When you love someone doing time yes you're doing time too just not behind bars like them. I always say ask yourself the tough questions the first being "is he really worth it?" , well at least in my shoes he is, but hey I'm old as a fossil and we've been through hell and back.

Ok now I'm going to put on my mom hat and say you shouldn't be an any relationship where you ever feel like you don't have room to breathe and discover who you are and where you want to go in your life! If you do choose to stay with him you shouldn't ever feel guilty spending time with friends/family and he shouldn't be mad and respect that; if he is than that's a red flag. And you honestly answered your own question when you said, "My guy is great but I can't wait around for years for someone to get out..."

I agree with brandnewangel about who knows about getting back together down the road. Remember the saying, "If you love something set it free. If it comes back it's yours. If not, it was never meant to be", it's actually pretty true!

Thank you both for the advice, i know that what is best for me is to leave him, as hard as that is for me to say. How brandnewangel said that you were miserable and was sick of waiting, is the same way i feel. I also don't want to regret that i ended up waiting for him since i really am missing out on my life. And also gregsbaby thank you, exactly i feel i have no room to breathe or to make a mistake with him because him and his family expect perfection from me. This isn't going to be easy for me to do, and i know it is going to crush him.... but i also have to keep in mind that it isn't my responsibility to take care of him all the time. I think the hardest part for me is finding out how to get out of the situation since i know he is going to flip on me.........

This is a question that I am afraid that I will be asking in the future about my husband. We are barely into the court system, just had the 2nd court date today. With all of the charges against him, it looks grim. I want to be strong for him so badly, but another part of me knows that if he is sentenced to years of prison, I can't waste my life waiting. I love him so incredibly much now, but how will I feel a couple of years down the road? Another thing that makes me stay is that I am pretty sure that he will attempt suicide if I leave him, that would weigh on me very heavily. In my situation, I am going to hang tight for a while, see where things go. For you, do what is the best for you. I may have to take my own advice some day...

Do whats best for you thats most important. I waited for my bf at that time for 5 yrs while he was in prison in another state,,, though i visited him every three month. well he was in prison but low custody, then in two yrs he got transferred to community work center. At first I didn't have much of any support from my family, or even really his family. We are doing awesome now... my family loves him, his mother has a new bf and welcomes us with open arms to there home. We spend time with family and friends. After he came home it wasn't awfully too hard for us. He did interstate compact and moved to Seattle once again from Idaho. We been thru hell and back, its not an easy road thats for sure, but you know your guy... only you can make the decision to stay or leave. Do whats best for you... I stayed and waited out another 7 months after that while he was doing work release in seattle and taking care of his past stuff. Seattle was a lot easier and much better.. and we saw each other three times a week and ate dinner together at home or restaurants he pretty much had a free pass. My husband now been clean for a lil over 7 yrs, has a job that he loves and got promoted.. he goes to meetings few times a week and his counseling class that was court ordered its stupid though ... but whatever it takes. We just got approved and found a house and sold our condo. Its possible to have good life with our man but they need to chose and make decision how they want to live there life and where they want to be... We had our three yrs wedding vow renewals in Maui, Hawaii in August with our friends and family.
But we are the only once who can have faith and hold on and ride with them, or we can give up and find something better. I chose to wait , for us it was worth it. We been together for almost 13 yrs now and married a lil over 3 yrs.

@brandnewangle yes that is me right now! i feel guilty about leaving him because everyone else besides his parents are gone. but your right at the end of the day we need to do what is best for ourselves. I think some people can make it work, like gregsbaby and sneshinka, but for some of us it is just to much. I feel I'm being held back and i know the longer i wait it is only going to get worse. I know i need to live my life because other wise I'm going to end up regretting things. Its hard because i still care about him but i right now this situation has been making me feel awful and has stoped me from really being able to do things. I also feel where my life is headed might not work when he gets out because then i will be stuck on his probation rules too. it has become to much for me. I feel bad leaving him but i need to choice to be happy and open myself up to really live my life without paying for someone elses consequences

Do you think he would stick by your side if you were locked up? Did you know early in the relationship that he might end up in prison or jail? Just because a guy goes to prison doesnt mean he dont care about you or is a bad person. In this day prison is hard to avoid for anyone in oklahoma. Remember also all an inmate has is time and time to think. Thinking too much is never good and im sure its fucking with his head and is what is causing him to make you feel guilty. Alot of prisoners lose it and dont give a fuck anymore because its all too true that when you go to prison everyone forgets about you. I dont know all the details of you two so I really dont know but thought that might give you some insight.

If you really love him you'd wait. Put yourself in his shoes. What if you were the one doing the time in prison how would you feel if he just one day left you, because he couldn't wait around for years.. You should hang out with your family or friends and not feel guilty. My fiance was looking at 15 years and if he would of got that I would of been by his side the whole time cause when you truly love someone your there through the good times and the bad. Just think this is your worst it can't get no worse than this it can only get better..

Your young. Your only 21 years old. You shouldn't feel that you need to be tied down to someone. If you two really do love each other than things will work out.
If you ever need to talk feel free to add me.

I'd be lying if i said these though didn't cross my mind at least once. In my case, I don't see myself divorcing my husband. He got talked into being mixed up with something stupid and hes doing almost three years for it. But that's me following my gut feeling.

But for you hun, please follow your gut. Listen to what your mind and heart tell you. You change alot as a person between 21 and 26, trust me. What you think you want know you might want to smack yourself for later down the road. I know this thread is a few weeks old, but I whole heatedly hope you made/make the right choice for you.