Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

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The first phone calls

all8112
all8112
As much as I was looking forward to hearing from him, it was like I didn't know what to say when he called. It's so different. I didn't feel like I could say, "how was your day"? Very strange feeling when the person to whom you tell everything suddenly becomes such small talk. Does this make sense? I felt like I wanted to be upbeat for his sake, but then I wondered if he thought I didn't care about this huge mess as much as he thought I did. Like, how could I sound so "normal" while he just got there? I hope that gets better.
ihatewisconsin
ihatewisconsin
I didn't find it hard to talk to him at first.. we had seen each other at the county jail every day. There was a lot to talk about. But now, he has been there over a year, and we do run out of things to talk about sometimes. Maybe because he calls 4 times a day. Oh boy, we figured out how much money we have spent on calls in over a year. It is well over 5 grand, so far. Just think what we could of done with that money if he were home.
Yes, you can't really ask them how was their day.. the answer might not be good, or they just say, same as yesterday. BORING.

Mine works and does craft projects, and he figures out the bills for me, etc. So we keep him busy.

It will get easier for you soon.
sallyblue
sallyblue
My husbands first phone call was awful. He was just a teary mess, all he could say was "sorry, I'm so sorry" over and over. He calls every evening but weekends are morning calls only. I tell him useless things like what colour my nails are, what the kids have done etc. I keep anything bad hidden as it's tough enough for him. We usually get maybe 5 minutes a day and I ask what he ate, if he's shaved etc. Not the most meaningful of conversations we have ever had! Just keep doing what you're doing. He will know you're not "living it up" but doing the brave face. I know my husband does.
It'll get better, I'm telling myself the same too.
all8112
all8112
Thank you, both! I actually feel better today and a little optimistic.
sallyblue
sallyblue
I'm so glad you are feeling a bit more optimistic. There will be good days and bad but you will conquer them all. You are stronger that you could ever imagine.
jobro
jobro
Yes...definitely can relate, no matter what the relation it is very awkward at first. The best thing is to just speak as honestly as possible to each other. If you can write to him, ask him to tell you specific things, subjects, etc he is able and willing to talk about. If by phone only, it is even harder. I made a list of subjects to talk about ahead of time. Nothing catastrophic nothing that the "listeners" can cut you off about.
I was so surprised when I told a stupid knock-knock joke!!...It broke the seriousness.
I am 1100 miles away from my loved one so our phone time is like gold. We get all of the legal business out from the beginning, and we always say I love you before we hang up. In the middle are lighthearted subjects like....you think the grits are bad where you are...well, i bought a box of ziti that was infested with weevils...I saw them when i poured them into the boiling water....wow-what a laugh we both got from that.
Keep your chin to the sky and never let go of your bootstraps. Hugs to you :)