Oh that just sucks. Iam sorry your going though this with your hubby hmmmm maybe you should aske him how he is going to fix it. I am really sorry that this has happened.

Oh no Stacy, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Having two in is physically, mentally and definitely financially draining. I had gotten the hint things weren't good by things you said on the phone. I don't have any bright answers for you. Oh boy, oh boy... god do I wish you didn't live so far. I can't leave, silly, or we really could pool our resources (haha I have to get some first) and console each other. That would be great.

Your hubby was a real rum dum. OMG if he had to go drink, don't do it at his job. I would be so pissed at him too. I have a feeling, you really aren't into supporting him in any way through this. He didn't sound like he makes you very happy on the best days. Seemed you were just existing together. SO NOW what the heck are you going to do? He will say you are always there for your brother, but won't like it if you aren't there for him, BUT aren't the situations a bit different?

The test is going to come now with him. You will have to decide what you want. You have overcome many things in your life. Do you think you and him can make it? I am going on our phone conversations.

God Stacy, I wish I had my unlimited card on phone now. Can't get that for awhile, and I know you and me would eat up my whole card. SOOOON, I will let you know when I have the unlimited one. I feel really bad you wanted to call the other night and I couldn't do it. Crap! I had no idea things were this bad for you. You were there for me. I will somehow be there for you now. NO I can't come to Alabama... I wouldn't be able to see him, or Emmy. Otherwise, we would get through this together. Oh no, oh no... I don't want you sad again. We just got you feeling better.

I am glad to hear your consultant is starting to get things moving. Maybe something good will come out of that. Does your brother know about your husband? I am sure he does. If not, he should. OK???

I am sorry ... This on top of what you are all ready going through is probably putting you right over the top! The one thing I have learned in living and being around alchoholics is you only hurt them by helping them in most cases.. They have to hit bottom and it sounds like he has a little ways to go.. As hard as it will be hang on to your sanity and know that he has to go through these motions to hopefully 'get it"... It does not help forcing them into treatment because they will just go through the motions and still not understand that it applies to them! They have to feel like this is the pits and they don't want to live that way anymore..they have to FEEL it...So many have loved ones in there as a result of using drugs or drinking and they still don't want to part with their way of doing things..it is such a bigger problem then our society lets on! I have worked in a bar and it is very hard to not fall into the life..a drink after work..kicking back with friends to unwind after work..it is too convienent ... I really hope that he gets better for your sake, it is not easy to like them when they are not themselves for days or weeks even years on end! I really hope he finds some work and takes his classes..I am assuming he has had plenty of time to take them and has procrastinated until now...he may need this wake up call! Sending positive thoughts your way!!

I am sorry about your situation, but I just learned of this, and it may help him with his costs of getting his legal stuff done (if you choose to help him)....

"After more than 18m years as Independent non attorney legal professionals operating from 1996 to 205 as Armstrong & Associates, then A.Armstrong Consulting, we just recently placed out services under a nonprofit to expand our services to include outreach programs. We have always been cognizant of the financial circumstances of the individual incarcerated, and their facilies in providing services. Our fees have been and are still on a sliding scale basis and at a third of what others charge, and we provide the same quality pre and postconviction services. State and Federal. Contact, D. Jones, or A. Armstrong "
http://www.westerncenterfordefenseadvocacy.org/

I agree, he needs to figure this out for himself. I had to figure it out when I was addicted to drugs. Miskim you are right, i went threw the motions of rehab and than was back on them in 15 months, the next time I felt that I would die or be in prison and I wanted neither so I wanted to learn to get a different life and that is what I did. I didn't think I would be babysitting an alcoholic!!!
Seefcat, I just looked at that site and I think they may be some one else who can help my brother. I saw it says the specialize in Federal cases and white collar crime, which is my brother. I will be emailing them now and calling them Monday! I appreciate it:)

Stacy, you know mine is an alcoholic, and that's why he is in now. Regardless if the time he got arrested it was purely a bogus arrest since he only had one beer. BUT he was going down a horrible path there was no way out of, he would of gotten in trouble eventually. Hate to say it, but he almost needed to be stopped. Maybe he got too much time, this time, but if he had continued the way he was, something worse would of happened, and he would of ended up dead, killing someone, and for sure a longer time in prison.

I don't condone how the cops and courts handled it this time, but I see he absolutely needed a wake up call. Maybe your husband does too.

Now you have to decide what your efforts will be in this, but don't be the one to do all the work on this. He has to make the moves.

Mine used to do the AA, and other things, as required by his probation, but was just playing the game. This is the first time I have seen him really WANT a different life. I don't know if once he is out, he can still control the urges, but I THINK he sees this has been the worst experience ever, and he knows what price he and we have paid, and knows he can't do it again. It really did almost kill him this time.( heart attack) I think your husband needs a wake up call too. So far, he just isn't taking it serious. He has to. But you can't force him, he has to. You are strong, you have succeeded in pulling yourself out of the gutter of addiction. You have to be strong enough to make him make his own choices. I think listening you you. you can do it.

Hi Stacy,

I am late on responding as I have been out of town, but just read this and my heart absolutely goes out to you. I can relate to your situation with your husband (my ex husband) so very much and I know how your heart has to be hurting so much.

You have a great group of cheerleaders here to support whatever decisions you make, but please take care of you. I'm sending oodles of virtual hugs to you.

I am checking out that link as well...might be able to help here too...thank you Seefcat for posting that.

Ladies,

You have a great discussion going about the ups and downs of marriage, difficulty of life, along with addiction problems. My husband has been in a Wisconsin prision for the last 2 years and as he was going through his revocation process I found out that he was addicted to powder. OMG! This was so overwhelming to believe that the m an I love desceived me and got high when he left the house. He knew in his heart the rules and regulations he needed to follow to obtain freedom. But, he did what he did and now we all have to pay for his ill choices. Every now and then I get so angry at him and go back through the last two horrible years and yesterday I told him I am NOT a PRISION WIFE (unless the show calls me..lol) and if he goes back in we are getting divorced the minute he steps foot on the prision ground.I hate this and its takes a lot for me to hate. I give God all of my problems and ask him to sweep my body to get rid of all bad. Please do not follow your heart...you need to follow your head. It makes it better to grip what is going on in your life. All of our husbands need to MAN up and stay out of prision and be drug free. Its ironic that I am talking this talk with my husband because I used to teach the DARE program to elementary school students...Keep your heads up and will are survivors!!!

I agree Summerlove..it is so true...they and only they have the power to fix this and guarantee that we will not have to live through this ever again..I have talked to my husband about it and he knows if he messes up again as hard as it may be I am going to have to go..I took my vows and I will stand by them if HE DOES THE SAME! I know in my heart he is doing all he can in the treatment he is recieving there to be prepared for a new life when he is home..He knows he can't have it both ways and if he makes the choice to take risks that affect me and my children he is making the choice to loose me..I pray to God that he can do it and I will do everything in my power to support him..If he goes back for something that he is in control of he is doing it alone..it is only fair... We tend to try to save them and in doing that it makes things worse..If we aren't part of the solution we are part of the problem!! I don't want to be part of the problem anymore..I don't think I am strong enough to face another year alone I don't think I could if I wanted to..I know that the number of addicts in prison is HUGE and most of them would not be there if they were sober and clean..It is very hard for them to overcome but to be a man you have to be strong, you have to take care and be the one your family can lean on..We need to do our part in supporting them in recovery so they know it is worth it..so they can get a glimps of life without drugs or alchohol..they sometimes have never seen life without it and that feels pretty hopeless when they first look at it..they need to see how beautiful life can be..how respect from others can feel better then any high when they are doing what is right..Alanon is a really good program for families of addicts..sometimes we become ill in helping cover up the bumps in the road and we can't see our life without that feeling of being needed.. I could never stop loving my husband and believe me I have been my share of ANGRY but it takes a strong head and heart to stop allowing thier addiction a place in our lives..you only feed it and make it more powerful when in reality we are in way more control than we ever thought we could be!

Miskim they part where you said they need to feel "high" on a sober life is true. An addict is an addict is an addict! I learned that as an addict you can chose what you are addicted to and put that personality trait to good use instead. I am a crazy coupon lady and people like to tease me about how I get high" when I go on a coupon shopping trip to publix or Walgreens, but it is so true! I do feel high when I get a really good deal with my coupons.
I guess what I am saying is once an addict always an addict, but you can make the choice of what you are addicted too. Mine is coupons and liquidation stuff that I can resell at my stand at the flea market!LOL

Stacy in telling you the truth on that one. We talked for about 2 and a half hours one night on the phone about her liquidation stuff, and the money she makes from it. It made me want to start selling at flea markets, cuz I never thought they could make that much doing it. WRONG!

If you have to be addicted to something, why not addicted to something that MAKES MONEY, not spends it?

STACYANNE>>>> IS THE STORM GOING TO BE NEAR YOU!!! OMG you need to come back to MINNESOTA! We only have snowstorms and an occassional tornado, you guys on the coasts are always having terrible life threatening storms. Time to move back Stacy. It is BORING here, it is COLD HERE, but it is SAFER

( she used to live in the same neighborhood I did)

I'm with ya on that one...we could have a Minnesota reunion Stacy!

We've only had snow 3 times this month (and it didn't stick for more than a minute)

In all seriousness, please be very safe and know that my thoughts are with you and all of our friends here in the path of Sandy.

I'm wishing I wasn't almost out of phone minutes right now, or I would be calling to check on her. NO STACY, I still didn't get anymore. Had to go with the darn cheap card, and it don't go far enough. SOOOON... PLEASE IF YOU READ THIS let us know that you are ok.

And when are you going to visit your brother, maybe SPRING??? I will definitely meet you up in Duluth, or you could always veer off to Wisconsin and come to my trailerhood... I will decorate the whole yard with pink flamingo's just for you. HAHA Then we can meet bringinglightinside, too. Us MN people must stick together. I may live in WI but that sure isn't where I call home.