Families of SOs Community Group
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Hi there, My name is Lisa and I am new here. Thank goodness I found this site because I really dont know what to do. I dont know if others have experienced what I have been through but if not, maybe you can give me advice.
Let me give you a quick back story of how we got to be here in the first place. In 1996 my husband was convicted of 2nd degree sexual assault here in WI. He was 22 when he had sex with a co worker who was 2 days shy of being 16. It was a consensual thing, as it went on for about 2 months. Her parents found out and pressed charges. He served 2 yrs in prison and then sentenced to 12 yrs probation. He finally got of probation in January of this year.
We live in WI and therefore our address and his information is online. We have 5 children all together, 2 from my previous relationship and 3 with him.
The 2 older ones never got harassed or bullied if you will, because they have a different last name.
Our 3 younger ones are ages 9, and 7 yr old twins.
One of the parents of a girl in my 7 yr old classroom found out about my husband. She followed school buses home of students and would walk up to the doors of people telling them that my husband is a predator and a child molester. Which is completely false. She called all the parents of everyone that was in my daughters girl scout troop ( which he had nothing to do with- he didn't even pick our daughter up from meetings) and told the parents their kids were going to be in danger if they were kept in the troop.
She tells all the kids parents in my childrens class about him and that they shouldn't let their kids play with my kids.
Because of this my children aren't invited to birthday parties, no one will go to my kids parties ( which I always have it in a park, or Chuck E Cheese or in public area ) and he doesn't even go to avoid any confrontation.
This just breaks my heart to see my kids cry about no one liking them and they have no friends. I am so tired of making excuses and I'm running out of excuses why no one will play with them, or call them back and why they dont get invited to birthday parties when everyone else in the class is invited. I always say oh, they must be busy today.
This bitch is taking things out on my kids... they have nothing to do with this. Just pisses me off. Ive tried to talk to her and I wanted to explain things with her, but she wants nothing to do with it.. she wont hear me out.
I even told her to call his old probation officer. She is just being ignorant. But I just wanna move to get out of this town. Our entire town now believe her, and we just get called names, etc Our town has only a population of 1800 and word spreads fast and everyone knows everyone's business..
What would you do?
Let me give you a quick back story of how we got to be here in the first place. In 1996 my husband was convicted of 2nd degree sexual assault here in WI. He was 22 when he had sex with a co worker who was 2 days shy of being 16. It was a consensual thing, as it went on for about 2 months. Her parents found out and pressed charges. He served 2 yrs in prison and then sentenced to 12 yrs probation. He finally got of probation in January of this year.
We live in WI and therefore our address and his information is online. We have 5 children all together, 2 from my previous relationship and 3 with him.
The 2 older ones never got harassed or bullied if you will, because they have a different last name.
Our 3 younger ones are ages 9, and 7 yr old twins.
One of the parents of a girl in my 7 yr old classroom found out about my husband. She followed school buses home of students and would walk up to the doors of people telling them that my husband is a predator and a child molester. Which is completely false. She called all the parents of everyone that was in my daughters girl scout troop ( which he had nothing to do with- he didn't even pick our daughter up from meetings) and told the parents their kids were going to be in danger if they were kept in the troop.
She tells all the kids parents in my childrens class about him and that they shouldn't let their kids play with my kids.
Because of this my children aren't invited to birthday parties, no one will go to my kids parties ( which I always have it in a park, or Chuck E Cheese or in public area ) and he doesn't even go to avoid any confrontation.
This just breaks my heart to see my kids cry about no one liking them and they have no friends. I am so tired of making excuses and I'm running out of excuses why no one will play with them, or call them back and why they dont get invited to birthday parties when everyone else in the class is invited. I always say oh, they must be busy today.
This bitch is taking things out on my kids... they have nothing to do with this. Just pisses me off. Ive tried to talk to her and I wanted to explain things with her, but she wants nothing to do with it.. she wont hear me out.
I even told her to call his old probation officer. She is just being ignorant. But I just wanna move to get out of this town. Our entire town now believe her, and we just get called names, etc Our town has only a population of 1800 and word spreads fast and everyone knows everyone's business..
What would you do?
I am glad you found this group. I am sorry how your family and your children are being treated. Some people are just ignorant and there is no changing their minds. My mom and my sister are THOSE people, in fact when they found out my boyfriend was a registered sex offender they went calling tons of people and telling them(including my ex's) and telling me I must not be right in my head and need counseling because I am with him. Luckily my mom and sister live in a different town then me and so they don't know everyone that I know so they couldn't go and tell EVERYONE! I also have some very good friends that are more open minded and don't judge people so easily.
I guess there are a few different things you can do in your situation. Seeing that you live in a town that is very small, if you were able too, then I think moving to a bigger town would help a lot. Your children would get new friends and you wouldn't have to deal with that "ignorant" women that has her mind made up of what a sex offender is. That would be the first thought that would pass my mind, to move. Not sure what yours is?
If that isn't a possibility, then you all are going to have to get some very thick skin, so to speak. Your children in life are going to have to learn young that some people are ignorant and judge others even if they don't know the whole story or from what someone has done in their past. Unfortunately it probably won't help your situation of your children and the friends that they have to play with now, birthday parties etc.....
Another thought is, Are you friends with any parents of the friends of your children? Do you feel that there is any parent that would be more open minded and maybe you could meet them one on one and talk and your kids could play with their kids either at their house or at a public park, etc....
I hope you find a solution of what will work best for your family and children. Welcome to our group and feel free to vent when needed.
I am glad you found this group. I am sorry how your family and your children are being treated. Some people are just ignorant and there is no changing their minds. My mom and my sister are THOSE people, in fact when they found out my boyfriend was a registered sex offender they went calling tons of people and telling them(including my ex's) and telling me I must not be right in my head and need counseling because I am with him. Luckily my mom and sister live in a different town then me and so they don't know everyone that I know so they couldn't go and tell EVERYONE! I also have some very good friends that are more open minded and don't judge people so easily.
I guess there are a few different things you can do in your situation. Seeing that you live in a town that is very small, if you were able too, then I think moving to a bigger town would help a lot. Your children would get new friends and you wouldn't have to deal with that "ignorant" women that has her mind made up of what a sex offender is. That would be the first thought that would pass my mind, to move. Not sure what yours is?
If that isn't a possibility, then you all are going to have to get some very thick skin, so to speak. Your children in life are going to have to learn young that some people are ignorant and judge others even if they don't know the whole story or from what someone has done in their past. Unfortunately it probably won't help your situation of your children and the friends that they have to play with now, birthday parties etc.....
Another thought is, Are you friends with any parents of the friends of your children? Do you feel that there is any parent that would be more open minded and maybe you could meet them one on one and talk and your kids could play with their kids either at their house or at a public park, etc....
I hope you find a solution of what will work best for your family and children. Welcome to our group and feel free to vent when needed.
Before you walk away, arm yourself with as many key facts as you can and see how far you get with buy in through educating key people/departments in your community. If you can think of anyone else who might be able to support you contact them. You may want to do this without the kids until you know where you stand. But kids stories are pretty powerful too and maybe the community will rally. Sounds like you need to bring it all out in the open, out of the silence of shame, and see how much support you get. I am not sure how long you have lived there, but I am praying there may be some decent people who are willing to see the FACTS.
If you take it to this level it will mean to have to deal with public FEAR, which can be scary and shaming, until you can educate those who are in the dark about possibly the incident, as well as the facts about sex offenders low recidivism, and more importunely that your husband is a good father, and has never harmed your kids, or broken his registry requirements.
Yes, the other option is to pack up and move on ... but I pray that in a small community with the right help from key organizations/people you will be OK, and you can put this behind you.
#2) I would start finding somewhere else to live. That will instill hope and help alleviate too much attachment to the outcome of #1. If you get what you want out of going full-on public and educating people and turning the tables on this woman and shaming her in public for her ignorance, then great, you can stay and hold up your head. If it doesn't work, you will know you can leave and won't have your tail between your legs.
Anyway, after 5 years of this being a topic in my life, that's what I would do. And before you take the offensive position, be SURE to arm yourself with PLENTY of statistical information. There are SCORES of articles and papers written about the mess we are all in and they can be found on any of the state RSOL websites. You have a great state leader there in WI. Get a hold of her for information.