Families of SOs Community Group

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raye26 04/02/2014

Hello, my name is Rachel, and my husband actually came across this group last night. I read through a lot of your posts and I can't express how nice it is to actually have people I can relate to. So many people try to act like they understand our situation, yet they really have NO idea. Not unless you're in the same position. With that being said, here is my story!

My husband is a sex offender. He was convicted in 2008 and was in prison until December of 2011. I did know him prior to all of this, yet during the time he was in prison, we didn't speak. Not until he was released did we reconnect again. I wrote him a letter in December of 2011 and gave him my contact information, and if he wanted to reach me, he was more than welcome. A few weeks later, I got his phone call, and we talked on the phone everyday until April 4th of 2012. That was the day I moved to Florida to be with him. We got married April 29th, 2012. We have three children, two boys, who are his from a past marriage, and our daughter was born in February of 2013. We now live outside of Tampa, Florida.

Now, obviously, it hasn't always been a 'fairy tale', as he does have to be on probation for 10 years. I am sure most of you know the restrictions that men/women, like my husband, have to live by. It has been extremely difficult at certain times in our lives, others not so bad. We struggled to find a home, but by the Grace of God, He always provides. God is our #1. We know if we put Him first in everything we do, that everything will be okay. Our marriage is so much stronger when we both keep the Lord in front of everything and trust in Him.

I would love to share all kinds of stories about our struggles, and the things we have overcome, simply to encourage you, and to give you hope. That if you trust in God, He will never let you down. He gives you struggles to strengthen you. I am so excited to be able to talk with others that go through what my husband and myself go through. Possibly offer any help I could. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I hope to hear from some of you, get to know you guys, and share our stories. :)

CantWait2015 04/02/2014

So happy to see a positive story. My guy gets out in march of 2015 and will have to register for 10 yrs. we have A 6 yr old little boy. We are not married but have been together for 11 yrs (off and on) since I was 13. I'm terrified of what it is going to be like and how it is going to affect out son (being on parole and registering) but I have faith that he and I together will be able to get through it all.

raye26 04/02/2014

Thank you for the sweet reply. March of 2015 is right around the corner. Although I am not sure how different parole is compared to probation, keep your head up! It will be tough, and challenging. Some days you will ask yourself, why do I put myself though this? I don't have to. But at the end of the day, you are still there. Because you love him, and also for your son. One thing I will say, always be honest with your son. Don't beat around the bush. The older he gets, the more he will respect that of you and his father. My step-sons, (13 & about to be 11), both know my husband's situation. They know what he did, and why it happened. They know certain restrictions that he has to live by, not that they understand it completely, but they are aware. We have had other children that lived on our street at our old house, that said they didn't want to play with our boys because their dad is a bad man. I think it affected me more than it did them. They are boys, they aren't interested in the details as much as they are interested in the RIGHT NOW. They just want their dad to be there now, to play ball outside, hang out and talk, etc. That is what they focus on. So, with writing you a novel, lol...smile, cherish everyday, and know that everything will work out just as it is supposed to. You are a strong woman & I am sure a wonderful mother. Keep talking about your feelings, and let them out. One thing I struggle with is bottling it all up, and then blowing up, usually at the wrong time. It is healthy to vent! I love talking about our situation, and I love encouraging people, anytime you need a chat, or someone to talk to, message me! Heck, I'll even give you my number if you need it! Stay positive! :)

ThoughtAsWeak 04/02/2014

Welcome to the group. Glad you found us, and yes The Lord has been helping me through this nightmare one day at a time.

CantWait2015 04/02/2014

Thanks I will have to message you when I'm on a computer but thanks so much for the encouragement so glad you are here.

raye26 04/02/2014

Thank you both so very much. You have really made my day! Prayers for you both, always.

deleted_user 04/02/2014

As I am beginning my new journey with an RSO, your story gives me much hope. I am coming into this with 3 kids of my own and he has none. He spent 8 years on probation, but has managed to hold down a good job and has a nice place to live, I do worry about what it'll be like as we continue to intermingle our lives. I think about who all will be alienated if they google his name. It took my mom 5 minutes to text me to ask if I knew "what he'd done," after she asked his name. (While her husband has a felony charge for having a gun on school property, mind you...funny how easily we can be hypocrites.)

I'm getting off course, lol...I just wanted to thank you for sharing and I look forward to your stories as I will be on a similar path soon.

LillyMom 04/02/2014

Welcome to our community!

raye26 04/02/2014

abrown83, thank you for sharing with me. One thing I tell myself is to stop worrying about what other people think. Everyone has a past, just not everyone's is exposed like our guys are. A lot of people instantly see a sex offender as a terrible, dirty, nasty person, who should be treated like such. You really just have to brush them off, you wouldn't want those people in your life anyway. My father acted very similar to your mom. He was really judgemental and confused as to why I'd be with someone like that. And my dad has been to jail multiple times for different things! I can totally relate to that. You just have to ignore it sometimes. You have a family, and are starting a new journey, that is what you focus on. That is most important! :)

Thank you, LillyMom! :)

deleted_user 04/02/2014

Thank you Raye26 for your positive words and encouragement to all. My son, has been out on parole for just about 3 months. I find our faith in God very challenging at times, but He does stand by our side daily. It has been rough 3 months on this momma because I tend to take everything to heart. I keep telling myself and my son that we have made it this far and that God is not done with him yet. He is on this earth for a purpose and only God knows what that is. We have to trust in His power and timing, and have the patience to listen to his every word and sign. So far, the hardest part has been the Parole Officers. They get a gun and a badge and then think that they are judge, jury, and god all rolled into one. Yes, this site has helped me by just knowing there are others out there with our same problems and worries. I am thankful for the people that God has brought to us through this, and I am learning to be a duck and let things roll off of my back. It is just hard at times.
I wish you the best on your journey. We don't live in the same state as you, but I am sure we can share some stories and lean on each other for encouragement and understanding.

raye26 04/02/2014

BHM2, thank you for responding to my post. My faith, as well as my husbands, is challenged everyday. We struggle, we ask God 'why?'. But we know that God is sovereign and everything He does is not flawed. I completely 100% believe that God is not done with your son. He is a good image for others in his situation. His struggles and his past is his testimony that can be shared with others to give them hope and insight. That is what myself and my husband love to do. He loves to minister to others about his past, he is not ashamed. I have also taken up a love for helping others during dark times in their lives. Thank you for sharing with me. Message me anytime if you ever need an ear :)

mtbfan 04/02/2014

Raye. Thanks for the positive and encouraging words. I do believe that we can make it through all this, and seeing someone who did in one of the worst state for SOs, that is very inspiring. We don'd have any kids, and my fiancés charges had nothing to do with minors, but still, we see how hard it will be to make it through probation. It is good to see that it is possible. I actually ordered a book online called "Making it through Probation". That will be the scariest part of this whole ordeal. The constant fear of being violated. Thanks for posting. It meant a lot to me.

worriedmompa 04/03/2014

Thank you, my son is still waiting to be sentence, we have a good attorney and live in PA. He is so worried about coming home and starting over more than what his sentence is going to be. Your story has given giving me hope that people who knew him before his arrest will give him another chance.

raye26 04/03/2014

Mtbfan, it is absolutely possible that you can have a normal life. I feared it also when I moved to be with my husband. But really, if he doesn't do anything wrong, there is nothing to fear. If he follows the rules of his probation, there will be nothing to be afraid of. My husband feared being violated, I'm sure he still does from time to time, but he doesn't let that run his life. Don't let probation run yours or your fiancé's life. If your fiancé truly want to better himself, and do well there shouldn't be a problem. I don't know where you're located, but in the state of Florida, SO's have to wear electronic monitoring. Which consists of an ankle bracelet and a monitor he has to keep on him at all times. There have been times where he forgot his 'box' as we call it. And even then wasn't violated. Once you get used to life with probation, it won't be as scary as you expect it to be. Reading books is an excellent way to prepare yourself also!

Worriedmompa, you're so welcome! Starting over is a challenge. But it's like a fresh start! No clutter, nothing to get in the way of starting a new, better life! Remind him that no one got to where they are in one day. It takes time to build your life. There is a chance for him to live just as normal of a life as anyone else. There ARE people out there that will hire people with backgrounds. And yes, if people are still there for him after all of it, they are true friends. He should definitely keep them around! :)

mtbfan 04/03/2014

Raye. Thank you so much for your response. You are a godsend for this site. I worry all the time of what is to come and can't seem to shake this numb feeling. We are in CA, and yes, my fiance was told by his PO he would have to wear the ankle bracelet. We are hoping that after he gets out of jail, he might not have to be put back on. He started his probation before he had to self surrender, so he got a little taste of the GPS ankle bracelet, and he hates it. The reason being is that we are both avid mountainbikers, and he is embarrassed if people saw him wearing it. You can't mountainbike in long pants. We are contemplating about challenging this stipulation since it was never court ordered, and the probation rules do not mention it either. It was just a verbal thing from the PO. Our attorney suggested to talk to the PO first since he might take it the wrong way if we went behind his back, and I agree. My fiance's offense did not involve any minors, and our attorney was surprised that he was put on it, thinking it might just be until he self-surrenders. We'll see. Does your husband have to charge the GPS twice a day, too? We even bought a car charger, just to make sure it will never run out of battery. Just the little things. You guys look like such a nice couple. What affects you or your husband the most? Does he enjoy sports, or other things still, having to wear the ankle bracelet? I think that is our biggest concern for some reason. Thanks for all your support here. It is really appreciated.

raye26 04/03/2014

I would definitely challenge the stipulation if it isn't in his orders. I know everyone's situation is different, especially depending on the dates of their offense. My husband is court ordered to wear it, but he deals with it. He enjoys biking also, he actually wraps his bracelet so that he doesn't hit it or break it. My husband HATES wearing long pants, and he decides to wear them while working, simply so people don't ask questions. He doesn't have to charge it at all throughout the day. He just plugs it in while at home. I wonder why that's different? Thank you so much for the sweet compliment. We are just normal, hardworking people. We mind our own business and live day to day just like anyone else. I think the biggest thing that affects my husband is the restrictions about leaving the state. He enjoys traveling and going to new places and he can't just yet. Also he has never been up north where all of my family is from. So he does struggle with that. I think that is a big problem for myself also. Not being able to take family trips to the zoo, amusement parks, etc. His biggest leave with the ankle bracelet is having to wear pants while working. Living in Florida, pants is no fun! But he tries to not let it irritate him. He works around it. We take it day by day, and thank you for responding, and sharing with me :)

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