Hello Rose, I too have a son incarcerated, it's been 2 years now. At first I thought I would lose my mind. I wont say that time will lessen the pain but you will learn how to deal with it as time goes on. ((((hugs)))))

Rose, Having a family member incarcerated for any reason is a horrifying experience. You found the right place to come to for comfort, understanding, education and direction. It is a lonely, frightening journey, but those here have been, or are where you find yourself right now. The details are different but the emotions are the same.

You have many things on your plate. I would suggest you try to prioritize things according to what is immediately needed, and what can wait for a spell. Divide things into things you can do something about, and those that you can’t.

The holidays are a ways off, so deal with those later. Try not to think too far in advance as that will drive you crazy. There is enough to be done in the here and now that will take up a lot of your energy. Concentrate on those.

I know the frustration of not being able to do for your son. It gives you a horrible helpless feeling, but you need to take care of you first, or you will not be able to do anything for him.

Its hard, I know it is. I too have had to learn to tell my problems to take a number and wait in line because I am only one person, and can only do so much.

I don’t know how long ago your ordeal started, but believe it or not, some of the dust will settle and you will be able to do better.

I tell others to take things one day at the time or one hour at the time, however you can handle it, but in the meantime, continue to address the immediate need for a job and housing.

Families often times don’t understand your pain or your emotional needs. You can express yourself here, and there are lots of folks who understand. Please continue to come back.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It is so painful. {{HUGS}}

I can relate to feeling lonely and isolated and I'm so sorry you have to endure this pain. I feel like it's a lot like grieving the death of a loved one. But at least we can still hear their voice, receive a letter and see them in person. To not have them in our daily lives is painful and that's where I feel like I'm grieving. I've also come to realize I'm so much stronger than I ever thought. I also have to remind myself - one day at a time.
Sending you HUGS!

I'm so sorry for your pain. You're in my prayers.

Hello, Rose. I am new to this experience and I get the feeling from what you have said that you are too. I have also lost my son to incarceration. I'm so glad that I found this group. They have helped and supported me when I had no one else to talk to.

I agree with Misty. Concentrate on the here and now and don't look to far in advance. I have found that staying busy has helped me. It allows me to take my mind off my loss for a time.

I'm sending you ((((hugs)))) and good thoughts.

Hello Rose.I know you feel like you are all alone but since you have chosen to come here you can call us all your family. We will never judge you no matter what you decide to do.
We all know how holidays are with your loved one gone, and I won't lie and say it will get easy quickly because I still miss my husband after 7 years.but you will learn to cope but it will take time!

Welcome to the group. There are a lot of great people here with good advice. I agree with doing things one at a time -- I make myself a little note on my desk that says "Take action!" It's better to be proactive than to sit back and worry about what's going to happen. Makes you feel a little bit more in control. Is your son able to call you, or write letters at least? Do you know about setting up an account for him to make phone calls?

I know you said you lost your job so you may not have the money for the phone account, but hopefully you can still keep in touch through letters. My son is about 3 hours away in prison now so I only get to go see him once every few months, and it helps to keep in touch by writing to him.

Good luck, and keep coming back here for advice.

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I'm new to this too! My son has been recently incarcerated also. This group has been such a blessing to me.You have come to the right place! Big hugs and prayers to you and your son!

My son has been incarcerated for a little over a year now. The hardest part for me is that the last time I saw him was last May at his sentencing here. He is in Montana facing more charges, I am in Western New York. The people here understand and will not judge. I am sorry that you have the need to be here, but glad you found us. This journey is not easy, but it is doable, you will get through this. Take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Take care of what you need and you will find it a bit easier to take care of what he needs from you.
Keep in touch. If you want to talk you can always send me a message. Sending hugs your way (( ))

Rose, I want to welcome you to our family. Sorry you need us, but glad you found us.

I know several have already stated that looking too far into the future will only hurt you - I wind up with anxiety attacks. Focus in the here and now, stay busy, and focus only on things you can control. If you are a praying person, I find prayers help me a lot. God has a way of waiting until the last possible moment to move.

I've been unemployed before, and worried about making ends meet, just as unemployment is running out and still no job prospects, but moves just as the last check is received.

Some states have a support system for families and registrants. Check out RSOL and WAR to see if there is a chapter in your state and if they have a support group near you. Check out your local churches - see if any of them have a support group for families with a loved one incarcerated, as that may also help you, if you need face to face interaction.

I didn't have anyone when I first started this journey. I tried to find groups in my area, but found none (closest was several hours away). This group was a god-send for me. They helped me tremendously when I needed someone to talk to, understand and not judge me.

I hope you visit as often as you need to. We are always here to help you. (((Hugs))))