Families of SOs Community Group
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Friends.....I'm in Arkansas. My husband of almost 11 years was charged 2 years ago with viewing, possessing, and distribution of child porn. It's a C felony. This is his first offense. He's got no prior felony charges or offenses. Further, he's never touched, assaulted, or molested a child. He plans on entering a guilty plea once that time comes. We've heard that the prosecution wants him sentenced to 10 years in prison for this charge. 2 years ago he started getting counseling and treatment to address the root causes of why he committed this crime and to keep from reoffending. We have the counselor's reports submitted to the prosecution. This man is highly remorseful and he makes it up to me each and every day. Yes, I have decided to stay by his side, remain married, and soon I'll be a spouse of a sex offender. My husband has also continued to work in his job. All of our friends, colleagues, co workers and even his boss believes that he shouldn't have to serve 10 years. This entire process and the politicization of our justice system to only benefit those with money and power has made me bitter to the point that I am now throwing up my hands and giving up on voting. And, here's the kicker-the Feds won't charge my husband-that says something, doesn't it? Now, the state is embarrassed and they want to throw him under the bus. I don't fear having to stand on my own two feet; what I fear is that my husband will be harassed, that he'll face the threat of rape, or worse. I hope that this group will be a source of support.
There will be days when I'll be needing this space to rant, vent, and cry. Is that okay? OH, and here's another kicker: The Attorney that he hired two years ago got hired by the same prosecuting attorney that is charging my husband, all before there was a resolution. So, now he's at the mercy of the public defender's office, which is a joke because they don't want to "ROCK THE BOAT" with the system and they'll take the path of least resistance. 4K down the drain. Fortunately I have family, church, violin, friends, and this site where I can commiserate with like minded individuals who are going through the same crap I am.
Thank you.
There will be days when I'll be needing this space to rant, vent, and cry. Is that okay? OH, and here's another kicker: The Attorney that he hired two years ago got hired by the same prosecuting attorney that is charging my husband, all before there was a resolution. So, now he's at the mercy of the public defender's office, which is a joke because they don't want to "ROCK THE BOAT" with the system and they'll take the path of least resistance. 4K down the drain. Fortunately I have family, church, violin, friends, and this site where I can commiserate with like minded individuals who are going through the same crap I am.
Thank you.
Sal
I'm glad u have family and friends that are standing by your side. Hugs!
If it's any comfort, both of them tell me they feel relatively safe from assault by other prisoners. They're both in their 40s, which is good, because the targets for prison rape tend to be young, shy, timid guys. Both sons tell me there are plenty of other SOs in their facilities, so that also increases the safety level. The Colorado prison is the more dangerous of the two, but I don't worry too much about my son, because he has figured out how to stay out of trouble. He works out as often as he can and carries himself confidently. He says that goes a long way toward avoiding being a target. Both of my sons have good friends inside. Yes, it can be scary, but it's not nearly as scary as I had once feared.
I'm glad you found this forum and glad you shared your story with us. Keep coming back and finding the support you need. These people have helped me more than anyone, since this nightmare began for my family.
Oh, by the way, both of my sons were sexually abused by a trusted relative, when they were children. It took years before I ever found out about it, though. But my nightmare began way back in 1980, so I feel like a wounded veteran. In all these years, this group has helped me more than any other, although I have had a few good mental health professionals, also.
Unless there is something in the AR statutes that allow the court to consider the counseling your husband has been receiving, then don't expect it to count for much at sentencing.
A lawyer that specializes in this sort of case will get him the best possible outcome.
This entire " Bully culture" believes and tells the little boys "treated like girls" that they will inevitably grow up to be "homos" "perverts" hardwired to automatically be the Hannibal Lectors of the future unless they how their manhood by bullying and abusing others. From the experience with in my own family my grandfather bullied and abused my father who struggled with his own sexuality and expressed his manhood / power by using and abusing his own children who have never sexually abused the next generations but have struggled with their own abuse all their adult lives. When a pattern of abuse says Real men use their Power to abuse others, and there is no pattern in the family (or in the social systems) that says "ALL those granted power in this society are to use their power to protect the vulnerable among us " Instead you presently have abuse piled upon abuse ending in Lives forever sentenced to prison and then to life on the SEX OFFENDER REGISTRIES. From my own experience, I believe we must help heal the wounds of the vulnerable ( including little boys and girls "treated" like girl by people they had every right to expect would protect them) AND we must heal ourselves, the sexually abused, the families dealing with the collateral damage, the children who fear that being treated like a girl has the power to "change" their gender unless they become bullies, Hannibal Lectors in the process. Lest unhealed Children who were sexually molested are left to struggle with how to "use" power when they too become husbands and fathers, become our own sons, men forever held hostage to a past they might never have the chance to heal from...certainly not programming in some sex offender prison..
Glad you found us, but sorry you need us. We have several members here who have been in the prison system who can give you the Do's and Do Not's in prison to help keep your husband safe if he has to go to prison. My husband's is older, and hasn't had any major problems. He has followed the rules Rew gave us, and he has been safe.
Yes it sucks that the charges are not severe enough for the feds to get involved, that's what happened to me. It leaves the state with egg on their face and they don't like that! It says on one hand that he offense is not bad enough for the feds to get involved but leaves the state no choice but to run it up the flag pole as high as they can.
To me if it's not severe enough for the feds than it shouldn't waste the state's time but they end up with an arrest they hoped they wouldn't have to deal with but now they have too and it pisses them off!
I spent $75,000 before accepting a plea deal with no jail time. It's more expensive for the state to jail your husband than to make a plea. I'm not trying to give you hope that's what your state will do it's what mine did. The fact that the feds refused it tells me they didn't view it as very serious but since the state made the arrest they have to do something and thus the situation you're in. I hope you have you're own lawyer and not a public defender.
I recommend that you hire a court recognized psychologist to do a psycho sexual evaluation, about $2,5000. It showed the court the psychological state of mind of your husband. (My judge never looked at at but it was there...) The fact that I did that and it was a court recognized Dr. made a difference.
Please PM me if you have more questions. Good Luck!
It's very good that you found us cause believe me and I think I can speak for everyone when I say this website is a Godsend.
These are the most caring and knowledable people you will ever meet.
Right now you may be confused and feel alone but your not.
Come back and visit us all soon for comfort ok.