Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Early January my sister called me during school to tell me my brother had been arrested for... murder. She found out through a news article on facebook. He is 18. I don't really know what's the point of saying this online but nobody really gets it around me except for my family and I don't see them much and even then nobody really wants to talk about it because who wants to think about it. How do I exist in a world where my big brother is a "murderer"? How do I comprehend this? It's been hard for me to understand that I'll grow up and have a whole life without him really there you know? He might never meet my kids if I have any, or be at my graduation, or anything I would want my brother to be a part of. And I feel like such a shit fucking person when I think that because someone fucking died and he really won't be there for his family. I just feel bad for my brother, he had the worst deck of cards given to him for his upbringing which I know 100% is not any type of excuse.. but I just think about all the what ifs. I know him. I know he is kind and loving and an emotional insecure guy who just wanted love and a support system. And it's like up until this point he had the opportunity to get his shit together you know? He could stop doing what he was doing and have an "honest" life whatever you want to call it. But now, it's like he can't decide to go straight and his life is fucking fucked. I don't know I thought sharing would help.
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
His life will be altered for sure if he's found guilty .. Hang on to the kind and loving brother you know.... This act if he did it doesn't define who he is....You can hate this act and love your brother
I would see if there is a RL families of prisoners group that you can join... It might be a really good support
A lot of people use their journals on here to vent their feelings and get them out and I think it helps
Another hug and a blessing.....xo
One thing that I remember someone saying to me that was helpful is "he's not a bad person, he just did a bad thing." You know your brother is more than the worst thing he's ever done and it will mean so much to him if you keep in touch with him and that you continue to see him as the person you know, as a whole person, good and bad and complicated like all of us. Because a whole lot of people are going to start seeing him as a murderer and nothing else. Take care of yourself.
Hold space for your brother. Send him pictures and letters, books. Help Keep his spirits Lifted and mind growing. Let yourself and your future family benefit from what you have learned about the adversity so many people behind bars have dealt with. I feel you re: “he just wanted love and a support system.” So many people think they find what’s missing on the streets- let your brother see his family (like you) love & support him in a real & healthy way.
Be good to yourself & God bless.