when I went back to work for the rest of the school year (I'm a teacher). we had a great summer and did a lot of fun things. I went back to work in August and he stayed home with them.
He agreed to a plea deal in August and sentencing was right before Thanksgiving. He was sentenced to 2-5 years in state prison, plus 25 years on the registry. They took him right there in the court room. I expected him to do some time. maybe a few months, 6 or so. NOT 2-5.
Luckily my son is young enough not to know better. My daughter knows that daddy isn't around and she has started to ask why.
I love my husband very much. I know in my heart that he is not a bad person. He is not a predator. He is not a threat. He was not seeking this out. He is a dumb man who made a stupid mistake, had a lapse in judgement. Unfortunately this lapse may cost him everything.
I'm still in the processing stage.. but things are becoming bit more clear. He does not deserve to be in prison or on the list, but he is. He will do what he needs to do inside to come out as soon as possible and a better person. I'm just not sure what he will be coming out to. How can a family remain normal under these stipulations? He has a half sibling who is in middle school. She has the same last name as us. They have never lived in the same house. He was 20 when she was born. some of her friends parents don't want their kids at their house (a home my husband has never lived in). They don't want her to be around their kids. If that is what is happening to her, what could happen to my 2 babies?
I'm sad for us all. I love him dearly but I am also so incredibly mad that he could have such a lapse in judgement that this has destroyed our family as we know it. I'm mad that I am now here with 2 little ones, by myself. While working full time. I can't afford to put them each in daycare full time. Thank goodness for my grandma who has generously offered to cover most of that. I have some good friends who are stepping up.
I'm just walking in a world where i don't know the language and the future is so uncertain and so scary.
I'm married, mom to 2 beautiful children. My daughter is 3.5 and my son will be 1 next week. When my son was 10 days old, I checked a message on our answering machine that had been blinking for a while. He was born a month early right before Christmas last year and spent a few days in the NICU. He came home on Christmas day! My parents were in town and some other extended family so checking messages was not on the top of my list. It was the local police department who had called on December 23, wanting to speak to my husband. 6 days later is when I checked, December 29. He went down and was gone about an hour and a half. He called me and I joked that I was glad he was calling from his cell and not a different number. Thats when he told me why the police wanted to speak to him.
He had met a woman (he thought) on an online dating site, met with her, there was some sexual activity (not intercourse). She turned out to be 13. He had been messaging who he thought was a 26 year old and when she told him right before he got to her house that she was 13, he evidently didn't believe her.
It took from January of this past year, when he first went to court till November 20 when he was sentenced to be complete. I had said that we needed to look at the legal part before we dealt with us as a couple. He stayed in the house. He ended up losing his job due to this when it hit the papers. It was a great time to be on maternity leave as I didn't have to face any coworkers until May. He stayed home with the kids when I went back to work for the rest of the school year (I'm a teacher). we had a great summer and did a lot of fun things. I went back to work in August and he stayed home with them.
He agreed to a plea deal in August and sentencing was right before Thanksgiving. He was sentenced to 2-5 years in state prison, plus 25 years on the registry. They took him right there in the court room. I expected him to do some time. maybe a few months, 6 or so. NOT 2-5.
Luckily my son is young enough not to know better. My daughter knows that daddy isn't around and she has started to ask why.
I love my husband very much. I know in my heart that he is not a bad person. He is not a predator. He is not a threat. He was not seeking this out. He is a dumb man who made a stupid mistake, had a lapse in judgement. Unfortunately this lapse may cost him everything.
I'm still in the processing stage.. but things are becoming bit more clear. He does not deserve to be in prison or on the list, but he is. He will do what he needs to do inside to come out as soon as possible and a better person. I'm just not sure what he will be coming out to. How can a family remain normal under these stipulations? He has a half sibling who is in middle school. She has the same last name as us. They have never lived in the same house. He was 20 when she was born. some of her friends parents don't want their kids at their house (a home my husband has never lived in). They don't want her to be around their kids. If that is what is happening to her, what could happen to my 2 babies?
I'm sad for us all. I love him dearly but I am also so incredibly mad that he could have such a lapse in judgement that this has destroyed our family as we know it. I'm mad that I am now here with 2 little ones, by myself. While working full time. I can't afford to put them each in daycare full time. Thank goodness for my grandma who has generously offered to cover most of that. I have some good friends who are stepping up.
I'm just walking in a world where i don't know the language and the future is so uncertain and so scary.
I am going that by the time your children start going to school, we have made a lot of changes so they won't have that adverse effect.
I've found great comfort on this site. Knowing I am not alone is such a help.