My husband is currently in prison so I understand that for you he's more than just a number and your left holding the bag. A bag full of lonely nights, pain followed by tears, everyday strugggles with bills, kids, negativity from family or others, worries about if they are okay and hope that maybe just maybe they will change.

Then we get calls asking for this or that followed by sweet words so we hang on a little longer. Then we get calls with questions, bitterness, and demands. Yet we still hang on stressing over how to do whatever they request.

Each night when the calls stop we lay in bed all alone feeling the sting of it all. We feel the emptiness that surrounds us, no matter how busy we try to be, the hurt and pain because we feel alone and don't believe anyone could understand. So over time we lose hope and slowly start to give up I understand because I've been there.

When my husband left me it was my birthday of all days. The day that is all yours. You want to rejoice, kick back, and just enjoy your day. On my birthday I was hit with having to stay strong and holding a bag filled with all the craziness my husband left behind.

I couldn't just stop and feel the pain that day so it piled up and for weeks I protected my husband despite all of his wrongs. Finally, one day it all hit me, Why do I have to be so strong? the countless tears fell and all I wanted was him home and to be better than who he was. I lost him and was torn between believing in him or giving up. I was constantly hearing "He will never change", "Why wait for him?", and so much more negative.

Then somebody made the remark that "if anybody could help him change, its you. Believe in him and pray about him." Read two verses of the bible a day, you will see that your not alone.

At first I attempted to start with page 1 but got discouraged. How was this going to help? Then a co-worker said to start with the Book of John in the New Testament.

Still skeptical I reopened my bible and read a verse then the next still now quite understanding I started asking questions. As I read each day I started to see a love unfold before me, God's love for us all.

Now my husband would call and of course my heart would race or he would send in letters. His words were powerful they could bring a smile to my face but it didn't last long when he talked about this or that and I got to see him. Yes, our love showed but even then it was about whatever else

I kept praying that God would save him from his ways and would read different verses of the bible but I always needed a sign that my husband wasn't just using me. That sign came in and on our last visit. I was taken away and he was put on lockdown.

Understanding how alone we already feel, wanting to hear the phone say "this is a call from whoever at wherever". The calls didn't come but a letter did.

My husband is just that testimony. He made a choice to give up his ways of life to God to be changed.

You don't know my husband's story, just like I don't know yours. What I can tell you is that my husband had hos selfish ways, a hard heart, a want to get rich quick, and when he lost me on my birthday he opened the bible without me knowing.

I love my husband but he had a way with words. He was a sweet talker that could make you believe him. He was a heartbreaker. When he lost me again on our last visitation he was alone, he couldn't do anything, he had lost everything, and even though he had done lockdown numerous times this time he felt the sting.

So he turned to God and asked for forgiveness of all of his sins and has done the impossible. He holds his head up and has a shine about him in one of the coldest, bitterest places any of us can be in.

His transformation in turn changed things with me. Still trying to hold it all together out here God steped in replacing the negative people around me with people that help me stay positive, the everyday stress has been calmed, and the lonely feelings aren't so lonely.

There's hope when you want to give up.  I can't tell you what to do but I can help by letting you know that God loves you, he will never fail you or leave you. He's there for you each day and if you open your heart to Him you will see more blessings than you could imagine.

With our men they tend to be harsh at times forgetting that we are just as alone as they are and at times we feel used by them because they want to combine their wants with their sweet words. I know that one too and I know that no matter how much we love them we put up a guard, question them, and their intentions.

Well gentlemen I'm a wife of an inmate who was once like you. But he has learned to be still and listen, appreciate what he does have even though he would like better, and has managed to shine a light in all of the darkness that surrounds you.

We are here for you and if we are used improperly in the end you could lose us depending on the situations and individuals involved.

If my husband can change, you can too. Just open your mind and your heart if you want to be different.

There is hope even when you don't believe you can do it. Trust in God!