It isn't easy to be divided in your heart from those who are closest to you. I'm going through this, too, and I'm still searching for answers. Thankfully (or not), I don't live in the same town with my family members, so I don't hear their "concerns" very often, but knowing their opinions still hurts.

Follow the love that's in your heart and make sure your speech is always gracious to them -- even if that means biting your tongue from time to time. Sometimes our religious friends and family feel more comfortable speaking in terms of judgment and retribution than in grace and mercy. You don't need to convince them of their error, you just need to stay true to your faith and model your values.

I know that's hard, but it sounds like you have the heart and soul and spirit to carry it through.

You shouldn't have to bite your tongue. You know how you feel about him. No one else should ever get to decide who you are with. You don't get a choice in their decisions about people.
My family hates mine too. Because he drank and drove. Big deal, my brothers are both alcoholics, and say for a fact they like drinking and won't ever stop. They aren't shunned because of it. My fiance is.
My mom has always taken in people with shady pasts, felt sorry for them, listened to their sob stories and more than once she has gotten burned. But she still does it. Except with my guy. I am 60, and still get treated like I am 12 regarding my decision to love him forever. I stopped telling them for awhile I was still with him, but creepy sister in law and some of mom's friends got on the computer, seen we still have the same address, read about his recent trouble. I don't care. Get a life is what I want to tell them.

I don't chastise them for the decisions they make and have made. They can stay out of my business. I am somewhat ashamed of my family for being such hippocrits.

October - you are absolutely right...I don't need to waste my precious energy trying to convince them of anything. I have a slight need for justification...I always have. It's something I am trying to overcome. I live 2 hours away from my family and I think this is a blessing. I don't need their negativity bringing me down.

IHW - you have said exactly what I was trying to say. I am completely ashamed of how they are reacting. Talk about a eye opener. I am not ashamed of my husband. I do not hide the fact of where he is from anyone. I don't shout it from the rooftops but I don't shy away from it in conversation either.

All my life I have been more comfortable around "shady" people. For our roofing business we don't hire anyone else besides work release guys or guys just getting out and needing a foot in a door. There are many nights I've had a living room full of guys because they had no where else to go...break out the grill!

There is a blatant honestly amongst thieves as the saying goes and not one of the dozens of guys who have came and went out my door have ever made us regret giving them a chance. If fact I get calls pretty regularly from several of them just checking in on us and seeing if I needed anything done...a few of them even call me mom and that makes me laugh as much as breaks my heart.

I have always know it was the "good" people you had to watch out for. Nothing in my life has ever proven me wrong in this. I am just so sad that my own family has joined the wrong side. This world needs more compassion...more understanding. Last thing anyone needs is more judgment.

I'm just going to have to accept this as another thing I can't fix and get over it because I am not going to let this issue even try to slow me down. I have too much to do.

That is awesome you hire them. If more guys came out and could get jobs, they wouldn't have to revert to other methods to survive.

My guy fortunately usually gets jobs easily through a temp service. But those jobs are never permanent no matter what you are told.

Why not hire them? After all, they have more to prove, according to society. They may try harder than the person who has no criminal history;. What do they have to strive for if everyone looks down on them?

My fiance has worked in so many fields, can do so many different types of jobs, and can really be an asset to any company if they give him the chance. He DID work so hard at one job we both worked at. Then we lost that job because that plant closed. BUT the temp service called me the next week to hire me, but said they couldn't take him because of his criminal record. Funny, he had just worked HARD for them the week before. And he had got hurt on the job, and cost them to send him to the doctor. He didn't try to go on workman's comp, he went back to work and worked damn hard even injured. Still they wouldn't take him back. So I went back to the same company, same temp service ONE day, but told them my hands hurt and needed to go to the doctor to see if it was Karpal Tunnel. Well fifteen minutes later they let me go. I said thanks, you just proved a point and I will report it to unemployment.

I fought for him. I proved my point.

Sometimes it's safer trusting the " shady" people than the fakes that pretend to be so good.

My ex had a boss, who was married to my friend. On the outside he was rich, successful, well respected in the business world. Behind closed doors he was a monster. She eventually left him and all of his fortune.

I don't trust rich people. They sometimes have had to be very shady to get to the top.

I don't trust politicians or cops either. I think I would take in an ex inmate before a cop or politician. OR my family who acts holier than thou and does not practice what the bible says.

I agree with the others that to your own heart be true. If you live your life trying to keep others happy you will be a very sad person indeed! When we die and stand in judgement, we stand alone talking about our life. The rest of your family won't be there so keep that in mind.

With that said, I don't know your financial state of affairs. I know a couple where divorce made more economic sense so they got a divorce ONLY to help with their finances down the road. In their hearts they are still very much still married. Do what makes sense for the two of you and don't listen to the others.

For all the others whose spouse is out and trying to find gainful employment, there is a Fidelity Bond program offered by the Federal Government that pays off to the employer in certain conditions. It's sole purpose is lowering the risk of hiring an ex-convict. Check it out:

http://www.bonds4jobs.com/program-background.html

Best of luck to you!

George
www.leafministry.org