Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Hi y'all, I've posted a few times before, but for those of you new to the site I'll give a quick recap. My girlfriend, my dream girl, the love of my life, the prettiest woman this side of the Mississippi, my solace, is in prison for drugs and related crimes. She's been incarcerated in county and state since last November. Her full sentence doesn't expire until July 2016, but there's a possibility she could get out after 80% of her time in January.
I've put a lot of thought into it, and as far as where she'll go she doesn't have many options. Prior to her arrest, she was on probation and living with her Dad. He and I have a pretty good relationship and we want to offer her positive support to overcome her addiction. I've talked with her and her Dad about the possibility of me upgrading to a small house and she move in rent free (right now I live in an efficiency, literally a 400 square foot box) and it's barely big enough for me and my cat.
I'm in love. I want to marry her, live with her, grow old and senile together. Everything in my heart says do this. Her Dad said if she moves back with him she's got 90 days to get a job and her own place. I told her whatever she wants I support her decision.
I'm willing to rent a small house, pay the bills, invest in home decoration, pretty much everything, but with 3 conditions: she find a job, pays her court finds, and stays off drugs. The rest of her money she earns is hers. I just want her to be healthy and live.
Am I being realistic? Could this somehow backfire and make me an enabler if she relapsed? What do I do if she does relapse? I can't be cold and kick her out on the streets. I'm her biggest fan and I know she can overcome this.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Thoughts?
I've put a lot of thought into it, and as far as where she'll go she doesn't have many options. Prior to her arrest, she was on probation and living with her Dad. He and I have a pretty good relationship and we want to offer her positive support to overcome her addiction. I've talked with her and her Dad about the possibility of me upgrading to a small house and she move in rent free (right now I live in an efficiency, literally a 400 square foot box) and it's barely big enough for me and my cat.
I'm in love. I want to marry her, live with her, grow old and senile together. Everything in my heart says do this. Her Dad said if she moves back with him she's got 90 days to get a job and her own place. I told her whatever she wants I support her decision.
I'm willing to rent a small house, pay the bills, invest in home decoration, pretty much everything, but with 3 conditions: she find a job, pays her court finds, and stays off drugs. The rest of her money she earns is hers. I just want her to be healthy and live.
Am I being realistic? Could this somehow backfire and make me an enabler if she relapsed? What do I do if she does relapse? I can't be cold and kick her out on the streets. I'm her biggest fan and I know she can overcome this.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Thoughts?
I love an alcoholic, who keeps messing up. Time and time again, I have tried to stand by him, support him, be there when he needs me, and he still messes up. He suffers from manic depressive disorder, and medications make him sick and groggy, so he drinks. I know this is not what he chooses to do. The condition takes over his brain.
People criticize me for being there for him. He has no one else. You do wonder at some point, should you give up? But so far I believe in him, and want to help him. I fear what would happen to him if he were out there all alone.
Yes in today's society we are called enablers. But is it enabling, or is it being compassionate and trying to make a difference in a person's life that we love and have hope that one time soon it will make the difference that is needed.
Yes, they will take advantage of our love and support, and probably hurt us again. It's a choice that is very difficult to decide on what is right and what your heart says.
I do think both of us need to be a bit stronger and put limits to what we will do for them. Otherwise, it just gives them permission to keep doing what they do.
I have looked at my situation every which way. The only conclusion is I can't give up on him and have something terrible happen to him. I can't throw him out a have him wandering off, feeling unloved, and useless to everyone. He would certainly eventually end up in prison again, or dead.
So whether it is wrong or not. Whether it is hard on me or not. I still keep being there for him. I think you are the same way.
It is a hard road to be on. You don't know if what you are doing for them is right, but who has the right to say what is right, when your heart says this person is a good person, they just need someone to keep caring, keep hoping.
It may sound stupid to some. But does it matter what anyone else thinks? We are the ones that live in our head. We are the ones that suffer if they disappear from our lives.
I have waited for mine, while in prison 4 or 5 times now.. I can't even remember how many times. I keep hoping and praying that sooner or later he will shape up and be the man I know he is.
Did I get it right, how it is for you?
My advice would be to let her live with her dad for 90 days. Let her get her feet on the ground, make progress on her own and be there for her emotionally every step of the way. Hopefully she will go to meetings and embrace the 12 steps and a new way of living. You can be part of that by going to Alanon. Learn about her disease and take care of yourself too.
All that being said, I need to take my own advice! Good luck and God bless you.